Tidings
Or, He’s Put Tinsel On The Tip Jar.
Konkon’s Yawn, photographed by Tak.
As is the custom here, posting will be intermittent over the holidays and readers are advised to follow me on X, or subscribe to the blog feed at the very bottom of the page, either of which will alert you to anything new as and when it materialises.
Thanks for another 1.5 million or so visits this year and thousands of comments, many of which prompted discussions that are much more interesting than the actual posts. Which is pretty much the idea.
And particular thanks to all those who’ve made PayPal, Ko-Fi, or SubscribeStar donations to keep this rickety barge above water. It’s much appreciated. Should you be gripped by a seasonal urge to express encouragement via currency, by all means use the buttons below this post.
Just think of my little face lighting up.
Curious newcomers and those with nothing better to do are welcome to rummage through the Reheated series in search of entertainment. You may find things you’d missed. And this, needless to say, is an open thread.
To you and yours, a very good one.
And to you and yours, David. *Christmas ping*
Ho ho ho.
Just in time for the hoidays, dude explains the recent algo changes on X that help boost your posts’ rankings.
Bless you, sir, and bless you, madam. May you know the wicked pleasure of visiting a beloved sister-in-law and hearing her teenage daughter enquire about the forthcoming meal with the words, “Mom, are we having that chewy meat again?”
#TrueStory
🎅🎄🛷🦌🕯️🔔🎁❄️☃️
𝔖𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔬𝔫’𝔰 𝔊𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰
He he. Merry Christmas, Mr T.
*Ping*
Bless you, ladies. May you never be obliged to smile at a gift of unattractive novelty socks.
I should add that it happened more than a decade ago. I’m still not sure she’s seen the funny side of it.
Still rather tickled by the blissful innocence of the enquiry. It was entirely free of malice. More a sort of humanitarian concern.
How to return your keys.
There’s something in your stocking, barkeep. Merry Christmas everyone.
Last day at work so I’m in a good mood. Merry Christmas (and ping).
The meat with no name?
Bless you, sirs. May your inboxes be free of Substack notifications that you never, ever read.
P.S. Ping!
Bless you, sir. May your bookshelves not be in obvious need of dusting.
Well, quite. It was wonderfully non-specific. As if it were difficult to determine what kind of animal it had once been. It was just meat. With, it seems, excessively chewy properties.
I never solved the mystery.
Ah, good times.
Band name.
Best to all.
*stuffs a few quid in the tip jar*
Bless you, sir. May you live near a very good deli.
Merry Christmas to our gracious host and all the regulars.
*ping*
Bless you, madam. May your tired-looking oven gloves soon be upgraded.
Awww, so happy!
“Ping!”
Bless you, sir. May your sleek, electric nose-hair trimmer be free of gunk.
Yes, but are you this happy?
Boing.
I do need new oven gloves but they look a bit industrial.
They’re a bit like Big Hulk Hands, but they’re very good and, unlike oven gloves that are connected, you can use your arms independently, reach for things and whatnot. A great improvement on the scorched, rather sad-looking things that used to hang by our oven.
Ever wonder why there are none of these drone sightings over Tennessee?
Signage of note.
Incoming.
For those of you who really need a 17-minute in-depth analysis of the launch of Thunderbird 2.
Signage of note.
And I get roasted by my Murikan cousins for Canadian bacon being ham.
A good reason not to stop for breakfast in Albany.
Yes, but did you call the number?
Somewhat related.
There’s a difference between named meat and meat with a name.
But is it chewy?
Yes, but did you call the number?
I thought about it, but I don’t have cell talk coverage for the U.S.
Somewhat related.
Ooh, the human pepperoni is on sale. $500 dollars off per 300 grams. Looks like a bargain. Soylent Green is people!
There’s a difference between named meat and meat with a name.
So what your asking is: Are they made with real girl scouts?
Merry Xmas, and thanks for all the great reads during the year!
Ping. Merry Christmas!
There was a Portlandia episode about this.
So…I was at the zoo today. I tried to buy you a hippopotamus but when they told me that I couldn’t take it out of the zoo, I pitched a fit and they gave me my money back…so…ping instead. A hippopotamus would have been waaaaaay cooler but I suppose I saved some bank on the shipping charges. So in a sense, I’ll consider that your present to me. No need to bother this year.
Mutton?
“This is the woman’s mugshot.”
Corroboration.
There goes my search history. I liked how they ran a verification scan on me before letting me in.
I’m not going to be happy with the ads I’ll be getting. We’ll just see what to do about that.
You may rue the day.
Hey, what am I, chopped liver?
https://x.com/HazelAppleyard_/status/1869883232294187078
Can’t argue with the logic.
That thing that never happens.
As one commenter points out, “It’s amazing how you can stick five nouns together and tell a whole story.”
Food manufacturers in the US have “test kitchens” devoted to developing recipes using the “X” product … and then such ‘recipe’ ends up being part of an ad campaign. That doesn’t mean the result ends up on the American table.
But yeah, it does/did contribute to all manner of food desecration. 🙂
No, but it does end up here.
Bless you, sirs. May the quality of your Wi-Fi signal not be dramatically different depending on which side of the bed you happen to be occupying.
And thanks to all who’ve chipped in, or subscribed, or done shopping via the Amazon link, including all those much too shy to say hello. It’s much appreciated and is what keeps this place here.