An Eighteen-Year Project
In the Sydney Morning Herald, proud feminist and former educator Polly Dunning shares her experience of motherhood:
I’ve always been a feminist. I’m lucky. My mother, Jane Caro, is a feminist, as is my grandmother, and both always have been. It’s something I’ve never questioned and always felt confident and strident about. Just ask me about it at a dinner party (if you dare…)
Setting aside the prospect of some horrendous dinner parties, note Ms Dunning’s satisfaction with a set of assumptions that are stridently voiced and “never questioned.”
Motherhood has been quite a confronting experience for my feminism so far, and I'm sure it will continue to be. Ever since discovering I was pregnant it’s been a process of adjusting and reconciling my biology with my ideology, particularly when I discovered that my baby, my most-beloved Alfred, would be a boy.
That little red light is a warning sign.
I had never wanted a son. In fact, I had decidedly not wanted one. I wanted daughters, probably because I am one of two daughters and six granddaughters, no sons or grandsons. This seemed altogether to fit in with my feminism better… There were dark moments in the middle of the night (when all those dark thoughts come), when I felt sick at the thought of something male growing inside me.
Yes, I know. The little red light is flashing now. Best cover it with a towel.
In this patriarchal world, this world where even the best men (and women, for that matter) engage in casual and ingrained sexism, how will I raise a son who respects me the way a daughter would?
Oh sweet naïveté. But thank goodness that Ms Dunning, who “felt sick” at even the thought of “something male” growing inside her, is totally opposed to all that “casual and ingrained sexism.”
How do you raise a white, middle-class boy not to think his own experience is the default experience of the world? How do you counter a society that makes things easier for him than for others, and make him see it? See how it is for women, for people of colour?
At this point, readers may wonder if the boy, and later, a young man, will be spending quite a lot of time as grist to the feminist mill, being dutifully reconstructed as a tool with which to “counter” a “patriarchal” society. Which possibly casts doubt on the assumption that his life will be made particularly easy.
Raising a boy who maintains the status quo sure would be easy, but I refuse to be satisfied with that. I will raise a feminist boy. Just like his father and grandfathers before him, but even better. I will point sexism out to him at every turn, and he will never get away with it without being called out.
At every turn. The time will just fly.
I will show him that… products and art targeted at [girls] are no less valuable or enjoyable.
“But mom, I wanted Lego for Christmas.”
He will be immersed in feminism by a family who models it in their everyday life.
Despite the term family, Ms Dunning’s article makes scant mention of any male influence on her son’s life. Just the one sentence quoted above. An oversight, I’m sure. And I suppose it’s good to know that, despite not wanting a son, decidedly not wanting one, because such a disappointment wouldn’t “fit in” with her feminism – and despite being nauseated by the thought of a male baby – Ms Dunning will now have a new political project. One lasting the better part of two decades, with endless opportunities to “call out” any sexism or heresy the boy might display, any incorrect inclination, any untoward maleness. Perhaps mother and son will bond via the medium of dogmatic scolding.
Via Ben Sixsmith.
It’s been said before, most recently about the MTV “White Guys Suck” video, but were you to replace ‘feminism’ with say ‘Christianity’ in the article, Ms Dunning herself would be the very first to denounce the mother as a hateful ideologue.
Must be what happens when you never question your assumptions.
“but were you to replace ‘feminism’ with say ‘Christianity’ in the article,”
Or, you know, replace anything male with “homosexual” and see how that reads.
What’s that I see coming rapidly through the intellectual fog? Why, it’s the headlight of an onrushing train, the 10:20 “Youthful Rebellion” from Uterus, bound for points unknown.
Ms Dunning is currently being pleased by readers expressing dismay at her views.
The kid better hope he can find a good male psychologist when he hits adulthood.
Ever since discovering I was pregnant it’s been a process of adjusting and reconciling my biology with my ideology, particularly when I discovered that my baby, my most-beloved Alfred, would be a boy
If your ideology makes you *feel sick* at the thought of having a baby boy it sounds like it’s the ideology that’s the problem.
If your ideology makes you *feel sick* at the thought of having a baby boy it sounds like it’s the ideology that’s the problem.
And yet that very same ideology is what Ms Dunning wishes to imprint, “at every turn,” on her child.
Won’t be easy, seeing as you are drowning in miscomprehension.
The poor unlucky little bastard.
This is child abuse. Every bit as much as this is:
https://t.co/4HNM5YJe2c
I had never wanted a son. In fact, I had decidedly not wanted one. I wanted daughters, probably because I am one of two daughters and six granddaughters, no sons or grandsons. This seemed altogether to fit in with my feminism better… There were dark moments in the middle of the night (when all those dark thoughts come), when I felt sick at the thought of something male growing inside me.
Why would you put that on the internet under your own name? Some shrink is going to make a fortune off this poor kid.
Why would you put that on the internet under your own name?
Where your son may one day read it.
Is this another of Godfrey Elfwick’s spoofs? It’s so hard to tell.
Despite the term family, Ms Dunning’s article makes scant mention of any male influence on her son’s life.
Why do I get the impression that, even if she is married and the biological father lives with them, her son will still be devoid of any male influence?
If only her husband/significant other/life partner/baby daddy/whatever were called “Kruger”….
I felt sick at the thought of something male growing inside me.
But feminism is nothing to do with bashing men.
“I felt sick at the thought of something male growing inside me.” So — turkey baster?
Even if it were a Godfrey Elfwick production, there’s Jody Allard, whose severely depressed teenage son seems to have been on the receiving end of much righteous indoctrination..
The personal becomes political and then cruises right into pathology. Eighteen years isn’t enough time, I fear, to pass all of it on to her poor son.
at least she didn’t abort the poor little guy…
respects me the way a daughter would
How can she be sure that a daughter would, automagically, respect her? Respect is something to be earned, not indoctrinated.
Raising a boy who maintains the status quo sure would be easy, but I refuse to be satisfied with that. I will raise a feminist boy. Just like his father and grandfathers before him, but even better. I will point sexism out to him at every turn, and he will never get away with it without being called out.
And that boy grew up to be……
Some more feminist parenting in action.
So she’s totally against sexism but she “felt sick” at just the thought of “having something male growing inside me”…?
To be fair, if the baby were a girl, I’d feel sorry for her, too. Equality!
So she’s totally against sexism but she “felt sick” at just the thought of “having something male growing inside me”…?
I suppose you have to marvel at how some people can build a political persona around quite dissonant ideas in very close proximity.
Why is it that I think she’ll drive her child to some atrocity, and the whole way through picture herself as Tilda Swinton in We Need to Talk About Kevin? She’ll be seeing each and every rebellion or hint of acting normal as her child being evil, evil!, and will never ask herself any questions, because… well, her child is male. He’s not one of the good ones. There was nothing she could have done.
Some more feminist parenting in action.
The captions are gold – so many cliches, so little time.
Shawna and Beezus guide the group down the 14th Ave South parade route on Sep. 17. The Clinton cardboard cutout was wrapped in plastic for rain protection
We must protect the Holy Icon.
Right, 9 year old knows she is a lesbian. You really have to go read the whole train wreck of psychopathology Jonathan linked, the sad part is that these people think they are a) normal, and b) mainstream middle America.
It reads like Rosemary’s Baby.
I think Dunning will discover that children are not blank slates waiting to be formed into whatever shape that their parents choose, but rather that boys will be boys.
The Clinton cardboard cutout was wrapped in plastic for rain protection
I think when people were referring to Hillary as a bag lady that’s not what they meant.
she prefers the term “childcare” over “day care.”
This is the same facile and pretentious “question everything” idiocy that has some, no lie, objecting to the use of “handicapped parking” as a term because the parking itself is not handicapped. Or the ever popular “a person cannot be illegal”.
No. “day care” – “daytime care of children”, as opposed to nighttime care. “Handicapped parking” – “parking for those who are handicapped”. The “handicapped” (adjective as noun, not unusual). “Illegal immigrant”->”illegal”, someone who has not immigrated legally, and an adjective as noun. See also “he who commits criminal acts” ->”criminal”.
These people think that their lack of parsing simple English coupled with their need to bicker and argue means that they are revolutionary and clever. Quite the opposite, it is a display of utter shrieking ignorance and inability or unwillingness to learn. They are incurious, belligerent, and it’s your problem, somehow.
They. Are. Children.
Anna comments: “If your ideology makes you *feel sick* at the thought of having a baby boy it sounds like it’s the ideology that’s the problem.”
And I agree, but if you read it carefully it’s worse. She said she had to “adjust” and to “reconcile her biology with her ideology” when she discovered she was pregnant. That exclusively female condition was cause enough for her feminist complaint. It just got worse when she discovered what was growing inside her was a boy.
Some more feminist parenting in action.
Oddly enough, what comes to mind is the cliché of an overbearing mother who steers her six-year-old daughter into intensely competitive juvenile beauty pageants. There’s something similar about the dynamic.
The woman in the article has lived a life of such safety and freedom from want that she cannot think of a case where her son might need every advantage that he can get in order to survive or prosper.
“yarn addict”
How very stereotypically FEMALE of her.
Or am I inadvertently dissing the coterie of male knitters and crochet-connoisseurs that haunt this blog?
the coterie of male knitters and crochet-connoisseurs
I must admit to liking to tie knots and wanting to get into knitting for the hell of it, but my project cars and video games and reading haven’t left me much time.
reconciling my biology with my ideology
This would be interesting, as the “biology” boils down to it being a male is a modified female optimised for spreading genes, so she’ll begin to experience the biological urge to encourage her son to sow oats as far and wide as possible, after all, how you going to get those feminist genes out there?
“yarn addict”
Wait, that doesn’t mean a teller of tall tales or one that likes to listen to them?
“at least she didn’t abort the poor little guy…”
When she gets through with him, he’ll probably wish that she had…
Look on the bright side. If Lefties are voluntarily destroying their own families with psychotic nonsense, it’ll be a one generation phenomenon.
And hey, by the time the baby boy grows up, there will be robot caretakers to wipe the drool off his chin.
That photo essay on the “progressive” parents…ugh. Their house smells like old cabbage and sweat and patchouli, I can just tell. And hauling young kids to a political parade, then making the 11-year-old LEAD the parade? Shouting with such an angry face? I just…feel very tired and sad about this family’s kids.
Love how that parade photo is composed. How many people in that “parade”, exactly?
Oh, after taking the plunge and looking at all the photos in that link, I see there’s a pic with about 20-30 people in a parade. My bad. Didn’t realize HRC had such massive support.
“at least she didn’t abort the poor little guy…”
Installment plan, apparently.
Or am I inadvertently dissing the coterie of male knitters and crochet-connoisseurs that haunt this blog?
[ Surveys room, raises eyebrow. ]
Oh I dunno. They can’t all be brigands, pirates and alcoholics. There may be one or two who lean towards the, er, woollen arts.
…woollen arts.
Alas, this gets us back to yesterday.
There may be one or two who lean towards the, er, woollen arts.
knitting guilds, exclusively male
That I did not know.
[ Slides slice of cake along bar. ]
One must take up flint knapping or welding to convince others to keep the distance.
Mothers should keep balms and salves available for the unfortunate.
If one has a mean sister then pound the dolls into swords.
Men at work. Not safe.
mmmm…. come for the conversation, stay for the cake…
Darleen
On other topics, whatever happened to ProteinWisdom?
If she dislikes men that much, how come she got pregnant in the first place?
The poor kid will be shipped off for gender transitioning before he has time to play with his barbie doll.
neal: Or subtly encourage one’s daughter to an interest in “pointy, clangy things”, as my own put it.
It was a balanced interest, too. She was just as interested in chainmaille armor and shields, as she was in swords and knives.
I sometimes wonder what her male schoolmates thought of all that…
If she dislikes men that much, how come she got pregnant in the first place?
In Vino Veritas?
What happens if the poor lad gets a sister. Will she discard him because she now has the one she wanted all along.
Ms Dunning’s lack of self awareness really is something special. While it might be amusing to poke fun at her now I fear what the future holds for any child in her presence.
About nine in ten youth suicides are boys. Ms Dunning is “raising” a future statistic.
How on earth did this woman manage to get impregnated in the first place? She bloody well didn’t seem to mind having something male inside of her at some point in the whole process!
Her son will sadly turn out to be a virulent misogynist (not that one could blame him…with such a female as his archetype for what women are). That is if he manages to survive.
It would likely be good for her to have a daughter (I have a a few, and a son) — that way she can learn what mothers learn all along: daughters generally wind up closer to their dads, and sons to their mothers for a reason (we tend to have the most conflicts with our parental units of the same gender as us, as familiarity breeds contempt).
This also makes the case for why a two parent, cisnormative household is probably better for children.
My husband (by the way) likes to knit and crochet. His mother taught him one very blizzardy period in his youth, when he was home from school and the conditions were not safe for anyone to go outside. He says it’s very relaxing. I don’t have a problem with it because the result has been several nice, warm blankets (we still live in an area that can get blizzardy…in spite of all that global warming that’s supposedly taking place).
The guy did all the normal boy stuff back in the day, and he was an Army Ranger and combat vet…and doesn’t worry about losing his man card.
My mom liked to work on old cars…still did all the normal girl stuff (it was really just a branch of her love of antiquing, and her dad was a mechanic)…hobby choice is really a matter of personal taste and experience.
They can’t all be brigands, pirates and alcoholics.
I’ll have another pot of Lapsang Souchong . . .
Oh dear. If we thought dear Polly’s nonsense was lunacy, this just might top it.
This article explores the relationship between breastfeeding and identity in lesbian-identified families based on a pilot study of qualitative interviews and a short survey of six lesbian families in Canada and the United States. Although breastfeeding is assumed to be “natural” and a biological function, we problematize the practice as both gendered and heteronormative. In our research we found that breastfeeding has a complex role to play within the construction of one’s identity as a mother, of one’s gender, and of one’s sexual orientation. These women’s experiences offer interesting insights into the nebulous boundaries of biology and the ways in which assumptions about what is “natural” are actually social and cultural constructions.
Uhhh, “problematize” what???
via Ace, where coblogger CDB suggests “This May Be Peak Lunacy!” Ah, no, surely some delusional feminist academic will cough up something even wackier next week.
Criminy, it looks like the spam filter is misbehaving again.
former educator Polly Dunning….I felt sick at the thought of something male growing inside me.
I’m confident she was even-handed and unprejudiced when dealing with her young students. It’s comforting to know that the boys and girls of the next generation are being educated by the finest our culture has to offer.
Surely we live in the best of all possible worlds!
Most kids that are raised by parents like this will become extremely feminized. At some point, however, one will reject the conditioning (hard), and my bet is on that kid to be the next dictator of some western nation.
I see lots of piercings and tattoos in this child’s future, or whatever replaces them as the silent screams at crappy parents.
If Miss Dunning wanted something to mould into shape, she could’ve just stuck to Play-doh.
Ms Dunning is currently being pleased by readers expressing dismay at her views.
‘This account’s tweets are protected’.
‘This account’s tweets are protected’.
Ah. We’ll no longer be able to watch Ms Dunning dismissing even civil criticism as “trolling,” while congratulating herself on having aroused dismay.
Though dismay or something like it is hard to avoid when the gist of Ms Dunning’s article is that she loves her baby son despite her feminist assumptions, which initially left her nauseated by even the thought of gestating a male baby – a male baby she assumed wouldn’t “fit in” with her politics. Hardly a resounding validation of the feminist ideology she now wishes to imprint on him, while pointing out his sexism “at every turn.”
The rotten apple doesn’t fall far from the rotten tree.
Thanks for the comment jailbreak, David. 😉
Thanks for the comment jailbreak, David. 😉
She’s a mercurial creature, the spam filter. But be careful what you say. She may be listening, even now.
Beezus huddles with Christian at the Stomp the Patriarchy Ball, an event for pro-choice organization, Shout Your Abortion.
Alternatively known as…..
‘The Final De-Knackering of All Girlie Boys in the Family. Or Neighborhood.
Why not call such parenting style as Making Certain The Next Crop of Bad Boys Have Even Easier Time in Targeting and Bedazzling Our Over Protected and Propagandised daughters?
Viva The Teenage Rebellion. Unless these kids have had all the vibrant spirit of real rebellion drained by this leech like parenting.
The best outcome for Ms Dunning and little Alfie is that this feminist actually develops some empathy for Boys and Men.
Fingers crossed.
She’s a mercurial creature, the spam filter.
Oh noes! You’ve done it again, David.
Oh noes! You’ve done it again, David.
Sorry, I’m still reeling from Heather telling us about the erotic magnetism of her fancy bras.
Shout Your Abortion
Lena Dunham: “I still haven’t had an abortion, but I wish I had.” Stupid half-wit.
I felt sick at the thought of something male growing inside me.
Why do I get the feeling that sex with Polly might be somewhat less than joyful?
And what kind of man marries into this kind of nonsense?
And what kind of man marries into this kind of nonsense?
a) He was raised by a strident feminist
b) He’s into self-abasement
c) She’s the bread-winner
Whatever, poor little Alfie stands no chance.
Re men knitting, some of us old-school Yanks may remember Penn State/LA Rams lineman, Kennedy family body guard and RFK assassin subduer, and general all-around gentle-giant/tough guy Rosie Grier was known to knit-one-purl-two…
Forgot the source…lest anyone accuse me of “fake”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosey_Grier#Professional_career
“delusional feminist academic”
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It is fun to imagine that the children of these loons might rebel, as children do, by becoming Christian conservatives.
Warms the cockles.
The pendulum doth swing.
Farnsworth M Muldoon:
“Right, 9 year old knows she is a lesbian.”
You probably don’t want to read this, then:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/transgender-bill-trudeau-government-1.3585522
Take away sentence:
“Wilson-Raybould [cabinet minister – SW] was joined by Charlie Lowthian Rickert, a 10-year-old transgender girl, whom she described as “wise beyond her years.””
I meant to add to the above…
Parents have drawn the attention of various Child Protective Services for letting a 10 year old go to the playground alone, but apparently planning to have one’s plumbing messed with is just fine.
@ SW & His Eminence Muldoon.
The fact that children who’ve yet to master long division are deemed competent to make such life-changing decisions is truly astounding. Why not turn over management of one’s retirement portfolios to the nearest third grader, too?
Sometimes I wonder how much of this lunacy is driven by the Mau-Mauing parents receive from other SJW types. So much do they fear banishment from the Progressive court, that they willingly sacrifice their own children’s mental and emotional futures.
Spiny Norman: that paper is essentially a bunch of academic lesbians complaining about being mammals.
@R. Sherman: A lot of the adult trans types wish they could have “transitioned” in childhood so they could have grown up as the opposite sex as well and never had developed secondary sex characteristics and build, to the point where they can get a bit loopy about it. Exactly what portion of “early childhood transexual” boundary pushing is from that phenomenon and how much is due to adults wanting a cool mascot child and Munchhausen’s-ing their child is an exercise for psychologists.
Regardless whether the basis is more often vicarious on behalf of troubled adults or Munchhausen’s on behalf of demented parents, who can say, but there’s certainly an ontological problem involved – how would one ID that a “sexual identity” problem exists without even the merest hint of a puberty-driven development of one?
This does not prove that transsexualism (or certainly, dysphoria) does not exist, but it means that our identification thereof is poor to nonexistent, and the proposed solution is not a valid answer, leaving entirely too much weight in the hands of a mental *and sexual* incompetent – a child. Even if one were to acknowledge the broader “born with female brain” etc. etc. claims that are made, the burden is theirs to find another means than a child’s say-so. The moral hazard of any kind of hormonal tampering or more subject to whimsy or easy leading is in all respects enormous, and to pretend otherwise is, in a word, evil.
No more tomboys, no more quiet mama’s boys, except that every girl child must live as a tomboy and every boy child must live as a quiet mama’s boy – with the only distinction being that if the child enjoys it too much they belong on the other side of the little sorting game. I seem to recall a quip about equal sharing of misery…
“how would one ID that a “sexual identity” problem exists without even the merest hint of a puberty-driven development of one?”
That’s a question I’ve always had on this issue. Why isn’t it being seriously discussed at length in the media instead of non-stop shrieking about “rights”?
You probably don’t want to read this, then:
Nothing insane from Little Potato’s administration would surprise me.
That’s a question I’ve always had on this issue. Why isn’t it being seriously discussed at length in the media instead of non-stop shrieking about “rights”?
They identify some melange of childhood trauma, ordinary exposure to the strange ways of the opposite sex, and whatever other portions of childhood played into their adult development in that way, and conclude (perhaps with a heavy confirmation bias) that they were always the opposite sex, it’s just their body that’s wrong. Difficult to prove, but it makes the wish fulfillment into one about having never had the other body in the first place.
Therefore, an “innocent” sexual identification with anything of the male or female must indicate direction toward one or the other in puberty, because, see, they were always the other. There is a constructed narrative that demands the increase of the sexualization of pre-puberty childhood identity because it’s necessary for the myth.
Sexualization beyond girl toys/boy toys, simple “pre-selecting” based on sex role – smoothed over into all aspects of identity and the raw physical matters of sexual practice. Sex is identity, even if the sex doesn’t match. Prog determinism.
Being in the tiniest bit unusual must be identified and encouraged *in the most sexual way possible*, because that indicates that the child *must be* “really” a girl or a boy, rather than, say, a boy who likes something about fabrics or a girl who likes things that go fast. And thus, a self-fulfilling prophecy is born. Prog determinism.
On other topics, whatever happened to ProteinWisdom?
A hacker, presumably a Trump supporter, corrupted the whole blog with some malware. PixyMisa, who hosted the blog, has scurried under the couch and hasn’t responded to multiple pings and even offers of Cash Money (from me) to untangle the thing and get it back online.
The posts are available on the Wayback Machine but the comments are not, and some of the best stuff is in the comment sections.
familiarity breeds contempt
A nit to pick: That saying applies to master/servant relationships, reminding the master to keep his lessers at a proper social distance–not to get chummy with the help–because such familiarity would lead the servants to hold his master in contempt.
My husband (by the way) likes to knit and crochet. … He says it’s very relaxing.
Glad he’s able to enjoy the hobby without being hampered by “that’s girl stuff.”
It is fun to imagine that the children of these loons might rebel, as children do, by becoming Christian conservatives.
There’s a documentary series called “Absolutely Fabulous” that chronicles just such a dynamic.
Nothing insane from Little Potato’s administration would surprise me.
The Canadians I know refer to him as PM Zoolander.
There’s a documentary series called “Absolutely Fabulous” that chronicles just such a dynamic.
[ Tiered cake stand slides along bar, stacked high with iced fancies. ]
“Nothing insane from Little Potato’s administration would surprise me.”
Can someone explain the Little Potato meme to me? I see it at Kate’s, but the commentariat here may have a broader perspective.
@ Piper, Spork et al.
See, e.g. this aggregation of commentary following the publication of a peer reviewed journal article from Johns Hopkins university. As one would imagine, the reaction from the “pro-trans” community was rather shrill, including accusations of endangering kids. Evidently the truth of the conclusions is irrelevant.
Can someone explain the Little Potato meme to me?
The Chinese called him that, he took it as a compliment. It wasn’t.
“The Chinese called him that, he took it as a compliment. It wasn’t.”
Thanks. {Shakes head}
Anybody else think that The Boy managed a perfect storm of screw-up over Castro’s death? First he sends out a gag-inducing tribute, and then says he’s not going to the funeral of his dad’s Best Pal Ever because the mean kids are going to be mean to him.
Hell, in that situation, Pierre would have grown an extra pair of hands just so he could flip everyone the bird with four fingers.
“How on earth did this woman manage to get impregnated in the first place? She bloody well didn’t seem to mind having something male inside of her at some point in the whole process!”
DO pay attention. Pre-op transexual identifying as woman has sex with a woman, that’s a lesbian affair in the world where these people dwell.
“Can someone explain the Little Potato meme to me? I see it at Kate’s, but the commentariat here may have a broader perspective.”
Here’s the background from Kate http://www.smalldeadanimals.com/2016/09/oh-shiny-potato.html
“Here’s the background from Kate”
Oh my frelling Dog…