Friday Ephemera
BattleTop GalactiGun. Smell the Eighties. // 70 billion farts a day. “And roughly 10 of those are yours.” // Orson Welles meets the Twilight Zone. // Walking cane of note. // Karen Straughan was interviewed by the BBC. // Keyboard of note. // Making kokeshi dolls. // Things to do with nails. // What astronauts see. // Shavings. // Satiregram. // The cat petting simulator is ideal for people with allergies. // Pondering testes. // Improbable architecture. // The Marxists’ apartment. // Juggling luminous balls while in a large plastic cone. // For the ladies, giant man-hands. // How big? This big. // Bad translator. // More fog in Dubai. // Flirting via text. // And finally, the long-awaited dog squat detection system – for when you need to know exactly where your dog has had a shit.
the long-awaited dog squat detection system
Bravo, sir.
Karen Straughan was interviewed by the BBC.
Thanks for that, David. When did it get aired?
What astronauts see.
What astronauts saw.
Pondering testes.
Rather takes balls, that.
When did it get aired?
I don’t know. I haven’t found the finished broadcast. You may want to email Karen for details. The interview’s an hour long and when I found it I was pressed for time and wasn’t planning to listen to it all, but I sort of got sucked in. There are some interesting factoids along the way, and I can’t help feeling the interviewer gets more than he bargained for. It’s also worth it f0r Karen’s noting of several shifting and nebulous feminist definitions and, subsequently, the phrase “sword-fighting a fart.”
BattleTop GalactiGun
Shows up how good the Bear McCreary music was. 🙂
Absolutely.
The cat petting simulator is ideal for people with allergies.
What if you can’t handle the pressure of the simulator?
Battlestar Galactica : I can’t help thinking that if the human race was under threat and had to survive – then their last-ditch effort to continue might include, well y’know, having lots of babies and the primary baby makers definitely not allowed to:
a) go out and get blown up by zillions of Cylons in an apparently pointless unwinnable space battle.
b) get drunk with the lads and collapse on the table in the middle of the video
Just a playful thought ladies and gentlemen.
“Starbuck’s disengaged, Sir!”
“Goddam Starbuck!”
What if you can’t handle the pressure of the simulator?
Houseplants?
Vile street harassment video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DCDYSJwwE4#t=139
A little for the high-brow crowd;
http://vimeo.com/58324128
And thank you for Meninism. I’ll try to make it a topic for discussion tonight.
-S
A little for the high-brow crowd
And people wonder why I post links to devices that remotely detect dog bowel movements.
…and after The Fox, the natural progression of art is this;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ8hcLXE6Fg
I’m somewhat surprised.
-S
I’m somewhat surprised.
You don’t usually see that many giant space phalluses in a music video.
So at an advice site that I usually really really like, someone wrote in thusly: “For the past year or so, I’ve been doing what I think most people do when they’re young and newly liberated from their ultra-conservative family – learning about the world. Before this, I was very sheltered and of the belief that the world is mostly okay save for a few small things like the price of gas and there being too many polyester shirts.
Since learning about a lot of other stuff that’s going on, I’ve become very political, and, well, very angry. I’m angry about drone strikes. I’m angry about Islamophobia. I’m angry about the mainstream media. I’m angry about the wage gap. I’m angry about rape culture. I’m angry about gentrification. I’m angry about climate change. I’m angry about factory farming.
I’m angry about a lot of stuff.”
And she goes ON AND ON about her vegan anger, her feminist anger, her microaggression anger…and gods help me, I feel like doing a Cher and slapping her and snarling, “Snap outta it!”
Tell anger-girl that the reason conservatives are not angry is that they’re too busy getting laid, look at the stats for births.
David
And Microsoft say…
Yes!
tip jar hit.
Thankyou.
Roughly ten are mine? I demand a recount. I’ve been farting for my mother ever since the cat died.
…and after The Fox, the natural progression of art is this;
That was oddly entertaining…
…and because you can never really stop watching the internet…
Here, a Chinese lady sings about barnyard animals.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxzgwJ8tSE0
Both Anton (almost 1 year old) and I (just past 41) found this mesmerizing.
I guess I should take up my project of live-streaming my own reaction-to-the-internet -video.
-S
Here, a Chinese lady sings about barnyard animals.
Ah yes, that one . . . my impression elsewhere–and now here as well—is that it’s a Chinese attempt at J-Pop . . .
Quint&Jessel – I hear you.
I’m not much one for advice web-sites myself. A few years ago I used to follow the advice offered by a man called “Ask A Ninja”. I’ve always been impressed with the mystical abilities of ninjas such as Bruce Lee and the Teenage Mutant Turtles and those ladies in Saudi Arabia, so it seemed to be worth a try.
Unfortunately, after some misadventures I realised that it was bad advice.
Take it from me – as tempting as it may sound, you cannot simply throw a makeshift shuriken at your problems and expect them to go away.
They will not go away, they will come after you asking what the bloody hell you think you’re doing throwing lids from tins of cat food into their garden, and why are you dressed in black pyjamas and crouching in the rhododendrons like a lunatic?
Your attempt to disappear in a dramatic puff of smoke as you toss out a handkerchief full of the stuff you get inside party poppers will simply lead to further confusion and embarrassment.
And then the wives and a police community support officer will get involved and YOU’LL be made to look like the baddie.
(I have since come to suspect the man in those videos may not even be a real ninja after all. And they say the internet is one of the most trusted things in our society!!!)
So I’m pretty cynical about advice on the world wide web these days, and here’s some advice for your friend:
Don’t get angry – get even!
Being angry is a useful emotion. It helped Bruce Banner stop feeling sorry for himself and it helps me summon the strength of a hungry mountain gorilla when a vending machine tries to cheat me of a Wispa that I have paid for.
But you have to use your anger – either by turning into a big green guy in purple pants or by rocking that vending machine like you’re Freddie Mercury at Live Aid till the chocolatey goodness descends from those trecherous mechanical coils.
So, in turn…
I’m angry about drone strikes.
Why not turn the drones back against the droners? Get one of those nifty little remote control gyrocopters, affix a water balloon full of pee-pee to it, and send it to the politician of your choice.
I’m angry about Islamophobia.
Me too! Sadly, the only way to fight phobia – which is Latin for “racist against” – is with MORE phobia. I’m deathly phobic of spiders, clowns, midgets, and any combination thereof. So I don’t have a lot of time to be racist against peace-loving people who just want to burn my flag and force me to grow a beard and worship their smelly kebab-munching god. I look like a crazy homeless man with a beard anyway.
So why not cultivate a phobia of some other religion? I’d suggest the Jews but they’ve had a hard time of it historically. Phobiating Christians is passe. Why not the Bhuddists? I’ve never trusted that little golden fat man. He seems to be laughing at me like he knows about the garden ninja incident or something.
I’m angry about the mainstream media
Send them poo in the post. As long as it’s not to Susie Dent on Countdown. I like her.
I’m angry about the wage gap.
To be honest, it’s time somebody stood up and said it. Low earners are slackers, and I’m tired of their lack of money-earning behaviours.
I’m angry about rape culture.
Preach it! I keep telling my wife that I am not some kind of sex machine that she can hop on like a naughty carnival ride. But the rape culture means she won’t take “no” for an answer. The solution here is to eat a lot of garlicky kebabs to minimise the wife’s ardor.
I’m angry about gentrification.
I am also angry about whatever that is. Send them poo as well.
I’m angry about climate change.
We had a pretty good thing going in the late Permian period, and then they had to screw it up. The obvious solution here is to refuse to bathe, do your hair up in ratty dreadlocks, and camp outside a fracking site or something.
I’m angry about factory farming.
I only eat ethically sourced chicken and beef from reputable restaurants such as KFC and McDonalds. Problem solved.
Other people should be extorted of tax, not us, we’re special, we’re artistes!
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2014-11-18/porn-buyers-get-spanish-shakespeare-as-theater-protests-tax-rate.html