Tidings
Or, He’s Put Tinsel On The Tip Jar.
Konkon’s Yawn, photographed by Tak.
As is the custom here, posting will be intermittent over the holidays and readers are advised to follow me on X, or subscribe to the blog feed at the very bottom of the page, either of which will alert you to anything new as and when it materialises.
Thanks for another 1.5 million or so visits this year and thousands of comments, many of which prompted discussions that are much more interesting than the actual posts. Which is pretty much the idea.
And particular thanks to all those who’ve made PayPal, Ko-Fi, or SubscribeStar donations to keep this rickety barge above water. It’s much appreciated. Should you be gripped by a seasonal urge to express encouragement via currency, by all means use the buttons below this post.
Just think of my little face lighting up.
Curious newcomers and those with nothing better to do are welcome to rummage through the Reheated series in search of entertainment. You may find things you’d missed. And this, needless to say, is an open thread.
To you and yours, a very good one.
And to you and yours, David. *Christmas ping*
Ho ho ho.
Just in time for the hoidays, dude explains the recent algo changes on X that help boost your posts’ rankings.
Bless you, sir, and bless you, madam. May you know the wicked pleasure of visiting a beloved sister-in-law and hearing her teenage daughter enquire about the forthcoming meal with the words, “Mom, are we having that chewy meat again?”
#TrueStory
🎅🎄🛷🦌🕯️🔔🎁❄️☃️
𝔖𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔬𝔫’𝔰 𝔊𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰
He he. Merry Christmas, Mr T.
*Ping*
Bless you, ladies. May you never be obliged to smile at a gift of unattractive novelty socks.
I should add that it happened more than a decade ago. I’m still not sure she’s seen the funny side of it.
Still rather tickled by the blissful innocence of the enquiry. It was entirely free of malice. More a sort of humanitarian concern.
How to return your keys.
There’s something in your stocking, barkeep. Merry Christmas everyone.
Last day at work so I’m in a good mood. Merry Christmas (and ping).
The meat with no name?
Bless you, sirs. May your inboxes be free of Substack notifications that you never, ever read.
P.S. Ping!
Bless you, sir. May your bookshelves not be in obvious need of dusting.
Well, quite. It was wonderfully non-specific. As if it were difficult to determine what kind of animal it had once been. It was just meat. With, it seems, excessively chewy properties.
I never solved the mystery.
Ah, good times.
Band name.
Best to all.
*stuffs a few quid in the tip jar*
Bless you, sir. May you live near a very good deli.
Merry Christmas to our gracious host and all the regulars.
*ping*
Bless you, madam. May your tired-looking oven gloves soon be upgraded.
Awww, so happy!
“Ping!”
Bless you, sir. May your sleek, electric nose-hair trimmer be free of gunk.
Yes, but are you this happy?
Boing.
I do need new oven gloves but they look a bit industrial.
They’re a bit like Big Hulk Hands, but they’re very good and, unlike oven gloves that are connected, you can use your arms independently, reach for things and whatnot. A great improvement on the scorched, rather sad-looking things that used to hang by our oven.
Ever wonder why there are none of these drone sightings over Tennessee?
Signage of note.
Incoming.
For those of you who really need a 17-minute in-depth analysis of the launch of Thunderbird 2.
Signage of note.
And I get roasted by my Murikan cousins for Canadian bacon being ham.
A good reason not to stop for breakfast in Albany.
Yes, but did you call the number?
Somewhat related.
There’s a difference between named meat and meat with a name.
But is it chewy?
Yes, but did you call the number?
I thought about it, but I don’t have cell talk coverage for the U.S.
Somewhat related.
Ooh, the human pepperoni is on sale. $500 dollars off per 300 grams. Looks like a bargain. Soylent Green is people!
There’s a difference between named meat and meat with a name.
So what your asking is: Are they made with real girl scouts?
Merry Xmas, and thanks for all the great reads during the year!
Ping. Merry Christmas!
There was a Portlandia episode about this.
So…I was at the zoo today. I tried to buy you a hippopotamus but when they told me that I couldn’t take it out of the zoo, I pitched a fit and they gave me my money back…so…ping instead. A hippopotamus would have been waaaaaay cooler but I suppose I saved some bank on the shipping charges. So in a sense, I’ll consider that your present to me. No need to bother this year.
Mutton?
“This is the woman’s mugshot.”
Corroboration.
There goes my search history. I liked how they ran a verification scan on me before letting me in.
I’m not going to be happy with the ads I’ll be getting. We’ll just see what to do about that.
You may rue the day.
Hey, what am I, chopped liver?
https://x.com/HazelAppleyard_/status/1869883232294187078
Can’t argue with the logic.
That thing that never happens.
As one commenter points out, “It’s amazing how you can stick five nouns together and tell a whole story.”
Food manufacturers in the US have “test kitchens” devoted to developing recipes using the “X” product … and then such ‘recipe’ ends up being part of an ad campaign. That doesn’t mean the result ends up on the American table.
But yeah, it does/did contribute to all manner of food desecration. 🙂
No, but it does end up here.
Bless you, sirs. May the quality of your Wi-Fi signal not be dramatically different depending on which side of the bed you happen to be occupying.
And thanks to all who’ve chipped in, or subscribed, or done shopping via the Amazon link, including all those much too shy to say hello. It’s much appreciated and is what keeps this place here.
And we know that’s definitely not fake ad BS like this how? I mean, yes I could be wrong but I’ve seen a lot of this lately since AI has made image invention/alteration easier. For me, a dead giveaway is anything involving mayonnaise. Which is a French thing. Just for reference. Beans on toast however…
They’re not always on toast, actually. They’re also a refreshing beverage.
If that’s not classy, I don’t know what is.
Especially since it doesn’t appear to leave beans all over the floor.
Candle ice.
Quality work.
This is my dog, Bronx. No reason to post this if only just to show you how handsome he is. Unfortunately, his brother, Zeke, apssed away in October so I am taking bronx with me to more places, like location scouting. This is becoming my pet project for 2025 – “Travels With Bronx.”
Adorable dogs are always welcome here.
Flexibility.
Encouragement expressed. 🙂
Merry Christmas, heathen rabble.
Bless you, sir. May your coat hangers be plentiful and of excellent quality.
Penelope is selling a mirror.
dicentra:
Beat me to it. Love Dave Lileks.
Everything comes back into fashion…. The postmodern chefs have done all kinds of experiments with gelatin and other thickening agents. I’ve seen articles about gravy-flavored jelly beans a-la Harry Potter.
This is the moment when James Lileks should enter the chat.
I see Dicentra has beaten me to it.
“Landlord special” as they say. Back when I was renting in Chicago, nearly all the light switches in older apartments looked like that: Decades of layers of paint making the switches much thicker than they originally were, because landlords only paid for the quickest cheapest job.
If only there were a way for people to hide their shamefully hideous phones.
from a non-public post, because I’m too lazy to track down the BB original:
Heh: racism in ambulance services.
*fall down Gerry Anderson rabbit hole*
Thank you for that.
Ping!
Happy to oblige. And if you like that kind of thing, there’s plenty of it.
Bless you, sir. May your last-minute visit to the supermarket before the holidays be surprisingly Zen and effortless, despite the crowding and agitation around you, and the apparent panic-buying of potatoes.
‘Alleged’ gunshot wounds?
Heat shield testing.
The people who believed they were made of glass.
Now we have Bluesky.
People made of glass: my belief is that when someone is mentally ill the brain still tries to make sense of the world and will grab onto images/ideas/themes in the culture around it. Thus the madness of one period differs from other periods.
Discontent can also be captured by an idea and channeled, such as Germans in 1939 believing Jews caused all their problems and attacking them or more recent examples.
It’s racist to lock up the products that theft-inclined groups like to steal.
But grifts are inclusive.
You can tell it’s a grift because, unless my eyes deceive me, that’s Gloria Allred seated next to Mrs. Grundy (and that moniker is worth a raised eyebrow).
[ Sips gin and tonic, surveys kingdom. ]
For David:
A classic–first saw this several years ago:
No, after you.
The Religion of Peace and Tolerance is at it again.
So at the beach today, got into a conversation with an otherwise nice retired Canadian couple. Conversation devolved into politics despite my attempt to divert… but once we fully went there, we weren’t giving up. Anyway, these otherwise nice people, retired business owners of an ice cream shop, are convinced that there will not be another election in the US. Maybe a 2026 midterm but definitely not a presidential election in 2028. I tried to get the guy to bet on it, $500(US) but of course such people never believe in gambling. So…anyway…I made the guy promise to take his wife out to a very expensive $500 dinner in four years just in case there is an election. Because I’m a nice guy that way. He now has my phone number because he said I was the only reasonably intelligent Republican he has ever met. Despite my cwazy, cwazy conthpiwathy beliefs. Mine, mind you.
Also, to the Canucks here…wtf they teach you guys about the KKK? There’s apparently some sort of belief in a pipeline that runs from the KKK to RepublicanguyIforget to the Heritage Foundation. He tried explaining some Canadian socialist party BS to me (he was convinced that he himself wasn’t a socialist and I believe that he believes that). I so wanted to ask him about the Yogic Flyers but damn old brain let it slip away.
Ooh, also…while he considered himself to be something of a news/political junkie he had no idea what I was talking about when he mentioned Poilieviereiereiere and I said, “That’s the apple-eating guy, right?”
while he considered himself to be something of a news/political junkie he had no idea what I was talking about
Most and I mean the majority of Canadians are mis-, ill-, un-, informed. They read the Toronto Star and watch the CBC and think they’re getting the straight goods. Even the “conservatives” may only read the National Post or the Toronto Sun and think they know everything about an issue.
Don’t get me started about the smugness. Most Canadians look down their noses at the US and get the giggles over the US late night talk show hosts, believing they’re right in on the jokes. They’re very much like the bluest of blue state bubble inhabitors.
As an aside, my wife and I were staying at a bed and breakfast in Canada for a wedding just ahead of the very first Trump election cycle. We shared the breakfast table with a nice US couple from the mid-west. I asked him how he thought the election was going to go. He told me that you only saw Hillary signs and she would win in a landslide. I said “that’s interesting, I think Trump is going to win.” He and his wife were aghast. They mentioned the sign thing again. I said “would you put a Trump sign on your lawn?” Listen to the way they’re talking about Trump and his supporters. I said Hillary is calling your fellow Americans a “basket of deplorables.” I think I at least got him thinking.
Same seems to be true of continental Europeans.
[ Surveys selection of wines and liqueurs. Or maybe brandy in coffee. ]
He brought up the “horse dewormer” thing and couldn’t believe that I thought it was legitimate medical treatment for humans. Then when I referenced what is going on with the sexual transitioning of children, he looked away in that manner that one does when you’re trying to be polite and not laugh in a person’s face because they’re obviously talking crazy talk. Though TBF, whenever I reference this crazy BS even I feel like I’m talking crazy talk, it’s all so bloody crazy. I genuinely think he believes that the transitioning of children is just Fox News BS. It was all rather stunning as we caught each other by surprise by our mutual contempt for our respective countries printing money to pay for the BS. He acknowledged that they pay way too much in taxes. And health care, for opposite border reasons, was a joke. He didn’t defend Trudeau when I made a reference to Castro but he did say something dismissive about “Pierre’s boy”.
It was all very interesting in a non-hysterical way. Curious if/when/what will prompt him to ping me. I didn’t ask for his number so the ball will remain in his court. Unless we bump into each other again in this small beach town in the next two weeks.
he looked away in that manner that one does when you’re trying to be polite and not laugh in a person’s face because they’re obviously talking crazy talk.
He wouldn’t know that some of the thought leaders in the anti-gender ideology space like Billboard Chris are Canadians.
With respect to healthcare and ivermectin, he would only know what he’s read in the lame-stream media. One of the down sides of universal health care is Canadians know very little about the drugs that are used in treatment. We aren’t bombarded with ads from pharma companies. All we know is we were told to take something. So like a good little boy we do.
The thing about many Canadians is they are quick to dismiss something that runs counter to what they know they know, despite never having gone through the arguments for and against before deciding. Most of us are good people at heart but we’re increasingly becoming insufferable as a people. That’s how you describe the behaviour of someone like Justin Trudeau. It’s also so jarring. Canadians don’t want to see themselves in his narcissism but how else do you explain people voting for him over and over again. He’s been Prime Minister for 9 years. Canadians will keep voting a party in until they get tired of them. Things are seldom done for truly ideological reasons.
The Labour Theory of Philosophical and Moral Value
Many Americans really have no idea how virulently, reflexively anti-American most Canadians are.
https://web.archive.org/web/20200517134106/https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/2004/11/28/before-you-flee-to-canada-can-we-talk/878044e8-18e6-4648-8efb-d2894be29ef5/
I knew it was de rigeur for Canadians to vituperate all things American, but some of that stuff borders on (SWIDT) derangement.
Living in our shadow can’t be easy, especially since they’re so similar culturally and economically, and yet they really haven’t outshone us in anything. Population’s too small; climate’s too cold.
Oh, Canada. Is this why you instituted MAiD?
It’s racist to lock up the products that theft-inclined groups like to steal.
They lock up the men’s underwear too – all of the packaged briefs and such. They lock up all the makeup, and all facial beauty products, not just the stuff marketed toward black people. I live in a shithole city dominated by gangs and ghettos, and I have to go to a small town in the boonies or a nearby state to find a Walmart that doesn’t lock up stuff I need. It’s funny because if I remember right the black people hair products are not locked up. Walmart can’t admit they have a theft problem, and can’t guard against specific theft targets, so they lock up sweeping amounts of things just so they can’t lose lawsuits from people like this. Why Gloria Allred thinks she has a case here is beyond me, unless this particular Walmart has been really stupid and only locked up the black people products.
Thanks, David. Merry Christmas to you and all your commenters. “Ping!”
Bless you, sir. May you one day own a colander that drains briskly and efficiently, unlike the piece of crap I’m using at the moment.
[ Rages against inefficient colander. ]
The thrills of the veterinarian life.
It’s racist to lock up the products that theft-inclined groups like to steal.
Ah, it’s ol’ Glo (smell of brimstone, tramping of cloven hooves) Allred. Biggest legal whore in Cali.
Adorable dogs are always welcome here.
How about my Santa and his wife’s Yorkshire Terrier? At the end of our “season” in the studio, Bailey got to come in and have her picture done with her human.
I am already planning next year’s “Santa season” and I think I will have a special day set aside for dog owners. I don’t know why they use the pharse “crazy Cat Lady” when Dog Moms are far, far more insane (and willing to spend a lot more money).
Mind you, the insanity is justified, as it involves dogs.
As I grew up with them, I have a soft spot for dogs, especially bigger dogs.
To clarify, once again – lest there be confusion – I wasn’t raised by them in the woods on the edge of town. We lived in a house. Like normal people.