This just in: 

A trans-identified male in Austria is appealing his conviction after stabbing his elderly caregiver with his high heels in retaliation for a perceived insult towards a Barbie doll he considers to be his “girlfriend.”

Yes, I know. It’s a lot to unpack.

The man, who was sentenced to 2.5 years in prison, has a violent criminal record and 12 previous convictions.

How many of those incidents were shoe-related, or involved insulted Barbie dolls, is unclear.

According to the Kleine Zeitung, the unnamed perpetrator, aged sixty and dubbed Franz, attacked his 81-year-old carer, punching him repeatedly and,

stabbing him in the head, chest, and hands, with his high-heeled shoes.

When subsequently appearing in court, Franz decided against wearing heels, perhaps wisely, and opted instead for “a chic sweater” and “delicate sandals.”

During his hearings, Franz had been permitted to hold a blonde Barbie doll, which he refers to as “Carina” and considers to be his girlfriend. 

Franz, since you ask, was diagnosed with “a severe personality disorder” and a tendency towards violence, but was considered “still sane.”

The doll was at the centre of the case, with Franz claiming that his caregiver “provoked” him by mistreating “Carina” due to jealousy over their “relationship.” Franz claimed his caregiver wanted to have sexual relations with him, something the aide denied.

The defendant also claimed that his fit of violent rage had been “provoked” by arguments over expenses, and his elderly carer’s failure to bring him toy cars, or any gifts for his small, plastic girlfriend.

Modernity, dear readers. It’s an acquired taste.

Previously in the world of transgender shoe-related crime.

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