From the realm of woke sophistication that is New York magazine:
What It’s Like to Isolate With Your Girlfriend and Her Other Boyfriend.
Or, put another way,
As the coronavirus forces millions of Americans to practice social distancing and stay in their homes, relationships are being put to the test… The situation is even more complicated when you’re staying inside not just with your partner, but with your partner’s partner as well.
To illustrate this terribly progressive lifestyle arrangement, we’re introduced to a Brooklynite comedian and podcaster named Billy, his girlfriend Megan, and his girlfriend Megan’s other boyfriend Kyle.
This is Billy’s first polyamorous relationship, and while he doesn’t know his metamour Kyle that well, he says he’s doing his best to respect his space.
Yes, metamour. Other descriptive choices are available.
Quizzed on the indoor celebrations of Meghan’s birthday, Billy says,
We didn’t get to do too much. We watched some TV shows, we smoked weed, I gave her some birthday sexual lovin’.
I’m assuming there’s some kind of rota system. Perhaps a pecking order.
I live in Brooklyn, and my girlfriend and metamour live in Jersey City. Megan and I have been dating about nine months, and she and her boyfriend have been dating for about two and a half years… They have a two-bedroom apartment here, so I have been staying in the guest room. For the last couple of nights Megan’s slept in bed with me. But then last night, she fell asleep with me, and I woke up alone. I guess at some point in the night she went to Kyle’s room and slept with him.
Needless to say, the situation requires a certain give-and-take:
Because I’m in their space, I’m in his space, and I don’t wanna be encroaching on that.
It’s an interesting way of putting it, all things considered.
So, if he’s like, “You need to open a window to smoke weed,” I’m like, okay, I will make sure to do that.
We learn that Megan and Kyle have “been going through some relationship difficulties themselves.” Yes, I thought that would shock you.
[Megan] manages who she spends her time with… I can take as much or as little as she gives, so I keep reminding her that if she wants to spend a couple of nights sleeping in bed with Kyle, that’s great. I’m very flexible.
No laughing at the back.
We’re then treated to – or rather, bored by – a list of complications that veer towards the neurotic at considerable speed:
I still get a little cautious about how handsy to be with Megan in front of Kyle, how kissy to be in front of him. There’s a small little urge in me that’s like, Oh, I want him to like me.
Because everyone dreams of an intimate relationship based on awkwardness and in which you have to continually hesitate, self-censor and fret about such things. However, our Brooklynite podcaster sees an upside to his exhaustingly self-conscious three-way entanglement:
There’s a part of me that’s relieved that Megan has another person here, because then I don’t have to be everything to her. I don’t have to give her all the attention that’s needed, I don’t have to give her all of the cuddles that are needed, because she has another partner.
Ooh. He’s a keeper.
Via Ace, who quips,
Basically, this guy is not just a sexual c**k, but a physical property c**k as well. He has to walk around on eggshells while staying at his girlfriend’s boyfriend’s place.
Ah, the stuff of love.
Previously in New York magazine, and very much related.
Oh, and we mustn’t forget this veritable feast of woke brain fever.
I’m very flexible.
Time will tell.
Time will tell.
At risk of sounding stuffy and old-hat, it doesn’t bode well.
I want to see a picture of Meghan. Although I’ll regret it.
Basically, this guy is not just a sexual c**k, but a physical property c**k as well.
See, this is why I dislike people unnecessarily self-censoring what is presumed to be an obvious slur. Is that supposed to be cuck, cock, or one of each in some order?
Say what you mean d*mmit.
Honestly, reading each of these relational horror stories I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, vomit or buy a shotgun.
Brooklynite podcaster
Of course.
I woke up alone.
….
I’m trying to imagine the psychological stresses involved. Judging by the article and his various tweets, Billy doesn’t particularly like Kyle and says they barely speak and are “not close” – they seem to have little in common, beyond the obvious – and I doubt that Billy’s interview, his airing of dirty laundry with readers of New York magazine, will help on that front. I mean, if “day four” of Kyle’s proximity is resulting in unhappy stories for complete strangers to read, I’m guessing Billy’s polyamorous project is doomed.
Again, I’m reminded of how people with psychological problems often search out situations that are all but guaranteed to exacerbate those issues.
Those intrigued by Billy’s “sex-positive” podcast can indulge themselves here.
Whether a thing can be both “sex-positive” and psychologically ruinous I leave to the reader.
and his various tweets
Says the mini-autobiography…
Naturellement. I may have inserted an unnecessary carriage return in there, for comedic – but accurate – effect.
I’m assuming there’s some kind of rota system. Perhaps a pecking order.
There is at least one capon in that farmyard.
Perhaps a peckering order.
Fixed that for you.
We watched some TV shows, we smoked weed
In other words, the same thing they do when there isn’t a mass hysteria quarantine in place.
“I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, vomit or buy a shotgun.”
Buying the shotgun is always a good choice in these matters….
@Xas7wcrg9e, I agree, the self censoring is unfortunate. He’s explained before that he believes that advertisers punish him for putting “cuck” in a post, so he puts in the asterisks. It’s definitely “cuck,” though.
Not exactly Paint Your Wagon
No laughing at the back.
Terribly sorry, teacher. I just couldn’t help myself!
We watched some TV shows, we smoked weed.
From whence cometh this marvel of agriculture? Is this an Amazon Prime service, or an Uber Eats kind of thing?
(Asking for a friend.)
Amazing. These twisted hipsters have done the impossible – make sex unsexy.
And I can only imagine how lovely they must be in person.
Not exactly Paint Your Wagon
[ Slides ‘2% off’ drinks voucher along bar to Darleen. ]
If they are truly ‘woke’ it will end up with Billy and Kyle getting together and Megan on the couch.
[ Slides ‘2% off’ drinks voucher along bar to Darleen. ]
Whoa. Steady on, barkeep. 🙂
Whoa. Steady on, barkeep. 🙂
As I think we’ve discussed before, and to avoid any confusion and subsequent umbrage, it doesn’t mean that you get a fractionally cheaper beverage. Just a slightly smaller one, for the same price.
Hey, I have overheads.
Just a slightly smaller one, for the same price
[slips voucher into plastic zip-lock bag, applies hand sanitizer]
I’ll remember to use this at closing time when I’m designated driver.
If Darleen starts selling squirts of hand sanitiser, the house takes 20%.
Instalanche!
https://pjmedia.com/instapundit/361930/
Billy just needs to exert some dominance.
It’s Bill, not billy
I want some anal. Megan? No? Ok Kyle your up. Get that sweet ass over here.
Instalanche!
I do hope there’s enough toilet paper.
Hmm…
I’d say that was fighting talk, but we all know it can’t be.
Historians will look upon this period of Western Civilization as the Great Boredom. And no, I don’t mean this minor virus blip but a good chunk of the 20th the entirety of the 21st century. Nearly all political and cultural phenomena are a result not of wanting to achieve something but out of sheer ennui.
Amazing. These twisted hipsters have done the impossible – make sex unsexy.
Agreed. There’s more sexual tension in a nursing home.
I gave her some birthday sexual lovin’.
You can just feel the raging testosterone and passion, can’t you?
have done the impossible – make sex unsexy.
Clearly you haven’t met my ex-wife.
There’s a part of me that’s relieved that Megan has another person here, because then I don’t have to be everything to her.
This guy doesn’t seem to be an exact fit for ‘cuck’; he’s clearly not desperate for this woman’s time and attention. It seems that, rather than being in this relationship because it’s all he can get, he’s there because it is all he can be bothered with.
Actually dealing with her on an adult level is far too much effort, so he’s happy with 2 nights a week and then palming her off on Kyle.
I’m not saying this is any less fucked up BTW.
Nearly all political and cultural phenomena are a result not of wanting to achieve something but out of sheer ennui.
Several generations of my forebears worked awfully hard to provide me with a life where my biggest worry is boredom. I’m not about to castigate them for their efforts, even if it has led to “influencer” becoming a thing.
If anyone has trouble with comments not appearing, email me (top left) and I’ll rummage around in the spam filter.
I’m not castigating those who came before Gov, as it’s up to us to stand on their shoulders and build something greater. Instead we’re all going to find out what happens when a majority of people in a society act like listless 19th century minor royalty.
Brooklyn remains ground zero for every neurotic, socially retarded, hive-minded, faux sophisticate on the planet.
Sorry.
I had to either laugh or rupture myself.
Didn’t the last hipster life-advice podcasters from Brooklyn to gain prominence do so by offing themselves with helium filled bags over their heads?
Brooklyn remains ground zero for every neurotic, socially retarded, hive-minded, faux sophisticate on the planet.
I’ve been encountering hipster fantasies that one must be associated with Brooklyn.
Based on previous reports of quite contrasting stable and adult, my reaction keeps being something of A hipster citing Brooklyn? That’s odd, you don’t seem to be ultra orthodox Jewish . . . .
I hung out at the periphery of the polyamorous in Los Angeles in the early 90’s. Nobody had what you could call a professional job. Most were trios that involved one zaftig woman, a fat man, and a skinny soft man. If there were children involved (usually from the woman’s previous too-young marriage), they were messed up. Their lives were totally chaotic — did bad things keep happening to them, or did they keep bringing it on with poor choices, I’ll leave to the reader. They were all unhealthy from either eating junk food or eating what birds eat. Nobody exercised. No one was ever on time. A fabulous lifestyle.
OK, now they are indefinitely cooped up, perhaps we should organise a sweep on who will kill whom, and when.
I live in Italy: ask me how I know what will happen.
Nobody had what you could call a professional job. Most were trios that involved one zaftig woman, a fat man, and a skinny soft man. If there were children involved (usually from the woman’s previous too-young marriage), they were messed up.
As Tim Newman and others have illustrated repeatedly, polyamorists often feign an air of radicalism and sophistication, and rely on rather implausible self-flattery, as if their questionable arrangements – especially when children are involved – weren’t largely a result of failing to comprehend psychological practicalities and some fairly obvious aspects of human nature.
The overlap of ‘polyamorist’ and ‘person with mental health problems’ has been noted here before, more than once. Again, it’s worth bearing in mind that mentally unwell people may often search out situations that compound their neuroses. And polyamorous relationships, which tend to entail a much higher risk of feelings of anxiety, jealousy and abandonment, don’t strike me as ideal for someone whose mental health is already a bit touch-and-go.
Right, this week’s ephemera has been compiled and should materialise just after midnight. I’ll see you heathens in the morning.
I’m very flexible.
I bet Megs is too
If they are truly ‘woke’ it will end up with Billy and Kyle getting together and Megan on the couch.
Yes it sounds absolutely inevitable, pretty soon they are going to end up with a mixed metamour
That woman will have a fanny like a bulldog eating porridge.
Dirty bitch.
Mr. Fart seems to have stunned the patrons into silence.
Not exactly Paint Your Wagon
Two Mules For Sister Sara, perhaps?
When Megan’s done with them, I mean.
I dearly wish I could experience some measure of discombobulation about this. But I can’t. I tried – hall-heartedly – for a few seconds, but I can’t work myself up enough to express any kind of emotion whatsoever over this subject. Or even make a wry comment about it in this lovely place.
…we’re introduced to a Brooklynite comedian…
If I might ask for a point of clarification — does Billy call himself a comedian because he writes funny jokes and stands up in front of people to tell them those jokes, or is it more of a salve for his ego because so many people laugh at him?
If the former, does he write traditional set-up/punchline jokes, or is it more observational humo(u)r, or does he just describe his lifestyle to strangers and let them react as they will?
I wonder if Megan nudges the subject towards threesomes and storms off in a huff when the guys fail to take the bait.
Then the chaps look at each other “Shall I go after her or will you?”
Also “[Megan] manages who she spends her time with”. Another euphemism. What they mean is that Megan chooses who she wants when she wants him, while the chaps sit around awkwardly, waiting for her ladyship to show favour.
It wouldn’t work, would it? The whole thing is probably made up. I know there are plays and novels written about people in these psychologically masochistic relationships, but do people actually last very long in them?
That woman will have a fanny like a bulldog eating porridge.
It took me a split second to remember that a Brit fanny and a Yank fanny are not the same thing. The first image was somewhat more humerous. Somewhat.
tkd: never pat a woman’s fanny in England.