Modern Romance
One for Julia, I think. From the pages of the South Wales Evening Post:
Former alcoholic Mike Holpin, of Ebbw Vale, was criticised after admitting he did not even know the names of some of his kids.
In fairness, Mr Holpin is thought to have sired “around 40” children via 20 different women, and hence the inevitable difficulty recalling their names. Or indeed their whereabouts.
Mike, 56, has been receiving benefits for 13 years and admits to spending his £195 a week handouts on his 20-a-day smoking habit, as well as owning games consoles and widescreen TVs.
Happily, a new tenderness has blossomed in Mike’s life.
Diane Morris, 46, has a 28-year-old son from a previous relationship and met Mike through [online dating service] Plenty Of Fish in 2012. She said: “His profile on Plenty of Fish might be active but I know Mike wouldn’t dream of cheating on me. I had been single for years and I was instantly attracted to Mike. He had lovely blue eyes and he was so charming and witty.
And so,
Diane met the former fairground worker – favourite chat-up line: “Fancy a rump?” – a few weeks later.
You can’t fight that kind of magnetism.
“Mike and I have a great sex life. It used to be once a day when we got together but now we are at it like every other day.”
Good to know.
The pair are now inseparable and spend their days watching horror films and going for long walks.
I think that covers everything.
Via PootBlog.
I think it’s just sinking in.
http://www.southwales-eveningpost.co.uk/images/localworld/ugc-images/276352/binaries/WNS_210415_Hoplin_Dad_40_02.JPG
‘So what if he’s been married three times before but I know this time it is forever.’
All you need to know, really.
And here was I thinking “Idiocracy” was fiction. By the way, if he is/was an alcoholic on 20 a day, how did he get it up so often? (Just asking in a purely hypothetical sort of way, of course)
By the way, if he is/was an alcoholic on 20 a day, how did he get it up so often? (Just asking in a purely hypothetical sort of way, of course)
Almost certainly by using publicly-funded Viagra. Your taxes in action.
The pair are now inseparable and spend their days
watching horror filmsliving a horror film and going for long walks.“Fancy a rump?”
Nothing trumps old-school sophistication when it comes to courtship.
Those awful, oppressive and much-maligned bourgeois values are looking pretty good right now.
Yeah, but he was great in those Road Warrior films. You can’t take that away from him.
It’s all a bit League of Gentlemen.
Apparently, some of his offspring’s birth certificates, in the section marked “father”, read: “The bloke off the dodgems”.
It’s all a bit “League of Gentlemen”.
Before they settled on Hadfield in Derbyshire, they did some location scouting in my home town of Bacup, but decided it was far too weird even by their standards.
My Dad knows the names of all his kids, he just doesn’t appear to know which name is attached to which kid. For years he’s addressed us by a list of the siblings’ names, presumably so we start paying attention when we hear our own.
That’s why former boxing champion turned countertop grill pitchman George Foreman named all his sons “George”.
Wouldn’t touch her with a barge pole
In fairness, the poor guy comes from “Ebbw Vale”. I’m surprised he knows the name of his own city.
Tim Newman: my mother did the same. Each child was called “Dee, Fred, Elke, Dom”. The odd thing was, Elke was our dog.
“Fancy a rump?”
Well, that’s a little more than romantic than ‘Do you drop ’em?’
40 brats by 20 different women?
He’s not a father, he’s a pollinator.
Glad I pay my taxes in Spain!
Went to the paper for a good look.
I shall send the link to my sons. They need a good rôle model!
Sorry BritInMontreal, but I wouldn’t touch her with YOUR barge pole.
Well, he does kinda look like Mel Gibson. But I reckon his charm is more akin to that of Nick Tortelli from Cheers.
Each child was called “Dee, Fred, Elke, Dom”. The odd thing was, Elke was our dog.
I think busy parents see children as having more in common with dogs than adults, and so lump them all together to save time.
It’s at times like this I appreciate being an only child.
My mother never fails to confuse my name with my youngest sister’s (I’ve got another one closer in age). She always prefixes our names with the first syllable of the other’s.
But only when we’re within 100 miles of each other. When mom visits me, the prefix drops off.
That photo sent shivers down my spine.
(the bad kind)
I’m reminded of the opening pages of MASH Mania.
—The entire series being quite recommended, btw, and if you toggle David’s Amazon link, either US or UK, he gets a cut . . .
I know this is kinda a classless thing to say but hey I’m apparently oppressing the whole world with my white wang so may as well enjoy it.
So just hit your jar for 50GPBTSD (not sure what your money acronym is) but it came out to 77$. Sorry its not more but my monthly patriarchy check doesn’t arrive until the first day of the month.
Leaving me naught else to say but to the original point, is there a $ amount whereby if we reached it collectively you would do your hair like a Laurie penny picture of our choice?
So just hit your jar
Bless you, sir. May you never be short of deodorant.
is there a $ amount whereby if we reached it collectively you would do your hair like a Laurie Penny picture of our choice?
Heh. I didn’t see that coming. Yes, there probably is, which is a worrying thought, but I’d guess it’s a very large number indeed.
Right, I’m out of here. Time to see Age of Ultron.
Well, to his credit he doesn’t, unlike the founder of Earth Day, kill and compost his girlfriends:
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/42711922/ns/technology_and_science-science/t/earth-day-co-founder-killed-composted-girlfriend/
When Philadelphia police questioned Einhorn about her mysterious disappearance several weeks later, he claimed that she had gone out to the neighborhood co-op to buy some tofu and sprouts and never returned.
“She went to the co-op to buy tofu and sprouts, man.”
Bean sprouts, surely? Do hippies eat sprouts?
“going for long walks.”
Considering that Ms Morris is visibly ‘big boned’ might I suggest longer walks?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3051977/Anger-anti-racism-rally-banned-white-people-attending.html
white people and men are banned from ‘anti-racism’ rally at British university by its own student union DIVERSITY OFFICER
It’s so tiring having to get angry when people criticise obesity:
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/23/jamelia-fat-people-loose-women
Right, I’m out of here. Time to see Age of Ultron.
No fair! It’s not showing here yet (“here” being Texas).
No fair! It’s not showing here yet (“here” being Texas).
You may want to temper your expectations a little. It’s not a great film. More a film with lots of great bits.
What are the statistical odds of such a perfect pair-bonding occurring by chance?
You may want to temper your expectations a little. It’s not a great film. More a film with lots of great bits.
I can live with that. I don’t go to superhero flicks for enlightenment or coherence. I go for the explosions and face-smashing:-)
I’m genuinely speechless!
I’m genuinely speechless!
Well, of course you are—This is a text and visual based interface . . . !
is there a $ amount whereby if we reached it collectively you would do your hair like a Laurie Penny picture of our choice?
“Heh. I didn’t see that coming. Yes, there probably is, which is a worrying thought, but I’d guess it’s a very large number indeed. ”
Ha then let the games begin! I will begin picture hunting 🙂
Thanks. Thanks a lot. Now I need to go bleach my eyeballs.