The Genitals Of Tomorrow
Are you ready for a “genderqueer planet”? Of course you are. And obviously, you have questions.
Thank goodness a teacher walks among us, a guide to what lies ahead. Meet Laura (formerly Lawrence) Jacobs, a man who describes himself as “trans and genderqueer-identified, kinky and non-monogamous,” and as a “lesbian” with “multiple intersecting identities.” And – because the universe has a sense of humour – a psychotherapist.
Above, Mr Jacobs and his lingerie.
When not offering his expertise to prostitutes and “unicorns,” and devotees of polyamory and nipple clamps, Mr Jacobs shares his feverish visions with those less enlightened:
Get ready for flowerplasty https://t.co/gj5MQlgsUG
— Σ𝕏ulansic 🦎 (@TTExulansic) October 25, 2023
Readers with a taste for “empowered acts of self-creation,” and an unstable sense of self, will find much to chew on. The promise of wonders as yet unimagined. Because those bizarre, prosthetic pseudo-genitals will be “valid and valued.” And crowds will surely come.
Though given the limitations of current technology, as illustrated vividly here, you may have to wait a while.
Still, while you look forward to all those below-the-belt upgrades, you could always book a Zoom session and whet that appetite. You see, Mr Jacobs is more than a mere psychotherapist. He’s a full-on guru, practically a messiah:
Yes, those repeatedly mutilated novelty genitals – the ones that, if you squint, look like flowers or abstract sculpture – will light the way.
Batteries not included.
Goodness, there are buttons below. I wonder what they do.
I see what you did there.
This is my innocent face.
[ Points to face. ]
I’m always rather pleased when I can add a new category tag.
Like any dedicated artisan
,the surgeon would have stood back to admire his handiwork as a cut above the rest.Your classifications are both inventive and helpful. I’m lazy and would probably divide all blog entries between “loonies & perverts” and “other”.
I bring you the wonders of the world.
Not by the sound of it.
Oh, come now. Who hasn’t wanted a sex life that evokes John Carpenter’s The Thing…?
Tomorrow, my genitals are going to be slightly saggier than they are today. 🙁
[ Rolls consoling peanut along bar. ]
On the house.
Get ready for flowerplasty
Virginia O’Keeffe was unavailable for comment.
Yeah, I expect we would learn more from an obtunded loris, but do go on.
I suppose that is one way to say MSU, but do go on.
I would suggest a proper reply would be GFY, I am loath to make suggestions, but from the video I am willing to bet the plans are in the works.
Having every facet of your life revolve around your strapless or t-penis is a sad way to go through life. Even porn stars take a day off.
EEEEEEEEw
[ Looks in mirror, practises innocent face. ]
Can we just beat them up on the spot yet?
Speaking of which…
Her mother insisted as the pair soaked up. I am sensing something.
Thank goodness Dempsey (to be truly edgy should have gone with Firpo) had such a learned guide, at 19 months the kid might have picked up a toy truck and be totally confused now.
I’m sensing there should be a link in there somewhere.
And I presume Disney is working on adding this to their Carousel of Progress.
I’m sensing there should be a link in there somewhere.
You would be correct, I foolishly let a phone call distract me.
Oil based paint (even latex), smoke grenades emitting evil CO2, but they did say “Free Palestine” so the rozzers can’t touch them these days, not they have appeared to make any effort before..
I thought it was Florida O’Keefe?
Throw physic to the dogs; I’ll none of it.
More practise is needed.
Hmm.
Double Hmmmm.
This. This is what they all think (the activist ones) – he just said the quiet part out loud.
There’s gonna be a crash at the intersection of BLM, Trans Inc, and probably Islam, who I don’t see bowing down to the BLM types or the BLTGPQRST++ types either.
Band name.
Band name.
This. This is what they all think…
Yep, but normal people are starting to say enough is enough.
I’m going old school…
<a href=”https://d7hftxdivxxvm.cloudfront.net/?height=1024&quality=80&resize_to=fit&src=https%3A%2F%2Fartsy-media-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com%2FzKiM-X6NAHo6XHr-epLQlg%252FTullio%2BLombardo%252C%2BAdam%2B%25281%2529.jpg&width=1024>old school.</a>
[ Surveys latest HTML atrocity. ]
For adding images, we have one of these.
Dear God, with each edit, it’s actually getting worse.
For adding images, we have one of these.
Oh, fine, now something shows up…
THAT ONE TIME.
[ Muffled laughter, choking. ]
THAT ONE TIME
Sure, sure, but the auto-HTML widgets including the work of Satan Link-O-Matic 9000™ are the greatest thing since the parting of the Red Sea.
Speaking of the Link-A-Pic MkVII™, it only wants to link pics from my hard drive, (and that I just don’t see happening), unless there is some other bit of Gen Z Code Monkey arcana not readily apparent to normal people.
Works fine for me – and, seemingly, almost everyone else. Apart from that one screw-up, the one you kindly pointed out, which was definitely human error.
As, I dare say, it always is.
Everyone wants to be special and to be praised for being special. But 99.9% of us are not special. Even those who do something amazing are average everywhere else. Do my friends care about the clever code I wrote? Oh, maybe 2 of them do. If you see someone at a party do you even know that they can juggle or write poetry? Of course if they are vegan, they will tell you….but in general we do not know or care about the “special” talents people have/do. Insisting that you get praise? Wow. Way out of line.
Oh, and why do we not praise nudists? That is pretty boundary breaking.
Apart from that one screw-up, the one you kindly pointed out, which was definitely human error.
One screw up – you see, that is the thing, as you are the owner-operator, we never see what really might have gone on behind the curtain, what with the blogging thongs and all is probably a good thing.
As far as human error goes, we are mere humans trying to interact with Millennial and Gen Z code monkey stuff, so it is not really human-human interaction, more like trying to deal with the machinations of not particularly bright penguins.
THAT ONE TIME.
Oh, and why do we not praise nudists?
Because like the nude protesters, they are generally not the people one would like to see nude..
I’m just going to leave this here. Because I can.
No, wait, wait…don’t tell me…was it Tennessee O’Keefe? No…no…No, now I remember…West Virginia O’Keefe! Damn. Glad I remembered. That was bugging me.
Not always reliable.
For what? Displaying their shortcomings to the world?
That was bugging me.
Me too, I later remembered it was not Virginia O’Keeffe, but Carolina O’Keeffe. I was thinking of Tennessee Tuxedo, and the fondness she and Adelbert Stieglitz had for Tuxedo Junction in New Mexico but where they were afraid the Virginia wolves that had been brought there by Mississippi Fred McDowell and Illinois Jacquet.
Or something.
Neither are all the pain meds, antibiotics, etc that make it possible.
Between neuralink and that cyber-goofball that used to make appearances in various articles at The Register, I think one of these wonders of biological engineering is going to become the first commonly recognized cyborg.
Again, I’ve not noticed any problems with attaching images. However, I’ve increased the maximum acceptable size to 10MB, in case that has been an issue in the past.
Not sure what bourgeois he thinks he’s epateeing with his abstract sculpture, as if it’s unobjectionable that genitals can be swapped out like rear view mirror ornaments, but to suggest that such ornaments could come in more than the two traditional shapes, that’s an affront to dignity and a step too far.
Surprisingly easy transition between “we’re asking for something superficial that has no effect on your life and you’re being paranoid about it”, and “we’re asking for something profound that will turn your life upside down and you’re being paranoid about it”.
A combination that should always set off alarm bells: supremacist, resentful, has plans for you.
Touchy lot too.
Exactly. I was thinking Tennessee Ernie Ford but then I remembered he was a playwright.
I was thinking Tennessee Ernie Ford but then I remembered he was a playwright.
I believe you mean Tennessee Edsel Ford all of whose plays were very flashy but commercial failures.