More items regarding that Thing That Never Happens:

A tale of paedophilia, pretending, and legal priorities:

That’s violating his own ten-year-old son and then distributing evidence of his crimes to likeminded individuals for purposes of titillation. Should things be unclear.

The professor, our esteemed intellectual, recommended that Mr Buckingham, who now wishes to be referred to as “Nani Love Buckingham,” be indulged immediately with “facial feminisation surgery, laser hair removal, and voice/speech therapy as gender affirming care.” Entirely at the expense of law-abiding taxpayers.

Because his wellbeing and dignity matter so much.

And then there’s this fun-house mirror tale:

The police officer being the one whose actions were deemed incongruous.

Oh, calamity. Oh, cruel, unfeeling world.

Readers are welcome to judge for themselves whether the officer’s appraisal was wildly off the mark:

Putting quite a lot of faith in the wig, I see.

The redoubtable ladies at Reduxx have, of course, taken an interest in Mr Swinson:

I’ll spare you the vivid details, but suffice it to say that Mr Swinson is an enthusiast of children in wigs and gowns, and what is referred to as “suggestive” attire. The words “hot” and “delicious” are used. So, clearly, no reason to worry about Mr Swinson’s presence in places he shouldn’t be.

And because things aren’t quite as unhinged as they could be:

Dr Lacroix was careful to refer to Mr Sears with female pronouns and honorifics throughout. Lest he be thought rude, one assumes.

Again, readers may wish to note the effort required by this feat of mislabelling:

Ah, a shimmering vision of womanliness.

Oh, and since you ask, yes, the testicles were eaten.