The Genitals Of Tomorrow
Are you ready for a “genderqueer planet”? Of course you are. And obviously, you have questions.
Thank goodness a teacher walks among us, a guide to what lies ahead. Meet Laura (formerly Lawrence) Jacobs, a man who describes himself as “trans and genderqueer-identified, kinky and non-monogamous,” and as a “lesbian” with “multiple intersecting identities.” And – because the universe has a sense of humour – a psychotherapist.
When not offering his expertise to prostitutes and “unicorns,” and devotees of polyamory and nipple clamps, Mr Jacobs shares his feverish visions with those less enlightened:
Get ready for flowerplasty https://t.co/gj5MQlgsUG
— e𝕏ulansic 🦎 (@TTExulansic) October 25, 2023
Readers with a taste for “empowered acts of self-creation,” and an unstable sense of self, will find much to chew on. The promise of wonders as yet unimagined. Because those bizarre, prosthetic pseudo-genitals will be “valid and valued.” And crowds will surely come.
Though given the limitations of current technology, as illustrated vividly here, you may have to wait a while.
Still, while you look forward to all those below-the-belt upgrades, you could always book a Zoom session and whet that appetite. You see, Mr Jacobs is more than a mere psychotherapist. He’s a full-on guru, practically a messiah:
Yes, those repeatedly mutilated novelty genitals – the ones that, if you squint, look like flowers or abstract sculpture – will light the way.
Batteries not included.
Goodness, there are buttons below. I wonder what they do.
I see what you did there.
This is my innocent face.
[ Points to face. ]
I’m always rather pleased when I can add a new category tag.
Like any dedicated artisan
,the surgeon would have stood back to admire his handiwork as a cut above the rest.Your classifications are both inventive and helpful. I’m lazy and would probably divide all blog entries between “loonies & perverts” and “other”.
I bring you the wonders of the world.
Not by the sound of it.
Oh, come now. Who hasn’t wanted a sex life that evokes John Carpenter’s The Thing…?
Tomorrow, my genitals are going to be slightly saggier than they are today. 🙁
[ Rolls consoling peanut along bar. ]
On the house.
Get ready for flowerplasty
Virginia O’Keeffe was unavailable for comment.
Yeah, I expect we would learn more from an obtunded loris, but do go on.
I suppose that is one way to say MSU, but do go on.
I would suggest a proper reply would be GFY, I am loath to make suggestions, but from the video I am willing to bet the plans are in the works.
Having every facet of your life revolve around your strapless or t-penis is a sad way to go through life. Even porn stars take a day off.
EEEEEEEEw
[ Looks in mirror, practises innocent face. ]
Can we just beat them up on the spot yet?
Speaking of which…
Her mother insisted as the pair soaked up. I am sensing something.
Thank goodness Dempsey (to be truly edgy should have gone with Firpo) had such a learned guide, at 19 months the kid might have picked up a toy truck and be totally confused now.
I’m sensing there should be a link in there somewhere.
And I presume Disney is working on adding this to their Carousel of Progress.
I’m sensing there should be a link in there somewhere.
You would be correct, I foolishly let a phone call distract me.
Oil based paint (even latex), smoke grenades emitting evil CO2, but they did say “Free Palestine” so the rozzers can’t touch them these days, not they have appeared to make any effort before..
I thought it was Florida O’Keefe?
Throw physic to the dogs; I’ll none of it.
More practise is needed.
Hmm.
Double Hmmmm.
This. This is what they all think (the activist ones) – he just said the quiet part out loud.
There’s gonna be a crash at the intersection of BLM, Trans Inc, and probably Islam, who I don’t see bowing down to the BLM types or the BLTGPQRST++ types either.
Band name.
Band name.
This. This is what they all think…
Yep, but normal people are starting to say enough is enough.
I’m going old school…
<a href=”https://d7hftxdivxxvm.cloudfront.net/?height=1024&quality=80&resize_to=fit&src=https%3A%2F%2Fartsy-media-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com%2FzKiM-X6NAHo6XHr-epLQlg%252FTullio%2BLombardo%252C%2BAdam%2B%25281%2529.jpg&width=1024>old school.</a>
[ Surveys latest HTML atrocity. ]
For adding images, we have one of these.
Dear God, with each edit, it’s actually getting worse.
For adding images, we have one of these.
Oh, fine, now something shows up…
THAT ONE TIME.
[ Muffled laughter, choking. ]
THAT ONE TIME
Sure, sure, but the auto-HTML widgets including the work of Satan Link-O-Matic 9000™ are the greatest thing since the parting of the Red Sea.
Speaking of the Link-A-Pic MkVII™, it only wants to link pics from my hard drive, (and that I just don’t see happening), unless there is some other bit of Gen Z Code Monkey arcana not readily apparent to normal people.
Works fine for me – and, seemingly, almost everyone else. Apart from that one screw-up, the one you kindly pointed out, which was definitely human error.
As, I dare say, it always is.
Everyone wants to be special and to be praised for being special. But 99.9% of us are not special. Even those who do something amazing are average everywhere else. Do my friends care about the clever code I wrote? Oh, maybe 2 of them do. If you see someone at a party do you even know that they can juggle or write poetry? Of course if they are vegan, they will tell you….but in general we do not know or care about the “special” talents people have/do. Insisting that you get praise? Wow. Way out of line.
Oh, and why do we not praise nudists? That is pretty boundary breaking.
Apart from that one screw-up, the one you kindly pointed out, which was definitely human error.
One screw up – you see, that is the thing, as you are the owner-operator, we never see what really might have gone on behind the curtain, what with the blogging thongs and all is probably a good thing.
As far as human error goes, we are mere humans trying to interact with Millennial and Gen Z code monkey stuff, so it is not really human-human interaction, more like trying to deal with the machinations of not particularly bright penguins.
THAT ONE TIME.
Oh, and why do we not praise nudists?
Because like the nude protesters, they are generally not the people one would like to see nude..
I’m just going to leave this here. Because I can.
No, wait, wait…don’t tell me…was it Tennessee O’Keefe? No…no…No, now I remember…West Virginia O’Keefe! Damn. Glad I remembered. That was bugging me.
Not always reliable.
For what? Displaying their shortcomings to the world?
That was bugging me.
Me too, I later remembered it was not Virginia O’Keeffe, but Carolina O’Keeffe. I was thinking of Tennessee Tuxedo, and the fondness she and Adelbert Stieglitz had for Tuxedo Junction in New Mexico but where they were afraid the Virginia wolves that had been brought there by Mississippi Fred McDowell and Illinois Jacquet.
Or something.
Neither are all the pain meds, antibiotics, etc that make it possible.
Between neuralink and that cyber-goofball that used to make appearances in various articles at The Register, I think one of these wonders of biological engineering is going to become the first commonly recognized cyborg.
Again, I’ve not noticed any problems with attaching images. However, I’ve increased the maximum acceptable size to 10MB, in case that has been an issue in the past.
Not sure what bourgeois he thinks he’s epateeing with his abstract sculpture, as if it’s unobjectionable that genitals can be swapped out like rear view mirror ornaments, but to suggest that such ornaments could come in more than the two traditional shapes, that’s an affront to dignity and a step too far.
Surprisingly easy transition between “we’re asking for something superficial that has no effect on your life and you’re being paranoid about it”, and “we’re asking for something profound that will turn your life upside down and you’re being paranoid about it”.
A combination that should always set off alarm bells: supremacist, resentful, has plans for you.
Touchy lot too.
Exactly. I was thinking Tennessee Ernie Ford but then I remembered he was a playwright.
I was thinking Tennessee Ernie Ford but then I remembered he was a playwright.
I believe you mean Tennessee Edsel Ford all of whose plays were very flashy but commercial failures.
Throw physic to the dogs; I’ll none of it.
She, or maybe it, is troubled with thick-coming fancies.
…he was a playwright.
Or maybe a newspaper columnist. Here’s to the pair of you…
“The Genitals Of Tomorrow”
Sure that isn’t in the Science Fiction Hall of Fame, vol 3? Or was that the twelfth edition of Amazing Stories?
Sounds vaugly Asimov…ish.
You know, I’m actually considering purchasing an edsel. The kind with a T-square. I’ve been doing a lot of design work lately.
Underwater hockey is actually a thing. A few friends/associates are big into it. I’ve tried to explain to them that a ladies’ topless league would be far more lucrative but again, nobody listens to me.
Sure that isn’t in the Science Fiction Hall of Fame, vol 3?
The Genitals of Tomorrow!
I have that graphic in my ‘Women in Tubes’ phial — uh, ‘file.’
Ah. 50s version of The Fifth Element?
“You should revere us!”
Talk about your queer supremacist.
That dude on the right side of the quartet looks really upset that the new girl gets to look so beautiful. Like he’s about to go complain on tik tok.
It has to be said, the demand for greater “trans visibility,” and what that will reveal, may not be entirely helpful to those in whose name such visibility is demanded.
There are, of course, sexually dysmorphic people who just want to get on with their lives, quietly, as best they can, given their condition. But I’m not sure that their prospects of doing so are enhanced by the seemingly endless parade of autogynephile piss-fetishists, unhinged misfits, and paedophilic creeps.
Just think – all of mankind’s history, all of mankind’s striving, learning and achievement, all mastery of technology from fire-making to lasers has come to this pinnacle – that a debauched trans-pansy reaches emotional critical mass over over pastry-cutting genitalia.
Don’t be surprised if he-she-it spontaneously combusts.
God help me, I clicked the link. How do I unclick it?
No refunds. Credit note only.
Wait a minute. What part of the wording – specifically, autogynephile piss-fetishists – was misleading or unclear?
[ Peers over spectacles. ]
Like these? (NSFW!)
Blimey. That’s… a lot to take in. As it were.
And once again, my browser history is taking a real hit.
“Award winning toys”. Because of course there are awards. And presumably ceremonies and such. Hors d’oeuvres (stupid spell check) are served.
You do have to acknowledge the professionalism of the, er, enterprise. There are 3D rotating views of said objects. One tentacle option, complete with sucker pads, is available in a dizzying array of colours, including “sparkly metallic sand” and “pearly teal that glows aqua,” and customers can select both size and, er, firmness.
Just realised I’ve spent far too long looking at these things.
[ Resumes compiling of tomorrow’s Ephemera. ]
Can we have genitalia that look like flowers? Or abstract sculpture?
I think you are going to get some abstract sculptures whether requested or not.
Can we have genitalia that look like flowers? Or abstract sculpture?
Men often think of the Roman Empire. (Caution advised)
I’ve often said this place is educational. I should apply for some kind of grant.
Via the comments over at Instapundit.
Amulets. Yes. Yes, that’s what they are. To ward off sickness. It’s for the children, you see. Heard that story before…
Can we have genitalia that look like flowers?
We’ve already mentioned the paintings of Dakota O’Keeffe, but seeing as how orchiectomy and orchid have the same root (NPI), it seems those of us who haven’t had the procedure are already there.
Well, if we are going to get creative with genitals, the animal kingdom has some dandy ones, though few of them would appeal to women since the female’s comfort is not number one on the design criteria for them. One insect doesn’t even bother with a vagina but just pokes a hole in the female’s carapace and dumps sperm into her body cavity. Sure, let’s just dump all the things that have ever worked (sex, family, motherhood, laws, church)–what could go wrong?
Well, if we are going to get creative with genitals, the animal kingdom has some dandy ones,
Ducks have evolved some crazy ones. Apparently male ducks don’t take no for an answer, which makes it hard for the female to be choosy about which genes she accepts. So the females have evolved some rather convoluted inner passages – not sure how that helps when she finds a male whose genes she wants, but this is how the theory goes. Male ducks in response have evolved some rather convoluted genitals with motor skills to navigate the convoluted female genitals and I guess roto-root out any previous genetic material deposited by other males. This was from a biology paper in a scientific journal – one of the figures was of said male duck genitals, fully extended on a black background.
It looked like some kind of root system (NPI) but I may be misremembering and there was no branching.It’s the female with the branching passages and dead ends. The male just has a long corkscrew that extends outward with some force (like a spring being released from pressure) during mating.
Viginia O’Queef.
Band namePorn Star pseudonym. Sorry. I had to.Driving home from work one day I see a lady jogger in my neighborhood slow down and look towards a retention pond, seemed to suddenly get self-conscious and continued on her way. I look over to where she was looking and see, on the side of the road, four or five drakes were gang-raping a hen. One was holding her down with his chest while another drake moved into position. The others were looking on. Them being ducks, the scene was somewhat comical though I doubt the hen saw it that way. Nasty creatures.
‘Edible orchid tuber’ doesn’t have quite the panache of ‘meat and two veg.’
The megalomania is nearing malignant levels. He’s going to murder someone someday. If someone doesn’t murder him first. Or he kills himself.
Yah, there was a rumor when I lived in Zimbabwe that the Chinese built Mugabe a rubber peepee to replace the one Ian Smith allegedly ordered removed. I don’t think it was a flower. I never believed it myself, because if it was true, a cloud of black smoke would have erupted from the chimneys of hell on the day he died. Still, we celebrate September 6 as Dead Bob Day, and burn tires to commemorate his passing to the inner circles.
I can’t wait until these folks are nothing but rotting corpses in the ditches alongside the overgrown roadways of our decayed civilization. This kind of social decadence will not survive the return of the gods of the copybook headings.