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Ephemera

Friday Ephemera (769)

May 23, 2025 173 Comments

Hippo expresses displeasure. || For the hungry among you. || So how was your day? || It was, alas, a very long drive. || Logo outrage. || An athletic use of the buttocks. || Obstruction of note. || Today’s word is ambitious. || FBI artefacts. || “It seems like here in Portland there is this super-big need for spiritual care.” || Meet the Bin Men, 1976. || Artful bouncing. || The thrill of martial arts. || She feels that a lot of assumptions are being made about her. || Choices were made. || You may gasp when ready. || We have ignition. || Wanted woman. || What the hell are people doing? A planet-wide statistical extrapolation. || Towing is hard. || A noteworthy indifference. || Incoming. || Niche skills. || New speech rules update issued. || Luminous. || A little steep, I grant you, but on the upside it is organic.

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Reheated

Reheated (106)

May 22, 2025 49 Comments

For newcomers, some items from the archives:

For Buoyancy, Perhaps.

An encounter with the incongruous.

You see, when you’re about to get undressed in a women’s changing room and you realise you’re being watched by a balding pervert in an overtly sexual micro-thong, and with fake rubber knockers attached to his person, this is just part and parcel of being sensitive and inclusive. Apparently, we must learn to embrace modernity and its many sophistications. Especially the ladies.

Don’t Look Directly At It.

The Progressive Retail Experience. And the contortions it requires.

During the lengthy interview quoted above, Walgreens CEO Tim Wentworth hints at the development of “creative” solutions for customers demoralised by unimpeded thieving and the subsequent lockdown status of many stores. Paying customers, a seemingly shrinking demographic, will, we’re assured, be offered a “better… in-store experience” via “new scheduling optimisation logic” and “leveraging our omnichannel capabilities.”

Oddly, Mr Wentworth, whose business is planning to close another 450 stores during the coming year, avoids any use of the words shoplifting, looting, or theft.

It has to be said, the prospect of shopping for shampoo in a store where pretty much everything, including shampoo, is under lock and key and requires elaborate and protracted negotiation in order to actually buy it, and in which looters might at any time appear and start smashing up the place, with little opposition, does not entice. But hey, maybe that’s just me.

Steal From Them, Not Me.

A stolen phone, a worldview in snapshot form.

You see, they’re only supposed to steal from “rich scum.” Not nice people. Say, nice progressive women who are, like, totally cool with the robbing of others.

I Know, Let’s All Film Our Mental Breakdowns.

An election occurs. Cue meltdowns and moon-howling.

Among those traumatised was the Guardian contributor Francine Prose, whose mental health took a catastrophic turn, complete with hair loss and sudden-onset eye-twitching. Symptoms that were accompanied by agitated ramblings about Hitler, Stalin, dictatorship, people thrown from helicopters, and “the imprisonment and execution of those who disagree.”

Of course, Ms Prose was far from alone in her weird theatre of distress, and social media was ablaze with performative convulsion. Among the titans of the fabulist resistance was a tightly wound progressive chap, who envisioned internment camps for those like himself, i.e., tightly wound progressives, with the streets being patrolled by some Trumpian Sturmabteilung.

Oh, and let’s not forget the Ohio high-school teacher Danielle Mann, whose post-election demands, issued from her classroom, included a list of the addresses of likeminded progressives, all of them, everywhere, and the mandatory wearing of identifying bracelets. So that she would know how everyone else voted.

Display Purposes.

Progressive parenting, with bonus crack and badger.

Come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure what loving one’s body might mean, beyond the obvious off-colour jokes. But apparently, it’s something that one is supposed to proclaim as an accomplishment, a credential of progressivism. I have, however, noted that it tends to be announced by people whose declared triumph in this matter is not altogether convincing, and whose basis for doing so is generally much slimmer than they are.

It must be quite strange to go through life feeling a need to boast in print of some pointed behaviour – specifically, “showing my sons what a real woman’s body… looks like” – as if this feat of not wearing knickers were somehow radical, empowering, and a basis for applause. And to then have to justify this lifestyle affectation in ways that are somewhat contradictory and not particularly convincing. As if no-one would notice. It seems a lot of effort.

For those craving more, this is a pretty good place to start.

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Academia Free-For-All Tree Licking

Peer-Reviewed, You Say

May 20, 2025 117 Comments

And in whatever-the-hell-this-is news:

[The authors] argue that imagining the Earth as a butch dyke lover enables a radically embodied and joyous mode of environmentalist politics…

Because environmentalist politics is all about the joy.

Stephens and Sprinkle situate their bodies in continuity with the Earth in a relationship of queer interdependency… They envision Butch Earth as a switch who invites us into a multitude of embodied, sensual, mindful responses beyond the limits of self-other paradigms.

Ah, those self-other paradigms. And situated bodies. Of course.

[The authors] propose an ethical practice of co-sense, rather than consent, in which humans attune themselves to the Earth via the senses, a process enabled by repeated, communal, non-monogamous marriages to the planet… in a relationship grounded by love and sensuality.

Naturally, the planet is also assigned with novelty pronouns – BE/BER – because, well, because.

Such is the radical heft of the Journal of Lesbian Studies. Where other topics of deep pondering include “lesbian-dog relationalities and becomings,” and “lesbian, non-binary, and trans-dog intimacies.”

Empowered feminist ladies and their erotic entanglements with pets is, you’ll recall, a subject we’ve touched on before.

The latest issue of the Journal of Lesbian Studies can be accessed, for a whole thirty days, for a mere £220.

Oh, and should you be intrigued by “ecosexuality,” “grassilingus,” tree-licking, and free-swinging breasts daubed with mud, well, today’s your lucky day.

Consider this an open thread. Share ye links and bicker.

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Academia Pronouns Or Else

Any Widening Of The Eyes Will Result In Detention

May 18, 2025 83 Comments

Lifted from the comments, a reminder of Teacher Appreciation Week:

This clearly female teacher has a deep voice, do you think it’s from smoking? pic.twitter.com/CGoFhMXy1C

— Dr. Jebra Faushay (@JebraFaushay) May 15, 2025

To which Chow Bag replies,

When is it child safeguarding week?

A not unreasonable question, all things considered.

Regarding Mr Look-At-My-Fabulous-Hair-Extensions, I suppose the obvious issue is the self-absorption of our strapping madam, such that he records and then publicly shares classroom videos of himself faffing about with his wig while expecting applause for his feats of fake-hair management. It does rather speak to his priorities and focus. And that’s before we get to the oddly ample fake bosom.

The other issue, I’d say, is the fact that schools have surrendered to cross-dressing men with a rapidity and full-throatedness that is quite remarkable. The place where cross-dressing men should not be – in positions of intimacy with, and authority over, children – is where they seem to find the most gushing welcome and the most ludicrous indulgence. Such that children are coerced to mouth fabulist pronouns and to regurgitate obvious lies.

Despite much higher rates of sexual offending, including offences against children, and similarly high rates of serious mental illness, people who identify as trans appear to be favoured in school hiring. Their numbers, and social-media prominence, does seem noteworthy. Among successful candidates, there is a certain triumphalism. A confident strutting.

And we’ve seen several examples of even the most basic safeguarding measures being abandoned, and an eye-widening disdain for children who report inappropriate behaviour by men in bad wigs. Even when that behaviour would, if indulged in by any other demographic, almost certainly result in immediate dismissal.

As if the safety of children were of much less importance than being seen to affirm cross-dressing men.

Also from the comments:

Cross-dressing man needs transgender Pride flag in classroom in order to teach maths.

Supposedly, it’s about making the children feel “comfortable.” Though it occurs to me that the flag’s connotations of coerced pretending, fetishistic mutilation and life-shortening hormone abuse – and generally being subordinate to a cross-dressing man with mental health issues – may have other effects. Say, by transforming a classroom from a place of learning into one of cowed pretension, of deference to the untrue.

And then there’s the not insignificant matter of introducing an element of transvestite farce into the classroom, which may result in children being distracted from the task at hand by the perhaps more immediate question of what the strange man in the wig and padded push-up bra sees when he looks in a mirror.

Readers may also wish to ponder whether children should be imposed upon in this way and should be obliged to pretend, to be dishonest, on a daily basis. Which is to say, pretending not to see the pantomime, and being obliged to participate in the teacher’s psychodrama, for the teacher’s gratification. While any children who demur, who acknowledge the obvious, even politely, run a risk of being disciplined and publicly denounced.

It seems to me this is, at the very least, rude. Some might say abusive.

But hey, this is where we are now. Let the progress wash over you.

Expanded via the comments.

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Ephemera

Friday Ephemera (768)

May 16, 2025 191 Comments

Scenic toilet. || Hot cube. || Camera-manning. || Less complicated methods may be available. || Somewhat lacking in elbow room. || Lippy fish. || News flash. || Easily done, I guess. || A tribute to the barf bag. || Unwelcome wobble. || Are you bringing the vulva energy to worldwide contentions? || Liveliness incoming. || “Where are my nunchucks?” || On waffle-stomping as an environmentalist’s solemn duty. || On “diversity” and migration, a short thread. || They call it “equity.” Previously. || On stereotypes. || Scenes from T.J. Maxx. || Spaghetti Junction, 1972. || “Pregnancy is not to be defined by biological phenomena… A transsexual theory of reproduction.” Horseshit ensues. || Employee of note. || In surgery. || Close. || “You need to come real fast.” || Oh, and finally, no, it turns out they can’t.

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In which we marvel at the mental contortions of our self-imagined betters.