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Ephemera

Friday Ephemera (771)

June 13, 2025 214 Comments

Don’t forget to mow the lawn, she said. || Today’s word is inadvisable. || Niche meme for sci-fi/farming enthusiasts. || Art thou not enriched? || The thrill of living in the Barbican, 1972. || Make-believe at the BBC. Or just misreporting. || Transporter malfunction. || Our artistic betters opine. || Today’s other word is payback. || Posture optimised toilet. || Not impossible. || Typing with light. || Glycerine and detergent. || “We all lost our minds,” says she. || It would, I think, be a start and result in less friction. || Try skateboarding, they said. || Skatepark for the blind. It’s also wheelchair-accessible. || Better than anticipated, all things considered. || The thrill of London buses, 1973. || Your empathetic betters. || Remaining optimistic, he sent back reports by homing pigeon. || Alexa, pause.

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Written by: David
Anthropology Books Free-For-All

I Question The Causality

June 11, 2025 120 Comments

Lifted from the comments, a teacher tells us things:

Oh, honey. No. https://t.co/cPpIjk02Rv

— Overeducated Gibbon (@MostlyMonkey) June 11, 2025

A thread ensues, from which: 

Is it enough to just own the books? Researchers aren’t yet sure. 

Consider this an open thread. Share ye links and bicker.

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Written by: David
Reheated

Reheated (107)

June 9, 2025 113 Comments

From the archives – and from the golden age of the Guardian – some examples of improbable agonising.

The Cupcake Menace.

Women, we’re told, are being mentally injured by small baked goods.

After telling us at length just how terrible and mind-warping these tiny fancies are, at least among women, Mr Seaton adds, “I don’t want to ban cupcakes.” And yet he feels it necessary to say this, as if banning miniature sponges would be an obvious thing to consider, the kind of thing one does. And after banning them in his own office.

A commenter asks, “What is it with people’s inability to ignore the things they don’t like?” Meaning things you don’t like and which have no bearing whatsoever on your everyday life or the turning of the world. Say, “our” alleged “obsession” with cupcakes and their supposedly debilitating effects on helpless, hapless womenfolk. Women being so mentally insubstantial that even a tiny cake can unhinge their minds, apparently.

But fretting ostentatiously about things of no importance has long been a standard template for Guardian articles, especially if you can shoehorn in some sophomoric theorising. It’s something most papers do to some extent, due to the obligation to Fill Space Somehow, but the Guardian is by far the greatest exponent and the most grandiose. Many of its contributors have mastered inadvertent surrealism.

As commenter sk60 quipped in reply,

I love it when Guardianistas talk about “our obsession” with something that no-one I know is obsessed with.

Two Balls Bad, No Balls Good.

On being oppressed by suburban barbecues, where, it turns out, the Patriarchy reigns and women are crushed underfoot.

Mr Power is upset that some heinous “biological determinism” holds sway in the warm-weather custom of cooking outdoors. A phenomenon that, we learn, “sees women as salad-spinners and men as the keepers of the grill, the tenders of the flame, lords and masters of the meat.” “It’s a sausage-fest out there,” says Mr Power. “And it’s getting ugly.” Because there’s nothing uglier than the sight of menfolk indulging, often knowingly, in a clichéd male behaviour – cooking for friends and family and making sure that everyone is having a good time.

I’ve been to a few barbecues over the years, one or two with female grill-keepers, though most with males wielding the Plastic Spatula of Oppression™. I can’t say I was ever aware of much argument as to roles. It generally seems to depend on who’s in the mood or who’s the better cook, at least of the items in question, or – perhaps more commonly – who’s prepared to spend the day on duty, sweating, while smelling of grease and smoke.

I’ve yet to hear of womenfolk being locked indoors, away from the charcoal and firelighters, by surly, hissing men. And at the barbecue I attended recently, the matriarch of the house had a much more important job than merely cooking sausages. My sister-in-law kept the day lubricated with endless, quite colossal, pitchers of Pimms. Priorities, you see.

It doesn’t seem to have occurred to Mr Power that quite a few people, male and female, actually enjoy the role-play opportunity of the barbecue – the theatre, the ritual, the fun. Even – heresy! – gendered fun. But hey, the point is that some of you heathens are still arranging your leisure time and social gatherings in a way of which our Guardianista disapproves. Your barbecues aren’t being gender balanced in the way he would like.

Also, the assertion by our learned journalist:

Several thousand years have passed since men had to kill our protein, make a fire, cook it and eat it.

Her Unspeakable Woes.

Guardian writer is psychologically crushed by spellcheck software, disposable paper cups.

You see, Ms Icess Fernandez Rojas has endured this poignant political struggle before – “a lifetime of having my name misspelled and mispronounced.” Which is why you, the public, must be told. What with your dull and obvious names, like Jessica and Angela.

“Angela could get coffee at Starbucks with ease,” says Ms Rojas, “while Icess was still spelling her name out.” Oh, this new realm of suffering: “Jessica was a staple at my local Chinese place even though Icess paid. And even Microsoft Word recognised Jenny as a proper pronoun, a proper person, over me; the red squiggle line was a constant reminder.”

Spellcheck too? Will this oppression never end? And doubtless Ms Rojas is intimately familiar with the spelling and pronunciation of every name of every employee at her local Chinese restaurant.

Prompted by Ted S in the comments. Which you’re reading, of course.

For those craving more, this is a pretty good place to start.

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Reading time: 4 min
Written by: David
Ephemera

Friday Ephemera (770)

June 6, 2025 169 Comments

Hold on tight. || Wok tossing scenes. || Random-ass cheese umbrage. || Birthday cake of note. || Behold, a greeting from a ladies’ bathroom. || Himalayan rhubarb. || Boo. || “The problem is most people don’t have a vacuum chamber.” Or, how to fill a Klein Bottle. || The progressive dining experience, parts 38 and 39. || One could never grow weary of his self-expression. || Washing the wookiee. || You will enthuse as instructed. || I’ll let you show me how it’s done. || Maureen, there’s someone at the door. || Smugly misinformed bint wants to decolonise your language. || Attention, ladies, I bring good news. || The Ogmios School of Zen Motoring, episode 9. Previously. || When the cyberbully is your mother. || Cat deflector. || He dented the fuck out of his truck. || Oh, and clean-up on aisle four.

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Written by: David
Feminist Witchcraft Free-For-All Pronouns Or Else

Incompatible Pretending

June 3, 2025 134 Comments

Mr Muldoon steers us to a tale of colliding make-believe:

Witch ‘thrown off druid training course’ in trans row.

A very modern headline, I think you’ll agree.

A practising witch claims she was thrown off a druid training course over accusations by a member of the UK Pagan Federation that she was “transphobic” in a row about women’s rights.

They have training courses, you know, and websites, and a federation. We’re all learning things today.

Angela Howard said she became involved with paganism and joined the British Druid Order (BDO) in 2020 to find “spiritual healing” after being sexually assaulted. In 2023, she was “knighted” as a “warrior princess” at Stonehenge and began training as a student “Bard” – a division of modern druidry – defined as storytellers, poets, musicians, historians, artists and performers.

Ms Howard, it turns out, is a “second-generation witch,” following in the mystical footsteps of her mother, “a high priestess” who “ran a coven in the 1980s.”

However, Howard said the solace she sought in druidry and paganism was shattered when she was banned in April from continuing her training because of her support of the exclusion of trans women – males who identify as female – from single-sex spaces for women.

A very modern heresy. Resulting in a revoking of membership and denial of access to witchcraft course materials.

The dispute began, she said, three days after the landmark Supreme Court judgment that ruled the definition of a woman under equality laws related to biological sex, rather than “certificated gender” acquired by trans people.

The Pagan Federation, however, issued a statement insisting that the womanliness of cross-dressing men is obvious, unassailable and “not up for debate”:

Trans women are women, trans men are men, and all non-binary genders are valid.

Validity for everyone. Just tilt your head and squint. Apparently, we’re to be told what reality is by people who think they’re witches.

Howard said she responded to this statement by commenting that there were situations in which women needed single-sex spaces, such as changing rooms, women’s refuges and prisons. She illustrated the point by citing her own experience of being sexually assaulted by a trans person, a man who identified as a woman.

Ah, that Thing That Never Happens.

Howard claimed that her comments were deleted and said that she was blocked from viewing the contents of the Facebook page, which you have to be a member to access.

As these are terribly modern, immensely caring witches, Ms Howard was banned from the organisation’s Facebook page and from the website of the British Druid Order on grounds of being “unequivocally transphobic.” Thereby denying Ms Howard access to the arcane knowledge of “seers and healers,” along with the opportunity to purchase oracle cards, audio recordings of spells and invocations, and “hymns to the divine feminine.” Oh, and guides to coping with stress by wrapping a thick blanket around your head.

No more “walking between worlds,” alas.

At which point, readers may wish to ponder the implied rules of pretending, the hierarchy of make-believe, in which some people pretending to be something that they aren’t are deemed of much greater importance than other people pretending to be something that they aren’t. A world in which pretending one thing now seems to mean that all pretences, of any kind, must be observed.

Further rumblings on the matter, and photographs of uncanny goings-on, can be found here.

By all means consider this an open thread.

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Written by: David
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In which we marvel at the mental contortions of our self-imagined betters.