Anyone’s For A Farthing
Consider this an open thread, but with a catch. Due to my infinite cunning.
Because, yes, it’s time to remind patrons that this rickety barge, on whose seating your arses rest, is kept afloat by the kindness of strangers. If you’d like to help it remain buoyant a while longer, and remain ad-free, there are button in the sidebar with which to monetise any love. Debit and credit cards are accepted. For those wishing to express their love regularly, there’s a monthly subscription option top left. And if one-click haste is called for, my PalPay.Me page can be found here. Additionally, any Amazon UK shopping done via this link or the search widget top right, or for Amazon US via this link, results in a small fee for your host at no extra cost to you.
For newcomers wishing to know more about what’s been going on here for the last fourteen years, in over 3,000 posts and over 100,000 comments, the reheated series is a pretty good place to start – in particular, the end-of-year-summaries, which convey the fullest flavour of what it is we do. A sort of blog concentrate. If you like what you find there… well, there’s lots more of that.
If you can, do take a moment to poke through the discussion threads too. The posts are intended as starting points, not full stops, and the comments are where much of the good stuff is waiting to be found. And do please join in.
As always, thanks for the support, the comments, and the company.
Now share ye links and bicker. 
Damn your infinite cunning. 🙂
Tip jar hit.
“The Year Reheated” is one of your best features. It’s a Swiftian version of Dave Barry.
Ping!
“The Year Reheated” is one of your best features.
Well, they’re a bit of a faff to compile and so I tend to put off doing them until the last minute. But if you throw lots of leftist psychology in a big pile, you start to see its patterns. The vanities and dishonesties become harder to miss.
Tip jar hit.
Ping!
Bless you, sir, and bless you, madam. May your earbuds always be charged and positioned securely.
you start to see its patterns
Lady Cutekitten reads an awful lot of “Scary Mommy”?
Something for your trouble, barkeep.
i don’t wear earbuds, but ping! anyways…
Something for your trouble, barkeep.
i don’t wear earbuds, but ping! anyways…
Bless you, sirs. May you know the thrill of gritty styling clay, which bestows “chunky separation.”
Re earbuds, they’re a mixed blessing. They’re fairly comfortable, less obtrusive than wired headphones, and you can wander about without keeping your phone or whatever near you. But the audio quality, while generally acceptable, isn’t as good as that of high-end cabled headphones, and the latency is still an issue. Not so much with music or podcasts, etc., but when playing games, a small lag is noticeable. You can fiddle with your phone’s settings to minimise it, but still.
Long time reader, first time commenter(?), commentator(?)Neither of those seem right. Anyhoo, Ping!
Anyhoo, Ping!
Bless you, madam. Should a neighbour pass by while you’re taking delivery of an Amazon package, and should said neighbour cheerily enquire as to the treats inside the box, may you never be obliged to explain that the item in question is a rather stylish nose-hair trimmer, complete with tiny built-in torch.
May you know the thrill of gritty styling clay…
So – Vaseline, the stuff used in anti-diarrhea medications, industrial chemicals to keep it from turning into a totally greasy clump, beeswax (because “organic”, I guess), powdered rock, and something so to hide the stench.
Right, and to think people made fun of Jeri-Curl.
Oh, at it again.
and to think people made fun of Jeri-Curl.
Yes, but chunky separation. You can’t put a price on that. Well, actually, you can. About a fiver.
Kerching (and thank you).
A sort of blog concentrate.
Ah. So ensure a proper mixture before serving then, I see…
*hits Amazon for purchase*
Kerching (and thank you).
*hits Amazon for purchase*
Bless you, sirs. May your rich butter muffins be perfectly grilled and topped, generously, with brie.
About a fiver.
For 100 grams ? $0.50/100grams, a little Vaseline, a little Cool Whip (I figure you can substitute Polysorbate-80, melt a candle, some random gravel, your favorite aftershave, and Bob’s you father’s brother, maybe a fiver for a few pounds (weight, not imperial dollars) of the stuff.
“David’s Genuine Olde English Styling Gel”, sold where ever the finest nondescript bar food is sold.
butter muffins
Band name.
Also ping.
Also ping.
Bless you, sir. Should you find yourself obliged to watch a Star Trek film, may it be The Undiscovered Country, and not Star Trek Beyond.
If we don’t eat animals, there will be no animals, I guess.
D-List musicians, is there anything they don’t know ?
Tariq, at it again.
in particular, the end-of-year-summaries, which convey the fullest flavour of what it is we do. A sort of blog concentrate.
That. Thanks, barkeep. Tip jar tickled.
the finest nondescript bar food is sold
Oh, I think there are rather a lot of descriptive terms for the bar “food”.
A fiver for your troubles, barkeep. Just keep the pickled “eggs” on the far side of the bar, there’s a good lad.
Thanks, barkeep. Tip jar tickled.
A fiver for your troubles, barkeep.
Bless you, sirs. May you rediscover the pleasures of a good piccalilli.
/Inserts coin into the bless-o-matic. Listens in rapture…
[ Hangs sign above bar: “Free moisturiser!” ]
Some of you, it has to be said, are getting on in years, and there’s only so much I can do with lighting.
I’ll just leave it here, next to the dips.
/Inserts coin into the bless-o-matic. Listens in rapture…
Heh. Bless you, sir. May all of your disasters be retrospectively amusing.
If we don’t eat animals, there will be no animals, I guess.
D-List musicians, is there anything they don’t know ?
I’d forgotten about Moby until I saw that link. Maybe his public pronouncements are a desperate attempt to avoid slipping from D-List to E-List. Remember when a species of internet troll was named after him?
Lord of Light, by Roger Zelazny
“Listens in rapture…”
Fab Five Freddy told me everybody’s fly
Dj spinnin’ I said, “My My”
Flash is fast, Flash is cool
François c’est pas, Flash ain’t no dude…
Attn David? the four horsemen of the British kitchen
[takes first sip of coffee of the morning, opens computer] What have we here, a button?
Ping
Right, I’m heading out for an hour or so. Try not to feel neglected. Muffle your weeping.
What have we here, a button?
Bless you, madam. May you find a bag of wigs, if only to ponder how such a thing came to be abandoned near your neighbour’s rubbish bin.
I’ll just leave it here, next to the dips.
Dips ?!! You monster.
The preferred nomenclature is “less mentally able”
I pinged before it was cool.
[ fondles waxed mustache and adjusts problem glasses ]
A man inserted a coin into the mouth of a steel tiger…
Hail to Thee Shoes, wearers of feet.
Good, kind, noble and blessed Shoes.
Which came to us from Chaos,
To lighten our hearts and uplift our soles.
O Shoes, which have supported mankind since the dawn of civilization,
Ultimate cavities, surrounders of feet,
Hail, Wondrous, battered Buskins!
We adore Thee.
We worship Thee in the fulness of thy Shoeness!
O Archetypal footgear!
Supreme notion of Shoes.
What would we do without Thee?
Stub our toes, scratch our heels, have our arches go flat.
Protect us, Thy worshippers, good and blessed Footgear!
-Creatures of Light and Darkness, by Roger Zelazny
Future historians will pinpoint the collapse of Western Society to its collective disappointment over the slow collapse of Game Of Thrones.
Change my mind.
Game of what? 😉
bag of wigs
Band name. *kerching*
its collective disappointment over the slow collapse of Game Of Thrones.
I’m reminded of this, from an anonymous commenter at the Ace of Spades blog:
We inherited very little in the way of truly concerning things, historically speaking, and therefore seem hell-bent on creating ones out of thin air, until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tip jar hit.
*kerching*
Tip jar hit.
Bless you, madam, and bless you, sir. May your playlists impress your children.
May your playlists impress your children.
My playlists offend every close relative.
*a modest ping*
Many thanks for the entertainment and education
Between this, from yesterday
a man doesn’t complain for complaining’s sake about a problem he can’t fix, because stoic, uncomplaining endurance of the unavoidable is how he validates his own opinion of himself and how he avoids revealing weakness to possible competitors: “I’m a tough bastard for putting up with this.”
and, from above,
“I don’t think people should have strident opinions about trivialities. Children have strident opinions about trivialities.
Men don’t. Men are supposed to be wise enough to know which things are trifling, and which things deserve their concern, and express themselves accordingly.”
I think there is more insight and common sense than in many university courses.
*a modest ping*
Bless you, sir. May you never drip cashew butter oil on your second-favourite shirt, thereby downgrading it to a shirt of no importance.
[ Tries frantically to think of new blessings. Curses self for not writing a list in advance. ]
David has a rigid and unforgiving shirt hierarchy. Y’all can’t say you learned nothing today.
“Free moisturiser!”
David, have you been reading the other essays penned by our favorite put-upon housewife?
(Her other pieces mention that she worked in a NICU before becoming a stay-at-home mom, and that her two kids sleep nine hours a night. If she’s too pooped to brush her teeth, it’s nothing at all to do with her environment.)
“May you know the thrill of gritty styling clay
You monster! You FIEND! How do you know I even have HAIR?
{ – Actually I do have hair, not that I would ever put cr@p like that in it – and yeah yeah I know, “No refund, Credit note only.” ;}
I oughtta ping you twice for that!
unforgiving shirt hierarchy
Band name.
You monster! You FIEND! How do you know I even have HAIR?
Around these parts they use that same basic formula to make tiles and sculptures, so if you have no hair, but have an oven, you can make yourself a nice ceramic toupee or wig from that stuff. Make several, fire them them in different hair colors – perhaps a touch of gray for that distinguished look. You could start a trend…
The check is in the mail.
–Bad News
Value received – Kerching!
Karl, Scary Mommy is just one of the many services I offer!
Karl, Scary Mommy is just one of the many services I offer!
For visitors to this Fine Establishment? WW2 Training Film for US Soldiers | How to Behave in Britain | 1943
Oh, dear God. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rTPXRHXTXo
Oh, dear God.
You can wonder what sort of broken mind created that video, but I wonder more about the people who would enjoy it.
Will the white supremacy never end?
“They started saying something like some racial words like, ‘Asian people shouldn’t be in the Black market,’” Lee said. “We’re stealing their money.”
The video showed the women returning to the store, knocking over the displays again. Young eventually charged at Kim, punching her at least eight times. Lee said the women also scratched his face as he tried to fight them off his mother. Lee said the situation escalated when the pair nearly ran him and his father over with their vehicle in the parking lot.
@ DR: I tried to watch it, but after the first few seconds my breakfast started to rise. It’s creepy.
after the first few seconds my breakfast started to rise.
I made it to 25 seconds. Need a drink. No, two.
Oh, dear God.
And they call Trump supporters a cult?? Ye gods – there’s more creepy cult behavior in the mainstream coming from the left than I’ve ever seen from the right. Yeah, there’s some groups on the right can seem a bit culty, but it’s not mainstream right. The left does seem to want to fall in love Oedipaley with its Messianic Dear Leaders. That mishmash of metaphors is more coherent than a lot of progressive thought these days.
“You-little-Asian-girl.”
I presume that, in the eyes of intellectual giants of the Left such as Tariq, the behaviour of the two behemoths in the beauty salon was not racist or violent. The two huge creatures were just ‘expressing’ themselves as behemoths are wont to do.
Oh Dear God
I managed 20 seconds before I felt convulsions coming on.
It must be a parody, right?
Right?!
Test
The check is in the mail.
Value received – Kerching!
Bless you. When playing Hades’ Star, may you never forget to mute your notifications, resulting in a high-drama against-the-clock raiding mission – involving vast alien battleships and an impending supernova – being repeatedly punctuated by cheery WhatsApp messages about a dog-training video that your father-in-law has shared.
may you never forget to mute your notifications,
I feel your pain.
*ping*
I feel your pain.
It helps if you picture Sigourney Weaver wrestling with the cooling unit at the end of Alien. NOT NOW, ADORABLE PUPPY!
*ping*
Bless you, sir. May your online purchases always fit.
And thanks to all who’ve chipped in so far, including all those much too shy to say hello, or who’ve subscribed, or done shopping via the Amazon links. It’s what keeps this place here and is much appreciated.
It briefly softens my blackened heart. So there’s that.
https://youtu.be/ejqSj4wXaqo
I see your Ariel and raise you a Wicked.
Even more vomit-inducing (and I’m bloody sure it’s serious).
Ping eh! (Canadianized version)
*clears bar tab*
*orders large gin*
Ping eh!
*clears bar tab*
Bless you, sir, and bless you, madam. When loading groceries into the boot or back seat, may the shopping trolley remain motionless, and not start rolling at speed towards the nearest expensive car.
You have ping-age. Should just about cover the bar tab.
I see your Ariel and raise you a Wicked.
Fascinating, popular equals competent in Woketopia now, and so popular she was [checks notes] first one eliminated in the primaries.
Not a cult. Nosireebob.
You have ping-age. Should just about cover the bar tab.
Bless you, sir. When the end of lockdown is announced, and hairdressers make lists of their customers with a view to arranging appointments, may your name be at the top. Heavily underlined.
Golly, Piper Paul, how long did that compilation take you? But worth it, just to see (a) the massive creativity and inventiveness of our gracious host, and (b) the pitiable frustrations and minor tragedies he suffers on a daily basis.
Perhaps a ping! will console him.
Perhaps a ping! will console him.
My life is an endless, heroic struggle against expired condiments, bin liners, and overly mobile shopping trollies.
And bless you, madam. May your vertical stacking system, a cunning innovation intended to optimise storage space, never fail at a critical moment, resulting in a loud clattering and an air of silent, but quite intense, judgment.
When the end of lockdown is announced, and hairdressers make lists of their customers with a view to arranging appointments, may your name be at the top. Heavily underlined.
It’s funny you should say that. I have such a resplendent mane of lockdown hair, to the point where my hair is now longer than my mother’s – she had one of the last salon appointments before the lockdown – and I can’t wait to be rid of it. While I like my hair on the long side, the current state of it is nothing short of ridiculous.
Even more vomit-inducing (and I’m bloody sure it’s serious).
I’m starting to think it is a competition.
Lickety, rickety … Ping!
(Cheers from Hong Kong)
Ping!
Lickety, rickety … Ping!
Ping!
Bless you, sirs. May your airtight plastic containers retain their seal integrity.
airtight plastic containers
Tupperware contacts the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe…
Tupperware contacts the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe…
I’m not convinced that the accepted standard of air-tightness would be adequate during, say, a space battle.
never fail at a critical moment, resulting in a loud clattering
Thank goodness it was only a loud clattering and not a loud shattering!
This reminds me a I have a rather extensive list of purchases I need to make, and room on the credit card in which to make them. To the portal!
Veganism is now racist. Please update your files and lifestyles accordingly:
https://twitter.com/stillgray/status/1375055435342880768
This reminds me I have a rather extensive list of purchases I need to make, and room on the credit card in which to make them. To the portal!
Shop like the wind. And bless you. May your phone always be posher than the phones your nephews and nieces have.
Good to know the condition is temporary. There is only so much interruption of the natural order the universe can handle.
Only ‘white veganism’.
Though how one determines the colour of a dietary preference is left unexplained.
Veganism is now racist.
Indeed, though I am fairly certain the idiots in that video are just saying those words because they think they are supposed to, but have no clue what they really mean.
Meanwhile, O&G informs us crossword puzzles are racist too.
Literally shaking.
Ping! Just paid my bar bill, David. Congratulate me on taking the momentous step of reactivating a long-dormant PayPal account.
O&G informs us crossword puzzles are racist too.
A topic touched on here.
The author of the piece, Natan Last – the one claiming that crossword puzzles are one of “the systemic forces that threaten women” – is, needless to say, a bit of a twat.
Just paid my bar bill, David.
Bless you, sir. Should a nephew ask what a “fax machine” was, may you be amused, and not feel ancient.
No, what really makes me feel ancient is when they ask what a teletype is, or what that round thing is on the face of an old telephone.
[ pauses to massage liniment into creaky joints ]
Meanwhile, O&G informs us crossword puzzles are racist too.
Correction: what really makes me feel old is that I remember when The Atlantic was run by sane people who didn’t hate America.