Insufficiently Swiped
Meanwhile, in the chronically fretful, joy-sapping world of Everyday Feminism, where absolutely everything is politicised, and where politicised invariably means oppressive, Caleb Luna ponders the gay hook-up app Grindr, and why he – sorry, they – attracts so little interest:
As a fat person, I have rarely received any messages on Grindr, and people frequently don’t respond to my messages.
Conceivably, some users may be familiar with Mr Luna’s written output and its wearying effect. I’m guessing that declaring oneself a they, and a writer for Everyday Feminism, isn’t widely regarded as a potent aphrodisiac.
The only times I’ve been approached on Grindr have been by people who come to the app knowing they’re attracted to my body type. This gives me reason to believe that the same is true for other Grindr users. Most Grindr users have a predetermined body type they are attracted to – a thin one.
In much the same way that pornography featuring fat ‘non-binary’ models remains a niche interest. A shocking revelation. Less shocking, however, is that the option of weight loss isn’t explored, at all. Instead, it seems, we should all “interrogate” and “expand” our desires via immersion in intersectional dogma:
You can start by diversifying the range of bodies you allow into your pool of sexual possibilities.
Thus empowered, we will overcome our “phobias,” which is to say our preferences, and consequently start lusting after “alternative bodies.” Specifically, bodies like Mr Luna’s. However, in the meantime, things are looking grim:
So, while Grindr is discussed as a place where anyone who might be considered a man can find men to have sex with, who are (mostly) looking to have sex with men, this isn’t how my experience has played out.
It’s a sad tale, yes, and about to get sadder.
And while there is certainly nothing stopping me from staying on Grindr, when I get no conversation or dates, it ultimately only takes up space on my phone.
You’ll find tissues at the bar.
That space is better used for pictures of people who actually do love and want me,
Wait for it.
like selfies.
There’s more, of course, on the “privilege” (by which Mr Luna means outrageous unfairness) of some people having more conventionally alluring anatomy and some mastery of their weight, and the conceit that more men ought to be passionately attracted, and would be if only they were schooled in intersectional victimhood politics. But I think for now we’ll just leave it there. And get on with our lives.
When not being unhappy and resentful in the pages of Everyday Feminism, the being named Caleb Luna is “a first-year PhD student at University of California, Berkeley, and their work explores the intersections of fatness, desire, fetishism, white supremacy, and colonialism from a queer of colour lens.” So not at all predictable or conformist. Or self-involved. Readers wishing to get busy with said being, in a suitably woke and political way, can seek titillation via Twitter.
The telltale sign, a thesis about oneself.
like selfies.
I looked at the date and assumed this must be a spoof.
I looked at the date and assumed this must be a spoof.
It, and he – sorry, they – are quite real.
Come get some.
The tell-tale sign, a thesis about oneself.
Apparently, the insufficient numbers of men swooning with desire at Mr Luna’s profile, and his ample proportions, is the fault of the world – of people having the wrong kind of politics. The blame is always elsewhere:
Thing is, I don’t think the Grindr app is doing that. The people using Grindr are, if only by not agreeing with Mr Luna. In much the same way that the people going to a club would pick and choose potential sex partners. It isn’t the fault of Grindr, or the club, or “society.” It’s what people do, given the choice and opportunity. And if Mr Luna wishes to get laid more often, perhaps he – sorry, they – should consider an unexplored option, i.e., losing some of that weight. And if possible keeping quiet about his – sorry, their – achingly tedious identitarian politics.
And then, of course, there are the boasts of prodigious food consumption, as when telling the world, with just a hint of pride, that he – sorry they – ate an entire pizza by himself. Sorry, themselves.
Their use of the term “body fascism” was kind of amusing.
You could, I think, view most of the content of Everyday Feminism as an exercise in being chronically unrealistic and deflecting responsibility. In that, if you want to get laid more frequently but are being declined because you’re fat, then the options are: (1) lose weight, or (2) lecture the world on the terrible unfairness of people generally preferring partners who aren’t heavily overweight. The first option is practical and, with effort, may yield results. The second is self-indulgent posturing and, given human nature, is unlikely to have much effect on how often your sheets get crumpled.
“You’ll find tissues at the bar.”
Ummmm…
Ummmm…
I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, madam.
Everywhere I go lately, I (along with an awful lot of other people I know and like)seem to be to blame for everything.
Here I am, white, male, good-looking (trust me on that one), past middle age, but still in great shape (trust me on that one too), intelligent, good conversationalist, adequate at most sports, able to choose good wine, well-read and not yet dead, and I run a business (boo, hiss) but only a little one, honest.
Thinking about it, once I am dead I’ll be blamed for even more things!
It’s enough to dent your self-esteem.
No it ain’t, (trigger warning) Mum and Dad brought me up to shrug that sort of sh*t off. So get knotted Caleb and take your tears elsewhere.
I have had enough.
… the being named Caleb Luna is “a first-year PhD student at University of California, Berkeley, …
I clicked through to Luna’s Twitter account and the first thing I see is this reTweet, apparently shared with approval.
Good to see that critical thinking is in rude health at UC Berkeley then.
and the first thing I see is this reTweet,
Excuse me while I adjust the frequency of my vibrations.
Ah. That’s better.
Caleb’s Twitter account
I come here to talk to myself
That figures.
It’s been almost years since I have been to a quinceañera. I’m living my life so wrong
I agree with the second part. But why would he (it/they) be interested in 15-year-old girls?
Ph.Ds ain’t what they used to be, huh?
I can’t wait to hear from him when he’s Dr. Luna.
The blame is always elsewhere
Likewise, The Cause isn’t really wearing clown shoes and pedaling a tiny tricycle, it’s real. If you lot of Normals would only see that “Teh Resistance is what we really need right now”.
What we really need right now after its national mandate to disappear, whatever it is.
“conventionally alluring anatomy”
Hey, I found a new bar pick up line!
Intersectionally related, LGBT Skittles are rayciss.
I come here to talk to myself.
That figures.
It is faintly symbolic. I mean, the point of the post above isn’t that Mr Luna struggles to find a date. It’s about his – sorry, their – elaborate self-flattering pseudo-explanation for this state of affairs. I.e., the assumption that more men ought to be attracted, and would be attracted, if only they too were schooled in the right kind of intersectional victimhood politics.
I believe the term is pity shag.
“I’m a queer, fat person who enjoys and seeks out sex with men, usually men who think of me as a man (and I don’t correct them).”
If I’m reading that correctly, Caleb isn’t actually biologically male. It’s not something I’ve looked into at all, but from the context here I assume that most men using Grindr are looking to have sex with someone who has a penis. Yes, it’s true that the market for your sexual appeal will be limited if you’re obese than if you’re physically fit, but it’s even more limited if you’re a woman who wants to have sex with gay men.
This reminds me of the BBC show about a transsexual teen, who was hurt to discover that boys lost interest when they found out there was male anatomy under the skirt. Sorry, but there’s only so far even the most open-minded people will go when trying to accept your psychoses.
If I’m reading that correctly, Caleb isn’t actually biologically male.
I hesitate to probe further. I just went with the moustache.
But in terms of sexual popularity, the lack of clarity, of differentiation, does seem to be a big part of the problem – making him – sorry, them – a niche within a niche. At risk of sounding incredibly staid and stuffy, I’d imagine that people using hook-up apps are for the most part hoping for one thing or the other, and the goods as advertised, rather than… well, last-minute surprises.
SJWs may find that demanding that people be attracted to unattractive people is a futile exercise. Genitals have a mind of their own, and care little for social justice concerns.
“I hesitate to probe further.”
Just the tip, then (metaphorically speaking).
(Sorry)
That does seem to be Luna’s problem.
I was struck by the description “first year PhD student”. Are PhD’s based on curricula now? Every PhD program I know of requires you to do research and defend a thesis on whatever time scale you can convince your advisor the work requires.
SJWs may find that demanding that people be attracted to unattractive people is a futile exercise. Genitals have a mind of their own, and care little for social justice concerns.
And yet it’s not that uncommon to hear such demands.
Just the tip, then
[ Points to Scold-O-Mat 9000. ]
[ Loads it up with sand and broken bottles. ]
They, themselves, are(is?) practicing the same sort of exclusion by declaring their own preference for men. What about those who are born women yet identify as men but are missing the gear and tackle? Shame on Caleb Luna and their exclusionary gender/sexual politics.
“I’m a queer, fat person who enjoys and seeks out sex with men, usually men who think of me as a man (and I don’t correct them).”
If I’m reading that correctly, Caleb isn’t actually biologically male.”
No, here he is referred to as “he” and mentions “his” brother
Where it gets confusing is that he (sorry, I won’t play along with his “they” horsecrap) refers to himself as a “femme” which is ordinarily a feminine lesbian, so the way I read it is this clown is so much of a soup sandwich that he is a guy who wants to have sex with men, but considers himself a feminine (that word, I think it doesn’t mean what he thinks it means) lesbian, which means he shouldn’t want to have sex with men.
From the link above, “After graduation, he plans on pursuing a Ph.D. and embarking on a career in academe.”
Of course he does.
Click at your own risk.
Some Oscar Peterson to clear the head and restore faith that their is normality in the world.
Click at your own risk.
I’m not familiar with the kind of thing I’m seeing.
The blame is always elsewhere
Haven’t we seen this before at Everyday Feminism when the editor Melissa Fabello declared how “liberating” it was to realize that none of her problems were her fault in the slightest? Or was that some other feminist who was blessed with infallibility?
Haven’t we seen this before at Everyday Feminism
Bingo. It’s practically a signature.
I’m not familiar with the kind of thing I’m seeing.
Probably for the best, but this site is loaded with similar stuff.
declared how “liberating” it was to realize that none of her problems were her fault in the slightest?
Which, even if true, doesn’t actually fix the problems.
but this site is loaded with similar stuff.
Heh. Touché.
Hmmmm.
. . . a first-year PhD student at University of California, Berkeley, . . .
Really? As noted, I was struck by the description “first year PhD student”. Are PhD’s based on curricula now?, so is there actual proof of being enrolled in a post graduate program of an actual department at Cal, or did Caleb merely wander onto campus one day?
—Oh, and for something else that doesn’t entirely ring true; I don’t know if there is some sort of formal editorial guide that Cal publishes, but Cal does tend to be rather assured about being the first campus. So as I recall, Cal’s actual formal name is The University Of California at Berkeley.
I never, not awake nor in the throes of a nightmare, thought that anything would make me able to look at things from the point of view of a fit gay man.
But you did it, David, you posted the picture of Caleb Luna. Thanks. Thanks loads. Someday I’ll learn.
Nuke the gay whales.
Related: Female bodybuilders can’t help noticing the kinds of men who find their square jaws and powerful thighs attractive tend to be odd and creepy. Even after giving themselves a pep-talk about gender norms and not-judging, they still feel disappointed and disgusted – there’s some sort of mirror being held up, and they don’t like what they see. The football players are still dating cheerleaders who’ve never done a benchpress in their lives.
On gay men playing the fat acceptance card:
We will not have true social justice until we can force people to have sex with us even when they don’t want to.
Wait, hang on, I think a couple wires got crossed here…
We will not have true social justice until we can force people to have sex with us even when they don’t want to.
On Demand and Without Apology!
I’m reminded of the old adage: “cooking lasts, kissin’ don’t.” When you’re actually in the market for a mate, physical attractiveness is often subordinated to compatibility in outlook, personality, sense of humor, etc. I’ve never used the app in question, but my guess is the focus of it is not setting people up for long-term meaningful relationships, but rather quick, mostly anonymous, bouts of mutual masturbation. That’s the sort of thing where raw physical attractiveness moves to the top of the board. It’s hard to understand why the being in question hasn’t figured that out.
And at the bottom of it all is the pathetic, sterile lust of homosexual anti-culture. It is madness to pretend these creatures have anything to say about where civilisation is headed. I don’t want to be a bad sport, but what, in the end, do they contribute to the future? Learned tomes on the subject of why no one wants to sleep with fat transvestites?
What’s worse than the Scold-O-Mat 9000 loaded with sand and broken bottles?
people using hook-up apps are for the most part hoping for
one thing orthe otherFIFY (as they say on the internet).
people using hook-up apps are for the most part hoping for
one thing orthe other[ Cue Sid James chortle. ]
Good Lord.
I clicked on the link to the Everyday Feminism site and the first thing that pops up is an ad to take a course on how to achieve healing from toxic whiteness.
The only toxic whiteness I require from that is bleach to flush out my eyes!
No, here he is referred to as “he” and mentions “his” brother
I don’t know that that’s necessarily dispositive. Considering how rapidly some parts of society have been pushing to alter language, it’s entirely possible that Luna is a woman who at previous points in her life referred to herself by male pronouns because that was the convention at the time for women trying to pass as men, but now refers to herself with plural pronouns because our language has become so degraded that that’s now considered an acceptable option.
The fact that any of this is an open question may be, as Mr. Thompson commented above, part of the reason that Luna is having trouble hooking up.
Click at your own risk.
The old adage tells us ‘there’s a lid for every pot’, but neglects to mention that in certain cases one has to be ordered in especially, or even commissioned from a bespoke manufacturer.
“That space is better used for pictures of people who actually do love and want me”
Um, Mr. Luna, I don’t know how to break it to you but Grindr is for hookups, not love.
Caleb may be dissatisfied with Grindr, but it is in fact a big time-saver for him: Back in the day, fat or middle aged gay men had to spend countless hours and days cruising porno bookstores, porno theaters, back rooms of gay bars and loading docks, looking for someone interested in giving them a blowjob. Now Caleb can do it all from the comfort of a computer desk.
Are PhD’s based on curricula now?
In the U.S., I was admitted to a doctoral program after I got my MA. The first year I was in that program I’d have called myself a “first-year PhD student.”
Didn’t complete my dissertation, so there’s no need for “Dr. Dicentra.”
Thanks for the Oscar Peterson, but I’d sure like to hear him play without the weird-ass singalong. If you ain’t my girl Ella, please stuff a sock in it, see voo play.
gay bars and loading docks,
I learn so much from these threads.