The Genitals Of Tomorrow
Are you ready for a “genderqueer planet”? Of course you are. And obviously, you have questions.
Thank goodness a teacher walks among us, a guide to what lies ahead. Meet Laura (formerly Lawrence) Jacobs, a man who describes himself as “trans and genderqueer-identified, kinky and non-monogamous,” and as a “lesbian” with “multiple intersecting identities.” And – because the universe has a sense of humour – a psychotherapist.
Above, Mr Jacobs and his lingerie.
When not offering his expertise to prostitutes and “unicorns,” and devotees of polyamory and nipple clamps, Mr Jacobs shares his feverish visions with those less enlightened:
Get ready for flowerplasty https://t.co/gj5MQlgsUG
— Σ𝕏ulansic 🦎 (@TTExulansic) October 25, 2023
Readers with a taste for “empowered acts of self-creation,” and an unstable sense of self, will find much to chew on. The promise of wonders as yet unimagined. Because those bizarre, prosthetic pseudo-genitals will be “valid and valued.” And crowds will surely come.
Though given the limitations of current technology, as illustrated vividly here, you may have to wait a while.
Still, while you look forward to all those below-the-belt upgrades, you could always book a Zoom session and whet that appetite. You see, Mr Jacobs is more than a mere psychotherapist. He’s a full-on guru, practically a messiah:
Yes, those repeatedly mutilated novelty genitals – the ones that, if you squint, look like flowers or abstract sculpture – will light the way.
Batteries not included.
Goodness, there are buttons below. I wonder what they do.
Throw physic to the dogs; I’ll none of it.
She, or maybe it, is troubled with thick-coming fancies.
…he was a playwright.
Or maybe a newspaper columnist. Here’s to the pair of you…
“The Genitals Of Tomorrow”
Sure that isn’t in the Science Fiction Hall of Fame, vol 3? Or was that the twelfth edition of Amazing Stories?
Sounds vaugly Asimov…ish.
You know, I’m actually considering purchasing an edsel. The kind with a T-square. I’ve been doing a lot of design work lately.
Underwater hockey is actually a thing. A few friends/associates are big into it. I’ve tried to explain to them that a ladies’ topless league would be far more lucrative but again, nobody listens to me.
Sure that isn’t in the Science Fiction Hall of Fame, vol 3?
The Genitals of Tomorrow!
I have that graphic in my ‘Women in Tubes’ phial — uh, ‘file.’
Ah. 50s version of The Fifth Element?
“You should revere us!”
Talk about your queer supremacist.
That dude on the right side of the quartet looks really upset that the new girl gets to look so beautiful. Like he’s about to go complain on tik tok.
It has to be said, the demand for greater “trans visibility,” and what that will reveal, may not be entirely helpful to those in whose name such visibility is demanded.
There are, of course, sexually dysmorphic people who just want to get on with their lives, quietly, as best they can, given their condition. But I’m not sure that their prospects of doing so are enhanced by the seemingly endless parade of autogynephile piss-fetishists, unhinged misfits, and paedophilic creeps.
Just think – all of mankind’s history, all of mankind’s striving, learning and achievement, all mastery of technology from fire-making to lasers has come to this pinnacle – that a debauched trans-pansy reaches emotional critical mass over over pastry-cutting genitalia.
Don’t be surprised if he-she-it spontaneously combusts.
God help me, I clicked the link. How do I unclick it?
No refunds. Credit note only.
Wait a minute. What part of the wording – specifically, autogynephile piss-fetishists – was misleading or unclear?
[ Peers over spectacles. ]
Like these? (NSFW!)
Blimey. That’s… a lot to take in. As it were.
And once again, my browser history is taking a real hit.
“Award winning toys”. Because of course there are awards. And presumably ceremonies and such. Hors d’oeuvres (stupid spell check) are served.
You do have to acknowledge the professionalism of the, er, enterprise. There are 3D rotating views of said objects. One tentacle option, complete with sucker pads, is available in a dizzying array of colours, including “sparkly metallic sand” and “pearly teal that glows aqua,” and customers can select both size and, er, firmness.
Just realised I’ve spent far too long looking at these things.
[ Resumes compiling of tomorrow’s Ephemera. ]
Can we have genitalia that look like flowers? Or abstract sculpture?
I think you are going to get some abstract sculptures whether requested or not.
Can we have genitalia that look like flowers? Or abstract sculpture?
Men often think of the Roman Empire. (Caution advised)
I’ve often said this place is educational. I should apply for some kind of grant.
Via the comments over at Instapundit.
Amulets. Yes. Yes, that’s what they are. To ward off sickness. It’s for the children, you see. Heard that story before…
Can we have genitalia that look like flowers?
We’ve already mentioned the paintings of Dakota O’Keeffe, but seeing as how orchiectomy and orchid have the same root (NPI), it seems those of us who haven’t had the procedure are already there.
Well, if we are going to get creative with genitals, the animal kingdom has some dandy ones, though few of them would appeal to women since the female’s comfort is not number one on the design criteria for them. One insect doesn’t even bother with a vagina but just pokes a hole in the female’s carapace and dumps sperm into her body cavity. Sure, let’s just dump all the things that have ever worked (sex, family, motherhood, laws, church)–what could go wrong?
Well, if we are going to get creative with genitals, the animal kingdom has some dandy ones,
Ducks have evolved some crazy ones. Apparently male ducks don’t take no for an answer, which makes it hard for the female to be choosy about which genes she accepts. So the females have evolved some rather convoluted inner passages – not sure how that helps when she finds a male whose genes she wants, but this is how the theory goes. Male ducks in response have evolved some rather convoluted genitals with motor skills to navigate the convoluted female genitals and I guess roto-root out any previous genetic material deposited by other males. This was from a biology paper in a scientific journal – one of the figures was of said male duck genitals, fully extended on a black background.
It looked like some kind of root system (NPI) but I may be misremembering and there was no branching.It’s the female with the branching passages and dead ends. The male just has a long corkscrew that extends outward with some force (like a spring being released from pressure) during mating.
Viginia O’Queef.
Band namePorn Star pseudonym. Sorry. I had to.Driving home from work one day I see a lady jogger in my neighborhood slow down and look towards a retention pond, seemed to suddenly get self-conscious and continued on her way. I look over to where she was looking and see, on the side of the road, four or five drakes were gang-raping a hen. One was holding her down with his chest while another drake moved into position. The others were looking on. Them being ducks, the scene was somewhat comical though I doubt the hen saw it that way. Nasty creatures.
‘Edible orchid tuber’ doesn’t have quite the panache of ‘meat and two veg.’
The megalomania is nearing malignant levels. He’s going to murder someone someday. If someone doesn’t murder him first. Or he kills himself.
Yah, there was a rumor when I lived in Zimbabwe that the Chinese built Mugabe a rubber peepee to replace the one Ian Smith allegedly ordered removed. I don’t think it was a flower. I never believed it myself, because if it was true, a cloud of black smoke would have erupted from the chimneys of hell on the day he died. Still, we celebrate September 6 as Dead Bob Day, and burn tires to commemorate his passing to the inner circles.
I can’t wait until these folks are nothing but rotting corpses in the ditches alongside the overgrown roadways of our decayed civilization. This kind of social decadence will not survive the return of the gods of the copybook headings.