She’s Seething With Empowerment
Meanwhile, in the world of the well-adjusted Guardian columnist:
It was July 2014, Nashville Tennessee. I was walking into a gas station for a bottle of water when the man behind me stepped up to open the door for me. With that act of kindness, something inside me snapped and I flew into a blind rage. I began screaming at him at the top of my lungs.
This latest admission of derangement is by Stacie Huckeba, a photographer and video-maker. She continues,
“No, you cannot open this door for me! You wouldn’t have opened it two years ago, so you damn sure can’t open it now!” I scowled and stormed away, completely enraged.
You see, he’s not allowed to do that – holding open the door for her – or for any woman, presumably. Because although Ms Huckeba didn’t know this polite gentleman and had never seen him before, she’s nevertheless sure of what his views on holding doors open for people must have been two years previously, back when she was fat. It’s intersectional science. And then, inadvertently, a punchline of sorts:
It was the third time that week that a man had done something polite for me.
Damn the patriarchy and all its works.
First a man had bought me a drink at a concert, and then there was the nice man who had helped me scoop up my groceries after I dropped my bag, and now this man with the door.
At this point, thankfully, Ms Huckeba offers an explanation, and justification, for her erratic, rather alarming mood swings:
Two years before this, in July 2012, I weighed 365lb, which roughly translates into 26 stone. I was enormous, and had been my entire life. I grew up an obese kid, was an obese teenager, an obese young adult, and by my mid-40s I had ballooned into a hugely obese adult. But that summer I started a massive journey to lose 220lb, or almost 16 stone, over the course of four and a half years. As I sit here today, I’m literally a third of the body mass I used to be. I am an average-sized woman who wears a size medium pretty much across the board. And, I am happy to report, I am also a fairly happy, confident person.
Yes, of course. That would explain all the random screaming.
But that day I had just begun experimenting with regular-sized clothes, and I was not confident. I was uncomfortable.
Ah. Still, though, it does seem like an awful lot of vehement and irrational hostility to be excused with a wardrobe choice.
I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. And it wasn’t until I saw that man’s hand reach for the handle of that door that I knew why – and it pissed me off… He opened that door for me because I wasn’t physically offensive to him, and I knew.
Telepathy being one of the less remarked benefits of embracing fat-activist wokeness.
This realisation broke me. It broke me in a way that I’ve never been broken before. He certainly didn’t deserve my outburst, but in that moment I couldn’t help myself. The idea that the size of my trousers had had anything to do with simple politeness was heart-breaking to me.
A classic sentence, perhaps. And I don’t know about heart-breaking, but it is a little odd, and just a tad presumptuous. After all, the assumption here – even now, years later – is that the gentleman in question, the one being screamed at, was being polite atypically, judgementally, and only because he admired the conventional proportions of Ms Huckeba’s slacks. And yet there’s no mention of any flirtatiousness or any hint of romantic interest. As described, it’s just an act of courtesy, onto which a great deal of supposition has been eagerly piled. It’s a tough conceit to sell. In my experience, people who hold open doors for others generally do so reflexively, out of habit, a learned courtesy, and rarely with any great premeditation or guile. However, the petrol station outburst has apparently been cathartic, even revelatory, with Ms Huckeba embarking on a second career as a writer and public speaker:
It has now become my life’s mission to help people realise their true beauty and strength; right now, in the body they occupy, this second… Hopefully I can change the way we all perceive beauty.
A sentiment not entirely consonant with the very next paragraph, regarding her newer, slimmer self:
I love my ass the size it is now. I love the way I look and feel, and the freedom it gives me. I can breathe. I actually love taking exercise. I love that my feet don’t ache and my back doesn’t crack.
Well, yes. Politeness aside, some proportions are more practical than others. Being able to breathe, for instance, is generally a good thing. Though I’ve yet to be convinced that the size of a person’s trousers is the most obvious determining factor in whether or not I hold open a door for them. But this being the Guardian, I suppose what matters is that Ms Huckeba can invoke victimhood to rationalise having behaved like a complete and utter cow.
Update:
A footnote of sorts, added via the comments, where B’Radical says,
It is a fact that an attractive woman will receive much more positive attention from males than a morbidly obese woman. Should this be the case? That’s not relevant. Her meltdown was a recognition of that fact.
Well, Ms Huckeba doesn’t elaborate on this point – which you’d imagine she might for persuasive effect – beyond claiming to have been “overlooked.” She doesn’t cite any illustrative examples, or offer any evidence of active dislike, merely a non-specific indifference: “No one had ever done those things [i.e., holding open a door] for me before.” And whether or not someone had previously held open a door while she was very big seems a small thing on which to hang her much larger claims, assuming one trusts her account. And then of course it seems a little odd to have a screaming fit at someone behaving courteously, i.e., in the way you’ve supposedly always wanted. It suggests baggage.
Perhaps, as is sometimes the case, some of this passion is being redirected from a more obvious target. After all, no amount of public speaking or articles in the Guardian is likely to have much effect on how people in general may view the eye-catchingly rotund in terms of physical attractiveness. It’s a pointless endeavour, like shouting at rain. The more practical alternative, the one over which a person might exert some actual leverage, is losing weight, such that one can breathe properly and is not in continual discomfort, as the author admits, or not becoming quite so huge in the first place. Thereby avoiding the mental and emotional complications exhibited above, such as acting like a mad woman and bullying a stranger for being nice to you.
It seems to me the moral of the article, albeit unintended, is that it’s probably best to avoid (a) excessive weight gain, and (b) wokeness, both of which seem likely to engender alienation, resentment and fits of random hysteria.
Update 2:
He opened that door for me because I wasn’t physically offensive to him, and I knew.
She just knew.
She just knew.
It is a bold conceit. And while I tend to hold open doors reflexively, for anyone, I do generally make a conscious effort if I notice someone who’s particularly elderly, or disabled, or indeed so obese as to be physically challenged.
Patriarch that I am.
With that act of kindness, something inside me snapped and I flew into a blind rage. I began screaming at him at the top of my lungs.
I get grumpy when I’m hungry.
“In my experience, people who hold open doors for others generally do so reflexively, out of habit, a learned courtesy, and rarely with any great premeditation or guile. “
It can, however, be unlearned. And having a woman scream at you like you’d molested her might just be the thing to do it.
“People are my business, and I’ve learned a lot about them over the years. “
Beg to differ, honey. A Martian, should one land right now, would know more than you.
It’s an understandable mistake to make, if still wrong. Physically unattractive obese woman is not treated well or politely by men; woman goes to immense effort to lose weight and become reasonably good-looking; men start treating woman more nicely after she succeeds in this effort; the extremely plausible (and infuriating) implication is that most men will only treat a woman gallantly if they find her attractive.
That a particular individual may well have held a door for her two years ago regardless of her weight is simply overlooked as an irrelevant outlier. But that’s the basic injustice of all mass judgement: to be held guilty for the sins of your group even if you personally didn’t commit such sins.
implication is that most men will only treat a woman gallantly if they find her attractive.
A problem being that on that point we’re expected to rely on Ms Huckeba’s judgement and sense of proportion, which, as illustrated above, seem somewhat unreliable.
No matter what size her skin is, she is an ugly person. I’m not sure how she can live in it regardless of its dimensions.
Sorry, I thought men were presumed to rape women they found attractive? That we couldn’t have women objectified in ads because we’d be living under definitely-not-sharia before the end of the year?
Now she’s arguing that men negotiate for female affection, even subconsciously, like they’ve got some power in the relationship?
I’m so confused.
While I agree that a lot of courteous people practice these routine acts of courtesy regardless of how the person they’re helping looks, I think there’s one thing you and she are both missing. A 365 pound person is enormous. In some cases, it would actually be physically difficult to hold open a normal, single width door for a person that size without being in her way when she tries to walk through. She probably went through long periods of her life when people were opening fewer doors for her because it was impractical for them to do so.
It was July 2014, Nashville Tennessee…“No, you cannot open this door for me! You wouldn’t have opened it two years ago, so you damn sure can’t open it now!” I scowled and stormed away, completely enraged…
Aside from being a histrionic beotch, she is either a fargin’ liar about the event, a transplant from one of the uncivilized states, or both. It is South Flyoverlandia, holding doors is what is done, regardless of race, creed, color, religion, age, disability, or avoirduposity. Young for the old, strong for the weak, men for women, women for women, women for men if the man has his hands full, and when two men reach a door at the about the same time, the one who reaches it the millisecond before the other will hold it for the other. The exception is when the party of the second part is being a total ass about it, or the party of the first part is some rude transplant.
So she “is” genuinely ugly on the inside
Mental illness and emotional incontinence have been weaponized by the left and promoted by the usual suspects in the media.
“I love my ass […] I can breathe.”
Obviously not as a result of being cured of rectal-cranial inversion syndrome.
seems after all of that, her head is still fat
I’ll bet, though, that she secretly preens just a little when a man shows his appreciation and that loving her new downsized ass has as much to do with that as the PC reasons she gives.
Holding a door open is often just a polite gesture. BUT, it is a fact that an attractive woman will receive much more positive attention from males than a morbidly obese woman. Should this be the case? That’s not relevant. Her meltdown was a recognition of that fact, even if that particular gentleman was holding the door completely out of being taught good manners. I have some sympathy for her as she recognized the unfairness of this world, but that evaporates when I see her trying to deny the truth try and convince our biology that pretty girls shouldn’t get more attention than ugly ones. I hate it too, but you might as spit into the wind.
“I can breathe” – implying that before, she couldn’t?
Bit of a shame that this bit is an exaggeration, really.
A rather obvious fact: people would want to open the door for her when she was obese just out of kindness, then immediately decide not to because of the pity factor.
Woman makes herself thinner because she thinks it’ll be a good thing = GOOD
Man thinks thinner version of woman a good thing = EVIL
I’ll bet, though, that she secretly preens just a little when a man shows his appreciation and that loving her new downsized ass has as much to do with that as the PC reasons she gives.
That was my impression too…
I bet you’re sorry now you didn’t invite her to your sleepovers, pretty girl middle school clique.
The word humblebragging is sometimes used when a feminist blogger JUST HAPPENS TO MENTION how she benefits from sexual attention or chivalry, putting a badass feminist spin on it by telling us how she responds as ungraciously as possible and makes the man sorry he ever said hello to her. Humblebragging doesn’t feel like the right word, though – it’s not a vain little private quirk, it’s toxic aggression that’s encouraged by the you-go-girl culture.
“I can breathe” – implying that before, she couldn’t?
Bit of a shame that this bit is an exaggeration, really.
Not necessarily, she was 365 pounds, no clue about height, but let us assume average US female at 5’4″. That would clearly put her at risk of Pickwickian Syndrome, AKA obesity hypoventilation syndrome, wherein the sheer mass on the chest, and the insufficiency of the intercostal muscles and diaphragm to move that mass, prevents the sufferer from being able to breathe either deeply or rapidly which leads to chronically low blood O2 levels (and high CO2) which, of course, lead to down stream problems like hypertension, heart failure, etc., which further exacerbate the problem.
it is a fact that an attractive woman will receive much more positive attention from males than a morbidly obese woman. Should this be the case? That’s not relevant. Her meltdown was a recognition of that fact,
Well, Ms Huckeba doesn’t elaborate on this point – which you’d imagine she might for persuasive effect – beyond claiming to have been “overlooked.” She doesn’t cite any illustrative examples, or any evidence of active dislike, merely a non-specific indifference: “No one had ever done those things [i.e., holding open a door] for me before.” And whether or not someone had previously held open a door while she was very big seems a small thing on which to hang her larger claim, assuming one trusts her account. And then of course it seems a little odd to have a screaming fit at someone behaving courteously, i.e., in the way you’ve supposedly always wanted. It suggests baggage.
Perhaps, as is sometimes the case, some of this passion is being redirected from a more obvious target. I mean, no amount of public speaking or articles in the Guardian is likely to have much effect on how people in general may view the eye-catchingly rotund in terms of attractiveness. It’s a pointless endeavour, like shouting at rain. The more practical alternative, the one over which a person might exert some actual leverage, is losing weight, such that one can breathe properly and is not in continual discomfort, or not becoming quite so huge in the first place. Thereby avoiding the mental and emotional complications exhibited above.
It seems to me the moral of the article, albeit unintended, is that it’s probably best to avoid (a) excessive weight gain, and (b) feminism, both of which seem likely to engender alienation, resentment and fits of random hysteria.
The trouble being, she lost weight as an attempt to physically treat a mental problem – a 365lb insecurity. “People will reject me because of my weight” has transitioned seamlessly to “people only *don’t* reject me because of my (improved) weight!” She’s still the self-hating fat woman on the inside, and rather than spend time “getting used to the new you” and recongizing that her weight was not her only area for improvement she has decided to cast blame. The Patriarchy.
Nobody opened the door for you because they couldn’t get around your fat ass. Get a life or at least quit displaying what an idiot you are to the world.
Somebody get that woman a Snickers.
I hold the door for everyone.
Just saying, but if anyone is selectively holding doors only for non-fat women in Tennessee, they aren’t holding that many doors open.
(Yes, I’m a Tennesseean, so it’s OK for me to make this joke)
What a load of crap. I’m a big woman and men hold doors open for me all the time. And when they do I say “thank you”.
Well bless her heart,where boners go to die.
What do they call a 350 lb Tennessee woman~~~~~~~~~aneroxic.
My grandmother would rise from the grave and smack the daylights out of me if I didn’t hold a door for a lady, regardless of her appearance. And grandma was more than a bit on the stout side herself.
It’s called being raised right. The only hazard is when you occasionally get stuck playing doorman for ten minutes because no one else passing through has the manners to take over for you.
If people choose to be nice to you, why search for fault in kindness?
Consider the alternatives? Would you rather people be ignorant? Or worse?
When they read that two years ago, people didn’t open doors for her, was anyone else’s first thought, “So she used to be a man?”
You’re just not you when you’re hungry.
Would someone please post a photo of this person? It would be helpful to know how to identify her.
This way, if I am ever at at store entrance and she is there, I will he sure to slam the door shut in front of her; if her bag breaks, I will kick her items under cars in the parking lot, and if I see her at a concert, I will knock her drink to the floor.
I just want to do my part to make her feel better.
I will hold the door and assist a woman, regardless of their appearance. Not all people are as pathetically shallow as this woman.
“John Lennon – Crippled Inside (1971)John Lennon – Crippled Inside (1971)
John Lennon – Crippled Inside (1971)5:14YouTube · 122,000+ views
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Lyrics
You can shine your shoes and wear a suit
You can comb your hair and look quite cute
You can hide your face behind a smile
One thing you can’t hide
Is when you’re crippled inside
You can wear a mask and paint your face
You can call yourself the human race
You can wear a collar and a tie
One thing you can’t hide
Is when you’re crippled inside”
I actually love taking exercise
What the hell is that? Americans don’t talk like that. Is that editorial latitude to make her sound British? Whatever it is, it makes me suspect the other quotes perhaps aren’t verbatim.
“I love my ass […]” Too bad it’s on your shoulders.
She is jumping to a lot of conclusions. But she may not be wrong. There have been a lot of studies showing pretty people are treated differently and often more kindly than less pretty people. The same goes for tall people. And tall pretty people. Well, they have it all. This doesn’t excuse her outburst. Sometimes facing reality is hard for people. But she might as well get mad at Charles Darwin for pointing out natural selection. Nature wants to procreate from the best. It’s why men love beautiful women. And women love physically strong men.
I am Woman, hear me Roar
Don’t you open up that door
I won’t have it, and I warn you, I shall Scream
There’s no man been in my heart
Buster, you ain’t gonna start
Wormin’ all your toxic ways into my Dream
Yes, I am loud
But it’s Volume with a price
To get this Thin and Proud
I lived on parsnips, peas and rice
If I have to, I can Scream anything
I am Strong, Strong, I’m Unavoidable
I am Womannnn!
Woman makes herself thinner because she thinks it’ll be a good thing = GOOD
Man thinks thinner version of woman a good thing = EVIL
Well, quite. I can’t help thinking there’s an obvious conclusion to be drawn, one that’s being carefully avoided by Ms Huckeba.
Much as I am motivated to help an attractive damsel in distress with a door or dropped groceries, one with Resting Bitch Face puts me right off. I call it truth in labeling.
Just keep losing weight and working on the icing… you *still* fit my definition of a “crap cupcake”. Doesn’t matter how nice the icing is, its still crap under it all.
… mea culpa. In the interests of clarity, you = Stacie Huckeba
Well, it is probably a whole lot easier to hold a door open for someone than it is to hold two doors open for them ;o)
Holding doors open for people is common in TN. I do it for both men and women to keep the door from swinging in their faces when they are just behind me going in. Sometimes I hold it long enough for them to grab it. Other times I can hold it and let them walk all the way in. There is nothing unusual about it. It is just the polite thing to do.
Whenever I encounter a womyn who gets upset when I open the door for them I merely explain that I was hoping for a tip. That shuts them up.
How about you just don’t be FAT ?
B’Radical, Stephen, and others have mailed it well already. I have been impressed with how many of the comments have been considerate and compassionate. One thing I wonder about though at a social level is whether treating people with unhealthy behaviors is a net gain or lots to society.
Using people who are fat and/or who smoke as examples since those seem to be visible things that are still openly stigmatized. While morbid obesity can have an underlying biological cause cases where it makes it impossible by any practical standard to lose weight are rare although I do believe it is only fair to acknowledge that for some people being non-obese is easy but for others it can be very difficult.
But my question is what role does/should societal pressure play in encouraging healthy behavior? I am a non-smoker and I can’t stand being around smoke. But smokers are treated horribly now. I have no problem with someone smoking a cigarette as they walk across a public open area but many of those areas, such as hospitals and college campuses, are strictly non-smoking. We tax smokers heavily even though we know they die younger and do so relatively quickly and cost efficiently which is suggestive that the tax is more punitive than equitable. Others have correctly mentioned that fat people treated worse is many ways/weighs 😉 than non-fat people.