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Ephemera

Friday Ephemera (774)

July 4, 2025 146 Comments

It says commercial waste, but frankly I have doubts. || Suboptimal scenario. || Suboptimal scenario 2. || Yes, but they could be a little bigger. || Beach glamour. || Actual rollercoaster of emotion. || Smouldering sex kitten. || Not that much. || There’s something to be said for planning. || On misplaced politeness. || At last, an art centre with a protest toilet. || On Agatha’s poisons. “An overdose of nitroglycerine secreted into his favourite chocolates.” || The progressive retail experience, parts 635, 636, 637 and 638. || Pothole encountered. || Poking the anemones. || I didn’t know they did that. || She has many engines in her factory. || What fetish? || Flying highway timber, stabby bathtubs and other lively policing scenes. || Job satisfaction. || Oh, and the world of wonder under your fingernails.

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Written by: David
Ephemera

Friday Ephemera (772)

June 20, 2025 103 Comments

Relax with a little gardening. || She felt the important thing was to self-narrate. || Mom, I suspect, was not home at the time. || One for the anatomy quiz. || Men With Long Hair, 1967. || The floor is lava. || Ploppy chocolate. || For armchair tourists, a walk around Pall Mall and St James’s Palace. || Some improvement needed. || The progressive retail experience, parts 630, 631, 632, 633 and 634. || “People keep saying that Hamas hates us, but, like… maybe we vibe.” || It helps to have the children afterwards. || The new minority. || Not maddening at all. || Cursor anxiety, a thread ensues. || Our totally balanced betters express their feelings. || Balance shifted. || Belated pushback. || Unboxing video. || No, he doesn’t own a grocery store. || Not sure it fits, love. || Customer feedback.

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Written by: David
Reheated

Reheated (106)

May 22, 2025 49 Comments

For newcomers, some items from the archives:

For Buoyancy, Perhaps.

An encounter with the incongruous.

You see, when you’re about to get undressed in a women’s changing room and you realise you’re being watched by a balding pervert in an overtly sexual micro-thong, and with fake rubber knockers attached to his person, this is just part and parcel of being sensitive and inclusive. Apparently, we must learn to embrace modernity and its many sophistications. Especially the ladies.

Don’t Look Directly At It.

The Progressive Retail Experience. And the contortions it requires.

During the lengthy interview quoted above, Walgreens CEO Tim Wentworth hints at the development of “creative” solutions for customers demoralised by unimpeded thieving and the subsequent lockdown status of many stores. Paying customers, a seemingly shrinking demographic, will, we’re assured, be offered a “better… in-store experience” via “new scheduling optimisation logic” and “leveraging our omnichannel capabilities.”

Oddly, Mr Wentworth, whose business is planning to close another 450 stores during the coming year, avoids any use of the words shoplifting, looting, or theft.

It has to be said, the prospect of shopping for shampoo in a store where pretty much everything, including shampoo, is under lock and key and requires elaborate and protracted negotiation in order to actually buy it, and in which looters might at any time appear and start smashing up the place, with little opposition, does not entice. But hey, maybe that’s just me.

Steal From Them, Not Me.

A stolen phone, a worldview in snapshot form.

You see, they’re only supposed to steal from “rich scum.” Not nice people. Say, nice progressive women who are, like, totally cool with the robbing of others.

I Know, Let’s All Film Our Mental Breakdowns.

An election occurs. Cue meltdowns and moon-howling.

Among those traumatised was the Guardian contributor Francine Prose, whose mental health took a catastrophic turn, complete with hair loss and sudden-onset eye-twitching. Symptoms that were accompanied by agitated ramblings about Hitler, Stalin, dictatorship, people thrown from helicopters, and “the imprisonment and execution of those who disagree.”

Of course, Ms Prose was far from alone in her weird theatre of distress, and social media was ablaze with performative convulsion. Among the titans of the fabulist resistance was a tightly wound progressive chap, who envisioned internment camps for those like himself, i.e., tightly wound progressives, with the streets being patrolled by some Trumpian Sturmabteilung.

Oh, and let’s not forget the Ohio high-school teacher Danielle Mann, whose post-election demands, issued from her classroom, included a list of the addresses of likeminded progressives, all of them, everywhere, and the mandatory wearing of identifying bracelets. So that she would know how everyone else voted.

Display Purposes.

Progressive parenting, with bonus crack and badger.

Come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure what loving one’s body might mean, beyond the obvious off-colour jokes. But apparently, it’s something that one is supposed to proclaim as an accomplishment, a credential of progressivism. I have, however, noted that it tends to be announced by people whose declared triumph in this matter is not altogether convincing, and whose basis for doing so is generally much slimmer than they are.

It must be quite strange to go through life feeling a need to boast in print of some pointed behaviour – specifically, “showing my sons what a real woman’s body… looks like” – as if this feat of not wearing knickers were somehow radical, empowering, and a basis for applause. And to then have to justify this lifestyle affectation in ways that are somewhat contradictory and not particularly convincing. As if no-one would notice. It seems a lot of effort.

For those craving more, this is a pretty good place to start.

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Written by: David
Ephemera

Friday Ephemera (767)

May 9, 2025 160 Comments

A compendium of near misses. || The thrill of automation. || Taken: The Musical. || Snugger than thou. || Augmented-reality surgery. || The machine uprising, day 10. || Bigger than yours. || How to scare children. || I have a question for the ladies. || Modern slutting woes. || You want one and you know it. || A lot can happen in two weeks. || The airport passenger you’ve always wanted. || A trip to the shops. || He has an all-pink apartment. || The progressive retail experience, parts 628 and 629. || “Don’t expect passing to get rid of your dysphoria.” Related. || You’re threatened by her creativity. || Rather overshadowing the task at hand. || A situation had arisen. || Trans wing of Antifa showing their inner loveliness. || The fangs are the icing on the nightmare cake. || An unorthodox fight scene.

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Ephemera

Friday Ephemera (765)

April 25, 2025 140 Comments

Inhaling scenes. || An unthrown stick. || Neighbourly drama with bonus fire. || I remain unconvinced. || Not a parent, you say. || Suspension test. || Pacemaker of note. || Hairpiece of note. || The progressive retail experience, parts 625, 626 and 627. || Pole dancer. || There’s something to be said for unclean glass. || New niche crisis detected. || Possible enhancement detected. || For those of you concerned for the safety of cyclists. || There’s someone at the door, Maureen. || Vertical mouse. || According to mood, I guess. || Ethereal and gorgeous. || At last, a fool-proof test of heterosexuality. Can confirm. || “Can I father a child with the appendage made out of my forearm that you’ve sewn onto my groin?” || On surface tension. || And some deep, sweet rumblings from a rest-stop bathroom.

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In which we marvel at the mental contortions of our self-imagined betters.