His Nuptials Were Impending
Posting will be, at best, intermittent for the next week or so, for which I apologise in advance. I can imagine the terrible, crushing impact this will have on your lives. However, I do have a half-decent excuse, in that, said interruption to normal service is on account of my getting hitched next week. To The Other Half, I mean. A civil partnership, with jewellery and ties and such. There are, therefore, things to be organised. And after 27 bloody years, I think I can consider myself sufficiently wooed.
Now that you’re all moved and tearful and engorged with bonhomie, I’m going to slyly remind patrons that this rickety barge, on whose seating your arses rest, is kept afloat by the kindness of strangers. If you’d like to help it remain buoyant a while longer, and remain ad-free, there’s an orange button below with which to monetise any love. Debit and credit cards are accepted. For those wishing to express their love regularly, there’s a monthly subscription option top left. And if one-click haste is called for, my PalPay.Me page can be found here. Additionally, any Amazon UK shopping done via this link or the search widget top right, or for Amazon US via this link, results in a small fee for your host at no extra cost to you.
Contributions towards covering the impending post-wedding bar tab, the likely proportions of which are now dawning on me, are of course welcome.
For newcomers wishing to know more about what’s been going on here for the last twelve years, in over 2,600 posts and over 100,000 comments, the reheated series is a pretty good place to start – in particular, the end-of-year summaries. If you like what you find there… well, there’s lots more of that.
If you can, do take a moment to poke through the discussion threads too. The posts are intended as starting points, not full stops, and the comments are where much of the good stuff is waiting to be found. And do please join in.
As always, thanks for the support, the comments, and the company. Also, open thread. 
Incidentally, some of you may be relieved to hear that I’ve changed my phone’s PayPal notification sound back to ping.
Congratulations. 🙂
Also ping!
Also ping!
Bless you, madam. May lint never gather in your nooks and crevices.
And after 27 bloody years, I think I can consider myself sufficiently wooed.
LOL. Congratulations to you both.
Congratulations!
Congratulations !
It’ll be the happiest day of his life.
What?
Today’s word is, er…
Congratulations and I wish you luck and happiness in the years ahead.
Thanks.
[ Phone pings. ]
And bless you, sir. May your grapes never wither before you remember to eat them.
Mazel tov!
*ping*
*ping*
Bless you, madam. May you be spared encounters with wasps.
All the best – I can’t sound the church bells for you, but a small cha-ching! is on its way.
{ – and if you would wish me to be spared encounters with wasps, a month-ago would’ve been nice; I apologize for not pinging you then 😉
a small cha-ching! is on its way
Bless you, sir. May you know the joy of finding a very long, thin spoon that will reach into the nooks of tall but nearly empty condiment jars.
Well that’s quite wonderful. Congratulations to you both!
Shoe-related difficulties of note.
A lot can happen in fifteen seconds.
Via Holborn.
Congratulations to you both. Have a glass or two on me. 🙂
All the best to both of you!
*ping*
Have a glass or two on me.
*ping*
Bless you, sir, and madam. Should you feel inspired to grind fresh morning coffee for your other half, may you never be met with complaints about how loud the grinder was and how it woke them up.
may you never be met with complaints about how loud the grinder was and how it woke them up…
Ah yes, you’re new to this ‘nuptials’ thing, aren’t you? (I keep forgetting…) In the real nuptial world, such complaints will invariably result in said coffee grinder being upended-and-emptied (or smashed with considerable force) over the complaining other-half’s head.
Be warned. And yes, be afraid – be very afraid…
Congrats, good sir!
Might you have a Post Office Box or other physical mailing address?
I don’t like the internet for money exchange.
Thanks,
Mike
Might you have a Post Office Box or other physical mailing address?
Alas, no. Not that I’d be willing to share. Though PayPal is, I think, painless.
Congratulations! 🥂👨❤️👨
getting hitched next week
Ah, doing the MGTOW thing, huh? I mean, in the strict technical sense.
Congrats of course, and may your DJ’s supply of K-pop never be exhausted.
Congratulations!
*Amazon shopping intensifies*
Australian scenes.
*Amazon shopping intensifies*
Don’t forget to write a list. You wouldn’t want to forget anything really expensive.
Underwear-related gag of note.
Via Dicentra.
Congratulations Dave! Many happy returns to the happy couple.
Congratulations & felicitations.
Ping!
The man who was a dwarf and then later a giant.
Right. Heading out for an early dinner with the father-in-law. Play nicely. Use coasters.
Ah yes….marital bliss..!
Having done so 30 yrs prior, I Fully recall that occasion.(untill the reception when her dads Wickedly good home made Italian wine made its presence known.!)
Enjoy..!!
& Congrats Davd.
I’ve changed my phone’s PayPal notification sound back to ping.
“One ping only.”
Warmest congratulations, and hurrah!
Warmest congratulations, and hurrah!
“Re-verify our congratulations, Vasily. One cheer only.
Anarchy detected.
My factoti, Connie and Bonnie, became uncharacteristically weepy at the notion of nuptials and insisted on kicking in something that should be good for some fine Tesco Vino Collapso. The guests will never know after three glasses if you cut it with some anti-freeze in the Russian tradition. I, OTOH, being a cynical SOB, am compelled, strictly in your best interest, mind you, to point out that after 27 years of something that evidently ain’t broke, beware of clerics and/or lawyers (or is it solicitors and barristers) trying to fix it…
after 27 years of something that evidently ain’t broke,
Heh. That’s one way to think of it. And bless you and your ravishing factoti. May you never find that your upmarket washing-up liquid, which stands in a transparent container near the kitchen window, has, on account of exposure to sunlight, changed from an aesthetic blue to something remarkably close to the colour of urine. Thereby inviting questions as why you have what appears to be a container of urine on display in the kitchen.
Mazel Tov David. Have one (or two) on me. Ka-ching!!!
Have one (or two) on me.
Bless you, madam. May you never be five seconds into washing your hair before realising you’ve left your bloody glasses on.
Congratulations! And I wish you two all the happiness, in spite of your ongoing success in luring me into your dark, windowless
vanblog with promises of wonders, only to be treated with stories inducing a need for mind bleach and/or eye-gouging. 😀Also, ping. More of a subdued one, I’m afraid. 🙁 I hope it will at least cover a decent single-malt at your favourite watering-hole.
Also, ping.
Bless you, sir. May you be spared the horror of unlaundered, faintly clammy sheets.
It’s a suitcase, it’s a Pilates station.
My factoti, Connie and Bonnie
Are they related to John Derbyshire’s factoti Mandy and Candy and Brandy?
It’s a suitcase, it’s a Pilates station.
*How* much?!
Oh forgot – congratulations too! Pinged. 🙂
Hooked at last, eh? Congrats, David.
*kerching*
Pinged.
*kerching*
Bless you both. May your bathroom shelves be spontaneously self-organising, such that deodorants and nail clippers are effortlessly accessible, not buried under bewildering piles of rammle and a residue of talc dust.
Salmon cannon.
Somewhat related.
Via Dicentra.
I think I can consider myself sufficiently wooed.
Heh. One doesn’t want to rush into things.
Congrats and best wishes to you both!
One doesn’t want to rush into things.
After putting up a valiant struggle, I’ve finally been tamed. If not quite made respectable.
A (slightly parsimonious) ping and congratulations from me too.
Though clearly platforms reflecting my political views should be subsidised from the public purse, irrespective of whether the lumpen proletariat share those views or not. Asking people without obligation to contribute at the point of use for the things they enjoy is horribly bourgeois, and erasing to bodies of color to boot, I shouldn’t wonder.
I confess to being a little surprised at this announcement, but only because I assumed you and The Other Half were already wedded. Still, congratulations, and may you both have as much happiness together in the years ahead, as you have had over the previous 27. Cheers!
Asking people without obligation to contribute at the point of use for the things they enjoy is horribly bourgeois,
Heh. I’m still a little astonished that it keeps this rickety barge above water. It also tempers my default cynicism about human nature. And bless you, sir. May you never be obliged to make do with an inferior brand of kitchen towel, the absorbency of which is questionable at best.
– or the stuff whose absorbency is unquestioned, but there’s one more square on the roll for a three-square job, and none more on the premises.
Are they related to John Derbyshire’s factoti Mandy and Candy and Brandy?
As Connie and Bonnie aren’t even related (barring some strange long lost progenitors neither knows about), I rather doubt it, besides we at the Muldoon Institute and Plantations are all about the multiculturalisms. They may have all gone to the same factotum academy, however. I am led to believe that there are only a couple of these and they are very exclusive, one in the Andes and one in the Himalayas, IIRC. Maybe another in Switzerland.
but there’s one more square on the roll for a three-square job
Kitchen towel anxiety is real.
Right, it’s been a long day. Time to be horizontal while I catch up on The Expanse, which I’m finally getting around to watching.
Thanks to all who’ve chipped in so far, including all those much too shy to say hello, or who’ve subscribed, or done shopping via the Amazon links. It’s what keeps this place here and is much appreciated.
Hitched next week? Well, fine lot of lead time you give a gal to embroider finger towels for your guest bathroom!
Hurrumph.
Congratulations, David. Best wishes for another 27 years with lucky Other Half. And when I get home this evening, expect a nice ker-ching to go towards the festivities …
when I get home this evening, expect a nice ker-ching to go towards the festivities…
Bless you, madam. May any stickers that you have to remove from newly purchased items come away effortlessly, in one piece, and then fall precisely from your fingers into the awaiting bin. As opposed to what usually happens.
[ Writes down embroidered finger towels. ]
‘Night, all.
A civil partnership…
Finally, a little civility! One hopes that the enclosed will be put to good use buying something nice for the honeymoon, as opposed to just piling on some more swill for the wedding guests.
…horror of unlaundered…sheets…
About the time mine get to the perfect stage of softness, it’s time to change them.
I have sheets inherited from my grandmother that are so old they were made in the U.S. by the Dan River Company. They’re ugly but soft and durable so we keep them since yiu can’t see them in the dark.
David, you young scamp, whyare you rushing into marriage after 27 years?
Congratulations.
Congrats and uh, felicitations…or whatever the fancy Frenchies say. If I had more lead time I could have boxed you up a little something. Guess you two will just have to make do with another ping. So, ummm…ping.
Anarchy detected.
Anarchy with a touch of OCD. It’s the times in which we live.
[home from work, grandsons shuttled, cats fed, plants watered … so…]
ker-ching
ummm…ping.
put to good use buying something nice for the honeymoon
ker-ching
Heh. Bless you, good sirs, and madam. Should you have a bad cold and arrive at a pharmacy, intent on buying Day Nurse and Night Nurse, may you never be told that you can’t actually buy them because the pharmacist is out for lunch and no-one else in the pharmacy – a large, high street branch with at least six visible employees – is allowed to sell cold medicines to people with colds.
Congratulations to you both!
Thanks, Ms M.
Thievery thwarted.
Hope you have a great day!
Pinged!
Suffolk scenes.
Via Julia.
Pinged!
Bless you, sir. May all roads in the neighbourhood be resurfaced promptly and with minimal inconvenience.
why are you rushing into marriage after 27 years?
It’s what happens when you attend a niece’s wedding, a big production number with a country house, serving staff and string quartets, and then during the subsequent revelries, the womenfolk of the family – who are by now quite drunk and emotional, and high on the day’s drama – are determined to find someone else they can marry off.
And when the womenfolk set their minds to these things, there’s no point arguing.
the womenfolk of the family – who are by now quite drunk and emotional, and high on the day’s drama – are determined to find someone else they can marry off.
LOL. It’s true. I’ve seen it happen. 😀
It’s true. I’ve seen it happen
They work as one mind. It’s extraordinary. And terrifying.
This should cause some intersectional problematicity for the fat acceptance wypipo. You might want to alert your caterers for the upcoming festivities to place trigger warnings on the canapes.
OTOH, Stalin gets four stars for his clearly non-colonial Holomodor.
Congratulations, David.
Have a round on me.
Have a round on me.
Bless you, sir. May you remember to change any plug-in air fresheners on the exact day that they expire.
Should you have a bad cold and arrive at a pharmacy, intent on buying Day Nurse and Night Nurse, may you never be told that you can’t actually buy them because the pharmacist is out for lunch and no-one else in the pharmacy – a large, high street branch with at least six visible employees – is allowed to sell cold medicines to people with colds.
Heh…Something I’ve learned when choosing a checkout lane at the hardware store that others may find helpful. Before choosing self-service checkout vs. cashier-assisted checkout, first peruse items in hand, cart, or basket and ask yourself the following questions:
1) Can any of these things be swallowed in their natural state for mind-altering effect?
2) Can any of these things be huffed in concentration for mind-altering effect?
3) Can any of these things be burned, melted, or boiled in any way where the fumes from such can be huffed for mind-altering effect?
Only when the answers to all three of these questions is “no” should one proceed to self-checkout. A “yes” to any one of them and cashier-assisted is your best option.
Damn. It feels so good to give back once in a while.
They work as one mind. It’s extraordinary. And terrifying.
And in Departments of Women’s Studies they work as one no-mind, which is even more terrifying.
Farnsworth: Thank heavens I read the text, because the headline asked (to my early morning semi-caffienated mind) if eating a settler was a colonial act.
To those who point out that the sentence wasn’t grammatical, I was taught that correct grammar is a racist act that kills students.
Wishing our host and his other half a great day. A contribution to the bar tab has been made.
A contribution to the bar tab has been made.
Bless you, sir. May you never find yourself using a toilet in which there are allegedly amusing booklets to read.
Freethinker.
She does this better than you do.
because the headline asked…if eating a settler was a colonial act.
An interesting question. I have it on good authority that the real reason Captain Cook met his fate during his return to the Sandwich Islands was that his name is phonetically very similar to the Polynesian verb for “cook”, and pointing to himself as a way of reintroduction and saying Cook, they took him up on his offer.
The whole thing that he was trying to kidnap King Kalaniopuu as hostage to get back some of his crew was a cover story to save the Admiralty some embarrassment.
Freethinker.
Relaxercise.
Congratulations!
Warm wishes, David, much happiness, the both of you, all of that, you know.
all of that, you know.
A manly handshake seems in order.
“I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may exchange manly handshakes.”
[Next day]. “Dear Aunt Pogonip, Thank you for the left-handed bagel slicer. It’ll come in handy since Half and the hamster 🐹 both like left-handed bagels. Love, Half & David.”
[puts down pen, yells across room]. “Hey, here’s ANOTHER piece-of-junk-nobody-in-his-right-mind-would-want that you can take to the store and exchange!”
Well, enjoy the big day and pray for lots of gift cards.
because the headline asked…if eating a settler was a colonial act.
Cannibal, tasting dinner, says to second cannibal: “Doctor Livingston, I presume?”
“Dr. Presume? Dr. Livingstone I. Presume?”
Congrats.
A link for Amazon.ca please, I buy a lot from them and would be pleased to help.
We Yanks really should have a nifty-spiff Amazon button, I feel so steerage class with simply a line of text. The good news is that I hit the button half the time I indulge my way-too-frequent Amazon habit (and Instapundit gets the other 50%).
Just a small ‘ping’ a couple of days ago. Lazy holiday means the pool and snoozing in the shade win out.
But, my very best wishes to you both. May all your arguments be small ones!
Doing a honeymoon trip?
*delurks*
Congratulations. Ping.
*lurks*
A link for Amazon.ca please,
Sadly, there’s no way to consolidate multiple accounts, so it’s not very practical. I actually set up an Amazon.ca affiliate account a while ago and found that it had almost immediately been shut down for some unexplained infraction, which I still don’t understand.
May all your arguments be small ones!
The last argument I can recall concerned whether it’s better to butter toast while it’s hot, or to wait until it’s cooled, thereby resulting in unmelted, slightly sweeter butter. The correct answer should of course be obvious.
Doing a honeymoon trip?
After 27 years? I’d rather have a new sofa.
Congratulations. Ping.
Bless you. May your parking opportunities be numerous and uncannily convenient.
Again, thanks to all who’ve chipped in so far, including all those much too shy to say hello, or who’ve subscribed, or done shopping via the Amazon links. It’s what keeps this place here and is much appreciated.