Because you’ll only complain otherwise, I bring you performance art:

I’m reading the catalogue and press release. Bear with me. Send sandwiches.

Needless to say, the accompanying prose is quite extensive. The words “sustainable heterotopic space of discourse” crop up, obviously, and which, as you can imagine, is an enormous help. Quite how one might “exchange ideas” with a plant is, alas, not divulged.

We are, however, offered a tantalising preview of a “sensitive, sensual performance” by Lisa Hinterreithner and her associates, in which the four ladies “lead us into a world of living vegetatability.” It is, as will become clear, a “human-plant utopia.”

Should you be tempted by the prospect of watching four women being intimate with nature, fondling straw, and tonguing moss, you can behold the full 100-minute performance at the Künstlerhaus Factory, Vienna, July 20-23, where other, equally stunning works can doubtless be savoured.

Visitors are advised to “if possible, bring socks.”