Gardening Gone Wrong
Because you’ll only complain otherwise, I bring you performance art:
I’m reading the catalogue and press release. Bear with me. Send sandwiches.
Needless to say, the accompanying prose is quite extensive. The words “sustainable heterotopic space of discourse” crop up, obviously, and which, as you can imagine, is an enormous help. Quite how one might “exchange ideas” with a plant is, alas, not divulged.
We are, however, offered a tantalising preview of a “sensitive, sensual performance” by Lisa Hinterreithner and her associates, in which the four ladies “lead us into a world of living vegetatability.” It is, as will become clear, a “human-plant utopia.”
Should you be tempted by the prospect of watching four women being intimate with nature, fondling straw, and tonguing moss, you can behold the full 100-minute performance at the Künstlerhaus Factory, Vienna, July 20-23, where other, equally stunning works can doubtless be savoured.
Visitors are advised to “if possible, bring socks.”
And before you ask, the artists acknowledge the financial support of the Cultural Department of the City of Vienna, the City of Salzburg, the Province of Salzburg, and the Federal Ministry of Arts, Culture, Civil Service and Sport.
First! Always wanted to say that..no, not really. What I want to say, predict actually, is that the word ‘cucumber’ is going to show up in this thread some way, some how. If not, my OCD will likely cause some sort of rash.
*Runs away screaming*
Damn you, David.
But there’s fondling, and tonguing, and women stroking themselves with twigs…
It’s “a world of living vegetatability.”
[ Cruel laughter. ]
Isn’t technology marvellous?
In the 18th Century I would have had to travel in some discomfort to London in order to goggle at the patients of Bedlam Asylum. And pay the porter a penny to let me in.
Yet today I can view the mentals from the convenience of my own toilet. For little more than twenty of our English pounds a month.
That would have bought Sussex in the 18th Century.
Mind you, my laptop does not offer me a “haptic introduction by Lisa Bottomrider for blind and visually impaired persons“. Though on the other hand, I’m not wearing socks.
Did anyone mention cucumbers?
Here I am, slaving away, at all hours, bringing a little high culture into your tiny, aesthetically barren lives…
1) I’m reading the catalogue
OK, I’ve tried that on three different browsers and a phone, but is that one of the most fucked up sites on the planet? The layout looks like a high school yearbook laid out by methed out monkey.
2) I believe we have found a bunch of idiots who were not allowed to play outside as kids.
3) Zappa was there first.
4) I am sore chagrined I won’t be able to make it to Vienna in July.
Oh, you have to be high..? Well, I understand now.
Dude, don’t force it. If it doesn’t…come naturally, it doesn’t count. And as we are moving shortly, the wife threw out our last bottle of calamine lotion.
Band name.
Well played mine host.
Arguably your best yet.
I’m glad it is pointed out to us that she “noticeably plays with tine,” because I didn”t catch that part.
Two thoughts- firstly, they should have given this particular gig to Rocio Boliver. Secondly, under the circumstances, “Künstlerhaus” makes a pretty nifty portmanteau word.
“you should downshift.”
That doesn’t mean what they think it means…
(to downshift means to engage a higher numerical gear, thus increasing revs. It’s akin to the mooovies in which one engages “overdrive” to the sound of increasing fury – except “overdrive” lowers the input RPMs…)
Ok, who’s snoring over there?
ARE YOU NOT AESTHETICALLY ENGORGED?
“Summer is icumen in”.
I recall that ended badly.
That’s what she said!
I suppose this is where the cucumber should’ve gone.
Well, there is* a type of Japanese animation that shows a similar looking sort of art…
*so I’ve been told. And heads for door. Whilst ducking.
Every cultural institution is run by bedlamites, not just schools and universities.
Emergency Rooms are well aware of that sort of thiing.
Not really necessary to spell it out is it?
Well, that too involves vegetation of sorts.
As I have been saying, speak up. It matters.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
Went to the catalogue. They approvingly quote Latour, which says a lot. They say plants have been “colonized”–only slightly less absurd than talking about decolonizing mars. Evidence of “colonization”? The use of latin names. hahahaha. I’m sure the ferns are distressed by their latin names. Do read the texts, it is fatuous and absurd to a high degree. They could have just said “gardening and walking in the woods are salubrious” and be done with it.
Belated cucumber.
With Peyronie’s Disease?
Ahem
I have questions.
And feelings of inadequacy?
All I can recall about Bruno Latour, at the moment, is that he was discussed in two books by Levitt and Gross about the left’s war against science, Higher Superstition and The Flight From Science and Reason. I’ve forgotten all the details.
They say plants have been “colonized”…
If they are colonizing plants consultation with a psychiatrist and a proctologist are highly recommended.
Heh. Where do I suppose most of these stupid ideas come from?
In other plant related performance art news, let us go to France. (Caution)
But there’s fondling, and tonguing, and women stroking themselves with twigs…
That’s not just any twig, that’s pussy willow. So it’s quite literally pussy stroking.
[ Puts on poison dart proof vest ]
I’ll just leave this here, I think.
or perhaps not.
When you are stunningly ignorant, it is so easy to find obvious things and think they are new or to read garbage like Latour and think it is profound. I am envious. hahah not really. In the upper left of the catalogue there is a “navigation” tab. Hover over it. hahahaha like a kid’s collage.
‘Tis a silly place.
Interesting that the soundtrack to that video immediately reminds me of Forbidden Planet.
And we know how that movie ends.
Heh.
Sorry miss, I was giving myself an oil job?
I know I live a boring life, but I’d pay good money to see some sad blokes rogering a venus fly trap, or the ladies getting out the nettle dildos.
K…needing some help from across the Pond….To get around the FB and other censors, I’ve resorted to Cockney Rhyming Slang. But of course Google, etc. are not too crazy to help out much here either. So…is there an option for Gay besides Perry Cuomo? Because that seems simultaneously too weak and too harsh. Not that once upon a time I didn’t regard PC as gay…but not that kind of gay Also for Trans, best I can find is Ginger Beer, which…and I’m not up on all this new fangled language even in the original context…isn’t the same as Trans is it?
I think the answer you’re looking for is to not use FaceBook “and other censors“.
But if you must, I’m afraid that the modern atrocity that is The Tranny was unknown to 19th Century rhyming Cockneys.
They did however have Pearly Kings and Pearly Queens.
And there’s always Liberace at a pinch.
or to read garbage like Latour and think it is profound
The late Canadian pundit Kathy Shaidle once referred to Stephen Fry as “a stupid person’s idea of a clever person”.
is there an option for Gay besides Perry Cuomo?
Mig-15. Look it up.
Also for Trans, best I can find is Ginger Beer
‘Troon’ is the current term of art, although because it’s unique it’s easily detected. ‘Transformer’ usually works in context.
I think this bears repeating. Try clicking the link,
…
Really? No progress in the lingo in over a century? Pity.
Heh. That’s pretty funny in the sense that I was making a pejorative reference to the F-35 at the time.
I’m afraid that the modern atrocity that is The Tranny was unknown to 19th Century rhyming Cockneys.
Doesn’t mean one can’t invent new rhymes – cranny, nanny, granny, or especially for the Brits, fanny.
Trans – plans, cans, scans, Afghans (that will excite some quarters), or for the bellends among them, glans.
As the cockneys have largely been pushed out over two generations by new Londoners rhyming slang has atrophied. There is no slang for trans simply because 50 years ago there was no such thing.
Ginger Beer and Perry Como were both valid if somewhat obvious slang. Other words are more obscure and some have actually shifted their meaning over time. To “goose” a lady is generally interpreted as to pinch her Queen Mum (bum) or Wrigleys (spearmint gum). however the original derivation was short for “goose and duck” implying something a lot more intimate.
There are several slang dictionaries and translators on line should you wish to delve deeper into a harmless past.
Rhyming slang should not be confused with polari which is/was a semi-coded language with roots in the theatre but mainly used as a private means of communication in London’s post-war gay community.
I left London in the 1980s never to return but was fortunate enough to experience the old East End before the great replacement. .
I see that during the not inconsiderable time it took me to write that several others have nipped in to largely steal my thunder. At least we’re all agreed that there is no slang for trans.
For a while there I was using asses & fannies for trannies but that got a bit problematic itself. The thing is the more polite you get making stuff up the less likely you are to communicate unless it’s a well known thing. Which it isn’t much known nor understood in the US. Especially by women. The time I spent explaining something as simple as apples & pears to my sister-in-law…sigh…never getting that time back…
In other news:-
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/06/14/poland-hel-bus-666-gdansk-satanism-christians-catholic/
Poland will no longer run the 666 bus route to Hel amid complaints from Christian groups that it was “spreading Satanism”.
Oh that link. Why didn’t you say so?
Yeah, fair enough. I guess every war needs insurgents, and actors behind enemy lines. I’ll wind my neck in.
Speaking of activity behind enemy lines (fnarr, fnarr), Polari – a sort of Romany slang – was used to great effect by the BBC to secretly broadcast smut in episodes of Round the Horne. And anything else featuring Kenneth Williams. The sly dog.
Particularly “Decepticon“?
“is there an option for Gay besides Perry Cuomo?
Mig-15. Look it up”
Snort.
I have seen gun camera photo of one going down in flames, posted without words, to mean the same thing. Also images of a peasant carrying a big bundle of sticks.
All this is simultaneously very funny and very unhappy-making: All thanks to the politically correct fanatics and professional activists. Just think how well we could get along if it weren’t for leftists and opportunists and the permanently aggrieved.
Yep, incorrect usage.
In my mind this means things are probably about to get frantic.
Particularly “Decepticon“?
That’s often used for Republicans who sell out their base, so there’s some semantic overloading going on.
It’s needlessly difficult to read and, ultimately, not worth the effort. Which is inadvertently symbolic, I suppose.
As the cockneys have largely been pushed out over two generations by new Londoners…
Worked in the heart of it during the late sixties. Wondering if today, you would see signs for halal jellied eels in shop windows.
Tonguing Moss
Bandname. Seriously.
Halal jellied eels are a possibility.
Liquor is definitely haram.
Well, it is a well established idiom in casual speech:
When you downshift a vehicle, the wheels make fewer RPM’s per RPM of the driving power source whether that be an automobile engine or a bicycle’s pedals.
Speaking of Ms Boliver and her midlife crisis… I was, earlier today, standing in a supermarket checkout queue, staring into space, when I realised that I was actually staring at a magazine titled Menopause & You. Which made me wonder exactly how many articles about hot flushes and bone density a layperson might wish to read – every month.
Hey, I’m just sharing my day.
Klimt, Schiele, Kokoschka, Haydn, Schubert, Mahler, Strauss, Mozart …
Boy, they sure showed those dead western white males, didn’t they?
Be thankful I don’t give extended descriptions of the magazines in my doctors’ waiting rooms.
It’s needlessly difficult to read and, ultimately, not worth the effort.
Rather a 2023 version of this sort of blast from the past…
Well, it is a well established idiom in casual speech:
An idiom by idiots who have never driven a manual transmission (or for that matter don’t understand how transmissions work) and think it just means “go slower”, but if you want to accelerate, you don’t up shift.
It is probably used because they think it sounds edgier than “dial it back” largely because most of them have never seen a dial before. “Push button it back” or “remote it back” just doesn’t have any zing.
Rhyming slang for trannies? Tins. Tin cans, trans. With a side order of “definitely not what it says on the tin.”
Ladies pleasuring themselves with plants? That’s how you get triffids.
And in further rainbow diversity news: “I do it to blow off steam.”
The folks in Portland and Seattle think such acts should be applauded.
Ladies and gentlemen, Science!™, The Infinite Gender Cube.
Man with serious mental health problems attempts to rationalise said serious mental health problems, fails.
He also claims that men keep staring at his breasts.
“I do it to blow off Steam”
Funny name for a dog.
Hey – is that burning coat I smell?
I was, earlier today, standing in a supermarket checkout queue, staring into space, when I realised that I was actually staring at a magazine titled Menopause & You.
Wow. UK supermarket checkout aisles are much different from US ones. We mostly have tattler tabloids, cooking, and home decorating magazines there, and whatever glossy special issue Life is flogging that month. Although now I think about it, Woman’s Day and one other similarly-titled magazine paper are prominently featured, and they are aimed at women of a certain age. The cover headlines will be about beating belly fat in menopause, dealing with hot flashes, etc, but there will also be diet articles and a celebrity on the cover too. Menopause & You seems awfully…specific.
He’s a chemical engineering professor. Maybe he meant STEM. No, that can’t be right either. A very bright young guy that I went to high school with back in the early 80’s got turned in by his roommates in college for poking his pet rat (named ‘Albert’ for Albert Einstein) in the butt with a pencil. They put him in prison on a class-release type program where he was allowed to attend classes but had to report back to prison to serve his time. Wonder what will happen to this literal genius?
And, I assume, monthly.
I shall now be scouring the racks for Hives, Repetitive Strain Monthly, and Backache magazine.
And, I assume, monthly.
Not any more.
Speaking of periodicals, journalists, is there anything they don’t know?
Well, 9/11 was America’s Pearl Harbor. I think I read that somewhere.
The Battle of the Thames.
OT but funny. Didn’t hear about it at the time.
“Never mind maneuvers, always go at them.”
I’m willing to cut them some slack, since Chernobyl happened under the Soviet Union. But not too much slack; they don’t deserve it.
Would read. 🙂
It’s possible I’m being a little unfair. I only saw the cover. But it was the combination of glossy lifestyle presentation and, basically, a list of ailments.
Well, there goes the Fast & Furious franchise.
Frankly, I blame Tom Cruise. Or Kenny Loggins.
I’m willing to cut them some slack, since Chernobyl happened under the Soviet Union.
No slack ever, it was in the Ukrainian SSR under the aegis of the Soviet Ministry of Energy and Electrification just like Three Mile Island was in Pennsylvania even though under the aegis of the US Nuclear Regulatory Commission.
The time I spent explaining something as simple as apples & pears to my sister-in-law…sigh…never getting that time back…
Rhyming slang is economic about explanation, because somebody who doesn’t pick up on the cues is an outsider who isn’t worth talking to.
Q: What is “nook”, I don’t understand. A: And cranny, madam.
It is never the ones you would expect.
But the cat covered it up.
That’s very true. I’d have never put him down as the type to sell human remains.
I’d have naturally assumed he’d eat them himself.
But today’s Ukraine is not the Ukrainian SSR puppet state.
The key test would be to determine whether or not the journalists knew where Chernobyl is, which was not clear in their off-hand comparisons.
Horns/tattoos guy isn’t the morgue manager. That guy was just the end customer that this guy, a guy who was hired by people with medical degrees and/or people whom people with medical degrees themselves hired, overseen by others with medical degrees, smart people, smaaaaart, sold the parts to. Though seeing as the people from whom those parts came were themselves likely from the smart set, the smaaaart set, well….it helps in the cope department a little. Based on stories I heard back in the day from medical students on how cadavers “donated to science” were treated, it really doesn’t surprise me. Much.
The Battle of the Thames.
A memorable event, not least for the fact that an entire nation realised beyond any reasonable doubt that the sainted Sir Bob Geldof was in fact just a nasty little gobshite.
Those of us willing to take note of his go-to reply when asked how much of his own millions had actually been donated to charity “I give my fecking time, OK?” were already aware of his unlovely true nature.
You might need to wear that blogging thong while driving now as well, David.
Oh, that. Heh. How my brain works… I distinctly remember that day as I was just told that I was being laid off by this company, who I just saw this story about, that very morning. All in all it was a rather glorious week or two.
You might need to wear that blogging thong while driving now as well, David.
More methed out monkeys writing, it is a summer dress, not a fricking hoop skirt, and the only way it could get caught in the pedals is if was being taken off.
While they may be a good way to keep cool in the summer months, the material at the bottom of the dress can get lodged underneath the pedals or even cause feet to get tangled.
Just how freakin long do they think a sundress is?? Or do they think we go around in ballgowns every day like that Dylan chap or the His Pretty Nails types du jour?
Granted, I have seen some long flowy sundresses, and have owned one or two in my time – but usually I leave those for around-the-house wear.
I wonder what they think of burqas – seems as though there’d be some loss of visibility through the front screen as well as extra lengths of tangly fabric to get caught in the pedals.
Maybe that’s why they don’t let ’em drive?
Ah, now he definitely ate a few of them!
“Come rainbow bombs and fall on Slough“?
Now I feel sick.
I’m going to retreat into my binge-watching the Detectorists.
But could they even possibly be worse than the male Saudi drivers?
It’s transphobic to shoot a take down a mass shooter with more than one shot.
Remember this? “That’s All the Bullets We Had, or We Would Have Shot Him More”
–a no-BS sheriff when quizzed about the shooting of a carjacker and cop-killer.