Klaus Kemp, diatomist, “spent 8 years researching glue to find the perfect formula.”

Filmed by Matthew Killip. 

Goldfish brain surgery. // You want a black burger and you want it now. // Things organised neatly. // The inner lives of cows. (h/t, MeFi) // Can you squares dig Sun Ra’s avant-jazz space poetry? // Jetpack-powered running. // High street shops in sci-fi films. (h/t, Things) // Wind tunnels, then and now. // Machines made of wood. // Woodpile of note. // How much to tip? // How to make a playing card blowgun. // Gummi larvae. // The virtues of coffee, 1652. // The drive-thru funeral chapel. (h/t, TDK) // When your drive home looks like this it’s possibly time to pull over. // The owl and the pussycat. // Cat highs. // Feline masseurs. // Photographs of Nairobi. // The NoPhone comforter. // And finally, where are they now? 

Kaitlyn Schallhorn discovers some intimate probing in the name of “social justice”: 

Does the university need to know if I had oral or normal sex in the last three months after I’ve been drinking alcohol or using drugs recreationally, or if I used a condom during? They don’t need to know that for a gender equality questionnaire.

Because modern academia still isn’t sufficiently creepy.

A headline that may amuse: 

Occupy Wall Street activists sue each other over who owns the movement’s Twitter account.

But gosh, they were doing so well. 

John Leo shares news from the cutting edge of on-campus student care: 

This has been a big year for sleep at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor. The Shapiro Undergraduate Library cleared away some dusty and disposable books on the first floor and six cots were installed, offering weary students “a safe place for brief spells of restorative sleep,” or “naps,” as they are known in campus shorthand. These brief spells have been limited to 30 minutes, and the space, in a well-trafficked area on the first floor of Shapiro, was equipped with vinyl cots, disinfecting wipes, disposable pillowcases, and lockers.

Best not to linger on the need for disinfectant wipes. Or instructions to “wipe down the cot when you are done.” 

Detractors observed that throwing out all those books so that students could sleep during the day was an unfortunate bit of symbolism, particularly since most students… already had safe places for brief spells of restorative sleep, usually known as “dorms.”

However, even these comforts may be insufficient for our awfully fatigued thinkers of tomorrow. And so,

Last month, the university library started testing a MetroNaps EnergyPod (in English: a nap machine) that looks like a dental chair encased in a plastic egg and sells for just under $13,000.

Behold its magnificence. 

The EnergyPod comes with a hemispherical privacy visor “for additional seclusion,” an adjustable timer, and speakers, from which you’ll hear “specially devised rhythms to facilitate relaxation.”

It can vibrate gently and wake you up slowly to soothing music. Google and several colleges have them. St. Leo College in Florida has installed them in dorms so commuters can use them and dorm-dwellers don’t have to go all the way upstairs to take a nap. After all, what is college without a $13,000 vibrating nap machine?

If $13,000 vibrating nap machines sound a tad indulgent, it’s worth bearing in mind that the University of Michigan was noted here previously for hiking tuition, pledging fiscal responsibility, then spending $400,000 to relocate one tree.

Photographic evidence of Michigan’s sleep-deprived students and the terrible crushing pressures of academic life can be found here. Readers are advised that some scenes may be distressing.

Be strong. Take tissues.