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Behold My Massive Breasts
Behold My Massive Breasts Pronouns Or Else

For Buoyancy, Perhaps

February 26, 2025 110 Comments

Lifted from the comments, a tale of self-satisfied inclusiveness from Edmonton, Alberta: 

A Canadian mother… was chastised by staff at her local recreation centre after reporting that a balding man wearing “fetish gear” was in the women’s changing room.

The mother and her 14-year-old daughter had visited the Bonnie Doon Leisure Centre for an afternoon in the pool. However, their plans were derailed by an encounter with the incongruous:

The man, who appeared to be in his mid-forties, was wearing a “black penis sling” and an exposed rubber breast form. 

For the innocent and unworldly, that’s fake rubber boobs. Generally of ample proportions, as worn by drag queens. And a penis sling, obviously. I’ll let you Google that one.

The mother promptly backed away from the scene of the psychodrama:

“My daughter was behind me… I backed up quickly so she would not keep walking forward and yelled, ‘Help, there is a man in the change room.’” 

A not unreasonable response. At least until about five minutes ago.

After explaining what she had seen in the women’s changing area, a male staff member dismissed her concerns.

You see, when you’re about to get undressed in a women’s changing room and you realise you’re being watched by a balding pervert in an overtly sexual micro-thong, and with fake rubber knockers attached to his person, this is just part and parcel of being sensitive and inclusive. Apparently, we must learn to embrace modernity and its many sophistications. Especially the ladies.

A female member of staff joined the discussion, which the mother recorded. Sisterhood, however, was not forthcoming:

In the recording, Keri is heard giving a statement to the staff member and explaining precisely what she had experienced… “I walked in with my 14-year-old daughter… I am 54, I should not have to put up with it. But she should definitely not be exposed to a man enjoying his fetish in the women’s washroom.”

In response, the staff member explains that “It is the city of Edmonton’s policy that you can use whatever changing room you are most comfortable using.” She goes on to defend the man’s attire, saying, “They can wear whatever they are comfortable wearing.”

Again, penis sling, rubber boobs. Lest we forget.

A subsequent exchange with an officer of the Edmonton Police Service proved equally frustrating, and the mother was told that she was free to “stop using the pool.” Because retreating from intrusion and perversity, ceding space to it, is very in right now.

“I tried to press [constable Matthew Hawley] about whether he thought 14-year-old girls should have to get undressed in front of middle-aged men in fetish gear and he said the [Edmonton Police Service] has no position on it.”

However, a report was filed:

The police report, which refers to the man by gender neutral pronouns… states: “The person’s penis was covered by the penis sling however the fake breasts were bare.”

It was a person’s penis, you see. In the ladies’ changing room.

And yes, needless to say, we’ve been here before.

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Written by: David
Academia Behold My Massive Breasts

What, These Knockers Here?

February 3, 2025 130 Comments

In academic news, Yasmin Benoit, “model and award-winning asexual activist,” announces her new position and wants you to notice her cleavage:

I’m honoured to announce that I’ve been given a visiting position at @KingsCollegeLon! We’re going to be conducting research into asexuality together & our first academic paper will be coming out this month! I’m in my academic era. 🎓#ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike pic.twitter.com/cam5uhAvvt

— Yasmin Benoit, MSc (@theyasminbenoit) January 3, 2025


Because she’s so asexual, you know. 

Via Ophelia, who asks a not unreasonable question.

Readers are welcome to speculate as to what, exactly, “asexual rights” might entail, and how being asexual, or, more coyly, aromantic, differs in any meaningful way from having a low sex drive. Other than the statusful, rather pretentious labelling, I mean. 

Update, via the comments: 

Clam quips,

So she’s going to write an academic paper in… three weeks?

*tries not to look at tits*

Truly, we live in an age of wonders.

At which point, I should add that Ms Benoit’s insights, aired via Instagram, include a revelation that SpongeBob Squarepants is also asexual. Which may hint at the dizzying levels of scholarship to be anticipated.

Inevitably, Ms Benoit shoehorns in a racial victimhood angle. Because… well, one can’t be seen without one, I suppose. Not in academia. And so, we’re told that asexual people who are also black “just aren’t perceived as the ideal type of asexual representation, nor are we as amplified or included within the asexual community nearly as much.”

Yes, it’s tears and contrivance all the way down.

And I have to say, Visiting Research Fellows aren’t generally so keen to show off their bras in their social media avatars, or to foreground their breasts in every single photo, or indeed to do interviews with Playboy magazine. Complete with breast-heavy – but, like, totally asexual – photoshoots.

Above, one of many such items. For research purposes only.

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Written by: David
Academia Behold My Massive Breasts Parenting Political Nipples Pronouns Or Else Psychodrama

You Will Practise Not Noticing

September 21, 2022 76 Comments

Further to recent rumblings in the comments, the Globe and Mail’s Phoebe Maltz Bovy offers what I believe is called a hot take:

Most will be familiar with the following scenario: a young girl, a teen or tween, gets in trouble with her school’s administration for a dress-code violation. Her supposed crime against decency: looking provocative. It will turn out that the girl was wearing some normal teenager outfit, jeans and a T-shirt or something equally boring, but had the audacity to attend school in a body with breasts, hips and a post-pubescent-looking behind… She is not choosing to draw attention to herself simply by existing. It’s the fault of the adults around her for sexualising her.

Given what follows, do keep that last line in mind.

But in a twist to the typical narrative, this time around, a high-school teacher in Oakville, Ont., made headlines for her curvaceous classroom presence.

That would be this chap’s curvaceous classroom presence.

“The conservative press and right-wing social media” are then mentioned, complete with implied hissing, on grounds that those irredeemable right-wingers have noticed something untoward:

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Written by: David

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