I’m just going to leave this here, I think: 

Other questions generated by means of Queer Theorising include, “Do I think I’m having sex with my dogs when they kiss my face?” Apparently, for Dr Rudy, a Professor of Women’s Studies, being licked by a dog is difficult to distinguish from kissing grandma on the cheek or being lost in a full-on erotic fever. And thus, we’re told, “The line between ‘animal lover’ and zoophile is not only thin, it is non-existent.” 

Previously in the land of Queer Theory. 

And of course this rather eye-widening example.

Also, open thread.

Lifted from the comments, where much of the fun happens:

Says Min,

Well, we live in unhinging times, so it can be hard to tell. It did occur to me that maybe the parent, the one seeking pre-approval for adjectives, could have been indulging in some elaborate wind-up, one that passed undetected by its target. Or maybe the anecdote is a fiction, a self-flattering fantasy. Again, it’s hard to be sure. As the archives here illustrate, a thing being farcical doesn’t mean it can’t happen.

But either way, it must be quite strange to go through every day with your own “identity” foregrounded, forever in mind and endlessly referred to, and always craving an affirmation that is at best a polite lie. And with unending deference and flattery as an aspiration, an ideal, an ‘A-plus.’

And oh yes, the adjectives expected.

They’re bringing us together with their intersectional piety:

Gettysburg College has postponed a painting and writing event hosted by its Gender Sexuality and Resource Centre for people who are “Tired of white cis men.” The private Pennsylvania college offered the event as part of a peace and justice, or “P&J,” senior project, but has since postponed it after it was shared online. The event, originally scheduled for Saturday, Nov. 12, told people to “come paint and write about” how they are tired of straight, white men. The pieces from the event would then be displayed in the school’s dining hall for the campus to view.

For a mere $76,000 a year, you too can receive such lofty moral instruction.

Update, via the comments:

Connor adds, “It’s like everything they say has to be reversed.”

Well, yes, frequently. It’s not obvious, for instance, how “peace” would be achieved by cultivating a pretentious and competitive disdain for one’s classmates, and for random passers-by, based on their sex and skin colour. It’s also somewhat doubtful that the supposedly oppressive and fatigue-inducing properties of any other racial demographic would be a basis for an art event at an upscale college.

But as Lionel Shriver once put it, “Progressives seem especially prone to disguising one feeling as another.” And so, a contrived, self-flattering resentment – and outright bigotry – become acts of woke piety. And students are encouraged to believe that badmouthing people based on their skin colour is a thing one does in order to bond and make friends, and to impress others and thereby become statusful.

More items from the archives:

She’s Seething With Empowerment.

A Guardian contributor encounters a small act of courtesy, screaming ensues.

Ms Huckeba continues, “No, you cannot open this door for me! You wouldn’t have opened it two years ago, so you damn sure can’t open it now!” “I scowled and stormed away,” says she, “completely enraged.” You see, he’s not allowed to do that – holding open the door for her – or for any woman, presumably. Because although Ms Huckeba didn’t know this polite gentleman and had never seen him before, she’s nevertheless sure of what his views on holding doors open for people must have been two years previously, back when she was fat. It’s intersectional science. And this being the Guardian, what matters is that Ms Huckeba can invoke victimhood to rationalise having behaved like a complete and utter cow.

Don’t Oppress My People With Your Big Hooped Earrings.

The pretentiously agonised, part 436.

When not struggling with oppressive punctuation, Ms Martinez spends her time fretting about the fact that she and her peers are “not taken seriously” as the radical titans they so obviously are. According to fellow umbrage-taker Jacquelyn Aguilera, who also emailed the entire campus, “winged eyeliner, lined lips, and big hoop earrings” are “an everyday act of resistance” by the brown and virtuous.

You Mustn’t Stop The Hysteria.

A Professor of Education denounces consequences for… well, pretty much anything.

Meanwhile, in academia – specifically, the University of Southern California – it’s “Sex Week,” and so:

“Exploring Sensuality and Herbalism,” slated for Tuesday, will be a “virtual evening of plant-play and exploring pleasure, sensuality, and herbalism.”

If you feel an urge to make your own body oil, or herbal tea, or erotic pottery, or should you be in urgent need of a “sexuality doula” and a workshop on “pleasure and identities,” hosted by Ev’yan Whitney, an apparently famed “facilitator and sensualist”… well, your diaries should be updated.

But if anyone here starts fumbling in their pockets longer than is strictly necessary, I’m fetching the hose.

Also, open thread. Share ye links and bicker.