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And A Boob Job Would Be Nice

August 25, 2026 No Comments

In hardships-of-prison news:

In his list of complaints, Caldwell reveals that his facility has a personal laser hair removal device for transgender inmates to use, and that the inmates were allowed to use the device in a private room within the medical clinic once or twice per week.

But in 2024, the clinic discontinued access to the private room, and told transgender inmates they would have to use the device in their own cell. Caldwell deems this unacceptable, writing: “My cell door has a window where any male inmate or officer can see inside my cell and watch me use the device on my maturing female body.”

His maturing female body.

If the above doesn’t sound sufficiently unhinged, I should add that the inmate in question, the one suing the Department of Corrections and invoking his human rights, Mr Michael R Caldwell, is a rapist of children.

Mr Caldwell, who prefers to be referred to as Skeggi Hildof Katrinssonr or “Hildi,” isn’t alone, of course. His fellow transgender complainants are,

Hunter S Christian, who raped multiple dogs, and Andrew S Kennedy, who murdered an infant.

Pride, baby.

Mr Caldwell, our transgender rapist, insists that his alleged hardships constitute “sex discrimination,” and that the failure to provide a private salon for his twice-weekly laser hair removal sessions is impacting his mental health, such as it is. Indeed, the inmate has insisted that he will “not consent” to any perceived infringement of his womanly privacy. Stated sorrows include “elevating anxiety, depression, skipping meal times,” and frequent crying.

The invocation of consent may strike readers as somewhat ironic, just a little tone-deaf, given the criminal activities that resulted in Mr Caldwell’s current situation. Activities regarding which Mr Caldwell seems much less tearful. Having blamed his crimes on the victims.

Not to be outdone, “non-binary” inmate Mr Hunter S Christian, our violator of dogs and enthusiast of child pornography, complains that he was denied access to Minoxidil treatments to correct his receding hairline – apparently, an unthinkable transgression – and likewise, testosterone supplements, supposedly to address his “shrinking testicle size.”

Hey, I’m just reading what it says here.

Mr Christian invokes “mental anguish… and a loss of the forward momentum in maintaining the delicate balance between my masculine and feminine sides.”

I’ll give you a moment to suppress all that sympathetic weeping.

Mr Andrew S Kennedy, the third complainant, and who is serving a 31-year sentence for the torture and murder of an eleven-month-old baby, claims to have been “repeatedly misgendered,” supposedly a violation of his human rights.

The trio’s additional demands, and they are numerous, include “body contouring services” and significant monetary compensation.

At which point I’m inclined to suggest we could just submerge the trio in hot concrete and get on with our lives.

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Written by: David

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In which we marvel at the mental contortions of our self-imagined betters.