Friday Ephemera
If fruit could move. || Uncanny mom powers. || Progress. || How to optimise your roast potatoes, mathematically. || Miracle breakthrough. || Bee waves. || Windblown snow, from above. || She does this better than you do. (h/t, Tim) || Rolling below. || Brain coasters. || “The effort of vomiting pressed out about half a teacupful of the brain, which fell upon the floor.” || Fridge-and-houseguest-related idea of note. Do let us know how it goes. (h/t, Julia) || Fixing the world one step at a time. || Safety first. || Wheels. || You want one and you know it. || Scenes. (h/t, Dicentra) || Extra strong. || Woodland. || Comb-over. || On the domestication of cats. || Incoming. || And finally, a caption competition.
“How to optimise your roast potatoes, mathematically.”
First, we assume a spherical potato…
Oh, wait.
“Comb-over.”
Or badly-modelled NPC?
“Incoming.”
Hey, I’ve seen that one before! Sort of.
Ex post facto
Good news everyone ! We are all just inconsistent colonial constructs – and dead sexy.
And finally, a caption competition.
Needs a BOING noise.
Morning, all.
Boid and puddy tat.
Via Rita Panahi.
Situation of note.
Via Holborn.
Comb-over.
The hair hasn’t loaded properly yet.
The hair hasn’t loaded properly yet.
In terms of lift and volume, it’s quite impressive. Given the lack of actual hair.
Intersectional woes.
Welp, that mathematics degree just paid for itself. To be honest I would’ve put my money on Womens Studies to crack the code to the perfect roasted spud. C’mon ladies, surely you can regain some non-STEM ground against these patriarchy enabling math dorks and discover the perfect equation to the Egg and Bacon roll. At the very least it will be great experience for when you eventually (begrudgingly) join the workforce and start throwing those McMuffins together.
Dancing.
Heh.
A “clathic eggthample”.
The best roasting potatoes are cut in half.
If the potato is big enough to be cut into four pieces it should be chipped.
Fite me.
Needs a BOING noise.
No, a DONG noise.
OK, it was obvious, but someone had to go there.
Correcttion: If the potato is big enough to be cut into four pieces or too small that it can’t be made into two roast potatoes it should be chipped.
Intersectional woes.
Right, I think that is in the Balfour Declaration. Seriously, though, how can anyone be so deluded ?
Oh. Nevermind.
Needs a BOING noise.
He needs to whack it off.
He needs to whack it off.
As you can see, the staff, um, member is trying to whack it off. But I question his technique. He’ll be at it all day. I think he needs to grip it, firmly, and then jerk it off. Perhaps with a twisting motion.
The ladies have been awfully quiet.
Context, sort of, here.
“Crimestop means the faculty of stopping short, as though by instinct, at the threshold of any dangerous thought.”
@ Eric B
Meanwhile, in DC…
…and in NYC.
If these places are going to go this route, they might as well just declare all the trains are free, then the authorities won’t have to worry about offending anyone or being called racist.
If these places are going to go this route, they might as well just declare all the trains are free, then the authorities won’t have to worry about offending anyone or being called racist.
It’s not so much policy-making as some collective hallucination.
And finally, a caption competition.
That’s a schlong way up on the wall…
And finally, a caption competition.
Just another exercise in Intersectional Feminism class called Giving It to the Patriarchy.
And finally, a caption competition
“All in all it’s just another prick on the wall”
(with apologies to Pink Floyd)
As you can see, the staff, um, member is trying to whack it off.
Well, yeah, the rozzers have told them it is an offence and if they keep it up, it will go hard on them.
As God and Heinlein intended.
Fridge-and-houseguest-related idea of note.
*looks round furtively*
*uses office printer*
As God and Heinlein intended.
There’s something delightfully Jules Verne-ish about the look of that.
There’s something delightfully Jules Verne-ish about the look of that.
More like Ed Woods-ish…
I thought it looked like a V-2…
On the domestication of cats.
Aah, someone thinks that cats have been domesticated. Bless.
“Let’s check out this lemon thing.”
As God and Heinlein intended.
Or Bugs Bunny. Is it made out of aluminumumum?
As God and Heinlein intended.
Waitaminute. Is there someone standing under it? Why yes, there is…
Well. That’s a fitting end to the day. It’s 10 pm here on the left coast of the US of A, so I shall bid you all good night.
Woke, woker, wokest:
But hey, let’s have more woke educators encouraging the conceit that “whiteness” is oppressive and pathological, something to be fixed. Because the end result will, obviously, be a more harmonious society.
Via Andy Ngo.
Caption Competition: “Move along now! Nothing to see here.”
Woke, woker, wokest:
Wokissimus.
Wokissimus.
Yes, quite. It’s telling just how often wokeness relies on woo.
OK, help me out here. Can someone over yonder tell me if this story is for real? I spent a week in Bristol once and thought it a rather nice little town. Even considered visiting it again if I’m ever in that area again.
https://metro.co.uk/2019/01/09/council-bans-cheese-toasties-stop-motorbike-gangs-8325212/
Those barbarians!
I’ll just leave this here, I think.
Via Obnoxio.
It’s telling just how often wokeness relies on woo…I’ll just leave this here, I think.
It has often been said that leftists and Moslems have a lot in common.
It has often been said…
And our unhappy Muhammadan is unlikely to find himself being chided for his intersectional shortcomings.
It has often been said that leftists and Moslems have a lot in common.
Wellll, if the focus is on identity, then yes, quite left wing. If someone is insisting on The Correct Faith, then the particular Muslim is going to be typical right wing . . .
Albeit one can grant that for those blissfully neither right wing or left, the hysterical shrieks of both right and left wings do get interchangeable . . .
I’ll just leave this here, I think.
Well I will say this for that, it raises an interesting hypothesis. I for one would be very interested in obtaining a government grant to research this hypothesis and I would even go so far as to volunteer as a test subject. #SCIENCE. Blind me with it, baby.
it raises an interesting hypothesis.
[ Hands over a damp flannel. ]
You’re looking a bit sweaty.
I wonder how our woke person manages to get round the fact that Afro-Americans are vastly over-represented in sports where aggression is a positive thing (American Football, Boxing etc)?
It’s not the money, because there’s sports which pay a lot and have been around a long time, where they are not so dominant, especially baseball.
The rise of the NBA as predominantly black has also changed its character totally. It was originally a non-contact sport.
How’s the weather across the pond? Much of the U.S., including my 1/3 acre thereof, is snowed in. Fortunately I had nothing pressing and can wait to go out tomorrow after the snowplow rumbles by.
Send some of that snow Australia way. Another bloody heatwave is coming down through Melbourne, it looks like.
And finally, a caption competition.
When are they going to realise that it is not stuck on, but poked through?
More intersectional problems.
Growing your body hair out in January is an act of feminist empowerment, according to this drama student (now there is a surprise).
Not so fast, If white women do it, it is an act of colonialism, as this chap can attest.
Honestly, these SJW idiots are so busy tying themselves in knots trying to outdo each other, they don’t know whether to crap or go blind.
Woke.
That guy in the pink sarong reminds me of Corporal Klinger on MASH.
Woke.
“She” seems nice.
“She” seems nice.
Zinnia’s unhappy mind has been noted before.
To be fair, Zinnia did use a smiley face at the end of her hate filled tweet.
Wokissimus.
. . . . I‘m drawing a blank on the picture. Who is that?
Who is that?
Trofim Lysenko.
Yes, quite. It’s telling just how often wokeness relies on woo.
Maybe it should be called woo-kness?
Chester Draws,
It was originally a non-contact sport.
I remember when NBA basketball officially became a contact sport, and it involved two white guys: in the 1984 Finals when Boston’s Kevin McHale clotheslined LA’s Kurt Rambis, and received not an ejection, or even an intentional foul, but an ordinary shooting foul, and was hailed as a hero in Boston.
Farnsworth,
Growing your body hair out in January is an act of feminist empowerment…
As yet, I remain unconvinced that “Januhairy” is not a 4Chan hoax.
My favourite is when woke actresses grow out bits of their body hair, to show we don’t have to be slaves to patriarchy or something. Then they turn up with exquisitely done hair and make-up, ridiculous heels and very expensive dresses to tell us how they aren’t bound by expectations of “pretty” because they grow their armpit hair.
Meanwhile large portions of the population have hair done for under $100, wear almost no make-up, don’t wear heels on most days and dress in nice but cheap clothes. But because they shave their armpits, they’re slaves to the corporate system.
they’re slaves to the corporate system.
In recognition of your wokeness, by the authority vested in me by the State of California, I hereby grant you one (1) exemption from the Chair Of Correction.
Now, for the entertainment value, I’m going to troll the CA online resources to find the appropriate Agency or Commission for me to grant my exemptions from.
I’m betting it’s take me less than ten minutes to find a good one.
Remember, this is a state where approval and/or registration from AT LEAST 12 agencies is required to open a hair-cutting shop.
Wow, so many possibilities:
California Complaint Mediation Program
Corrections Standards Authority
Education Audit Appeals Panel
High-Speed Rail Authority
History and Culture Agency
Horse Racing Board
InFoPeople
Inspection Services
Institute for Education Reform
Office of Administrative Hearings
Spill Prevention and Response (cuz you drunks can be a problem.)
Office of the Patient Advocate (hey, I can be patient if necessary.)
Opinion Unit
Prevention Services
Standards and Assessment Division
State Allocation Board
Learn California
I’m leaning toward “California Opinion Unit”, but I’d bet that my expenses would be easier to hide at the High-Speed Rail Authority.
What say you?
“We live in a stupid world where a bunch of men decided that women are more fuckable when their bodies more closely resemble naked mole rats…”
Ahahahaha yeah but nah. Men may occasionally express preferences about women’s bodies but that’s *nothing* compared to what women will think about their own bodies, and say about one another. Just compare the typical lads’ mag (which rarely ventures beyond comments along the lines of ‘great gazungas’) to the constant stream of self-beautification and self-care tips you will find in a women’s magazine. The ‘patriarchy’ didn’t decide shaved legs were nice. Women did.
The ‘patriarchy’ didn’t decide shaved legs were nice. Women did.
TBF, human pediculosis has always been a motivating factor for persons of either sex to shave various bits.
Weather report.
Originally posted in 2003.
And if men prefer shaved women, what of it? There has to be some preference.
Most men shave every day. It’s not like we ask women to shave any more than we shave ourselves.
Punditry of note.
I think the California Opinion Unit is where Damian works. Why else would @DamCou be his handle?